advertisement
Closed Thread
Thread Tools Display Modes
Amyjay
Magnate
Amyjay has no updates.
 
Member Since: Mar 2017
Location: Underground
Posts: 2,439
5 yr Member
692 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Nov 19, 2019 at 03:16 AM
  #21
Quote:
Originally Posted by Open Eyes View Post
It's not unusual to feel this way Amyjay. When a person suffers from ptsd, they are suffering from the affects of trauma which can include being abused or exposed to too much abuse that creates a deep feeling of being "unsafe" and powerless.

I think it would be better if helping someone suffering from ptsd resulting from abuse/emotional abuse and dysfunction if FIRST the person is able to finally talk about whatever they experienced with an individual that can really LISTEN where the sufferer feels safe and has found the person that can be a witness and validate as much as needed. Then the goal is HELPING and SUPPORTING this individual to learn HOW to be a survivor which includes learning to manage this "disorder" labelled ptsd.

Also, it's important to understand that some people experience ptsd worse than others might too. What can trigger one person may not trigger another person even though both individuals may struggle with ptsd.
I might be really thick but I just don't understand what you are saying here.
I have complex PTSD. I have DID. I endured "catastrophic" abuse (so my psychiatrist reported) throughout the 18 years of my childhood and beyond. "Talking" about the abuse is an impossibility because of the uncontrolled switching it causes to be breaking the cardinal rule of not-talking.
Maybe talking is helpful sometimes, but it isn't always. Trauma responses rule the brain.
But yeah... I can't figure out what you are trying to tell me.
Amyjay is offline  
 
Hugs from:
Breaking Dawn, Fuzzybear, HD7970GHZ, Open Eyes
 
Thanks for this!
HD7970GHZ

advertisement
Fuzzybear
Wisest Elder Ever
 
Fuzzybear's Avatar
Fuzzybear has no updates.
 
Member Since: Nov 2002
Location: Cave.
Posts: 96,301 (SuperPoster!)
20 yr Member
81.2k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Nov 19, 2019 at 12:28 PM
  #22
Quote:
Originally Posted by Open Eyes View Post
It's not unusual to feel this way Amyjay. When a person suffers from ptsd, they are suffering from the affects of trauma which can include being abused or exposed to too much abuse that creates a deep feeling of being "unsafe" and powerless.

I think it would be better if helping someone suffering from ptsd resulting from abuse/emotional abuse and dysfunction if FIRST the person is able to finally talk about whatever they experienced with an individual that can really LISTEN where the sufferer feels safe and has found the person that can be a witness and validate as much as needed. Then the goal is HELPING and SUPPORTING this individual to learn HOW to be a survivor which includes learning to manage this "disorder" labelled ptsd.

Also, it's important to understand that some people experience ptsd worse than others might too. What can trigger one person may not trigger another person
even though both individuals may struggle with ptsd.
Interesting post. Although your post is addressed to Amyjay it might apply to some .... but not others.

I do agree that a competent therapist would need to have the ability to validate the experiences of the “client”.... amongst many other qualities a competent therapist “should” have....so many seem to even lack this ability (or maybe they lack the desire..

__________________
Fuzzybear is offline  
 
Hugs from:
Breaking Dawn, HD7970GHZ
 
Thanks for this!
HD7970GHZ, Open Eyes
Open Eyes
Legendary Wise Elder
 
Open Eyes's Avatar
Open Eyes Not a Unicorn, just another horse
 
Member Since: Mar 2011
Location: Northeast USA
Posts: 23,093 (SuperPoster!)
10 yr Member
21.3k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Nov 19, 2019 at 02:25 PM
  #23
Quote:
Originally Posted by Amyjay View Post
I might be really thick but I just don't understand what you are saying here.
I have complex PTSD. I have DID. I endured "catastrophic" abuse (so my psychiatrist reported) throughout the 18 years of my childhood and beyond. "Talking" about the abuse is an impossibility because of the uncontrolled switching it causes to be breaking the cardinal rule of not-talking.
Maybe talking is helpful sometimes, but it isn't always. Trauma responses rule the brain.
But yeah... I can't figure out what you are trying to tell me.
YES! I can see how you may not understand what I posted. I don't know if I would have understood it myself when I was in really bad shape. I have complex ptsd too. I can definitely relate to struggling when trying to talk about certain things in my past. I also think I suffer from some DID as well in that I noticed how certain conversations or triggers can put me into whatever age I was when I was traumatized.

Actually, there were times when I would be posting to someone in a thread and the person's challenge was so close to something I experienced or witnessed in my past that I disassociated into my own past I did not understand what that meant, or even why I did that and I began to describe it as me experiencing a "criss cross". Actually, the person I posted to at the time got angry with me, "what are you doing?" kinda deal and I was so glad that member said something to me so I could go back and read what I wrote. I needed to see how I did that. This member was talking about his young son and that triggered me to remember how my father was with my older brother and without realizing it I was not talking to the member I was posting to but my father about how he was with my older brother.

Quote:
"Talking" about the abuse is an impossibility because of the uncontrolled switching it causes to be breaking the cardinal rule of not-talking.
YES! I know exactly what you are saying here, it IS hard.

There were times I would see others being mean to a member and I would try to stop it, or I would get triggered by someone being mean to me and try to stand up for myself. On this site "reacting" is not allowed so there were times I ended up getting punished. That was SO TRIGGERING for me, so much like the past of seeing something wrong and not being allowed to say anything. I saw my father being so mean to my mother and yet I was not allowed to say anything, or being mean to my older brother and not being allowed to say anything in my early childhood.
Open Eyes is offline  
 
Hugs from:
Breaking Dawn, Fuzzybear, HD7970GHZ
 
Thanks for this!
HD7970GHZ
Open Eyes
Legendary Wise Elder
 
Open Eyes's Avatar
Open Eyes Not a Unicorn, just another horse
 
Member Since: Mar 2011
Location: Northeast USA
Posts: 23,093 (SuperPoster!)
10 yr Member
21.3k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Nov 19, 2019 at 02:52 PM
  #24
I grew up with a father who was a WWII vet. My father grew up with a father who was a WWI vet who also served in WWII. My father's father was a very intelligent and talented man, yet, he was affected by the time he served and to deal with it he drank and he was a MEAN drunk. My father never got over the affect serving in WWII had on him along with how his father was when he was growing up "abusive".

Our men who serve are trained to TAKE ORDERS and NO EMOTION and OBEY and to do what they are told and to keep your mouth shut. That was how things were in my home growing up. My father also used alcohol to help himself but he did not realize it.

We forget that these men that serve are often VERY young when they join. My father was only just turning 17 years old, that's really JUST A BOY in so many ways. My father saw bad things he NEVER forgot, wondered what happened to so many men he dropped off on the beaches to go off and fight. My father never got over the fact that for some reason he was not taken back out on another tour on the ship he served on. All his shipmates that shared his space on that ship were killed when that ship was torpedoed. He talked about wanting half is ashes spread on that ship, that says a great deal in that half of him was lost with all his friends that served with him on that ship.

There are things we grow up with when it comes to growing up with a vet that SO MANY will never understand that can have a profound affect on someone in their childhood.
Open Eyes is offline  
 
Hugs from:
Breaking Dawn, Fuzzybear, HD7970GHZ
 
Thanks for this!
HD7970GHZ
Fuzzybear
Wisest Elder Ever
 
Fuzzybear's Avatar
Fuzzybear has no updates.
 
Member Since: Nov 2002
Location: Cave.
Posts: 96,301 (SuperPoster!)
20 yr Member
81.2k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Nov 19, 2019 at 05:16 PM
  #25
I can relate....
forced silence......
no reacting allowed when being abused and bullied (in childhood... and later...)
triggered and dissociating into ages when traumatised....

Quote:
Originally Posted by Open Eyes View Post
YES! I can see how you may not understand what I posted. I don't know if I would have understood it myself when I was in really bad shape. I have complex ptsd too. I can definitely relate to struggling when trying to talk about certain things in my past. I also think I suffer from some DID as well in that I noticed how certain conversations or triggers can put me into whatever age I was when I was traumatized.

Actually, there were times when I would be posting to someone in a thread and the person's challenge was so close to something I experienced or witnessed in my past that I disassociated into my own past I did not understand what that meant, or even why I did that and I began to describe it as me experiencing a "criss cross". Actually, the person I posted to at the time got angry with me, "what are you doing?" kinda deal and I was so glad that member said something to me so I could go back and read what I wrote. I needed to see how I did that. This member was talking about his young son and that triggered me to remember how my father was with my older brother and without realizing it I was not talking to the member I was posting to but my father about how he was with my older brother.


YES! I know exactly what you are saying here, it IS hard.

There were times I would see others being mean to a member and I would try to stop it, or I would get triggered by someone being mean to me and try to stand up for myself. On this site "reacting" is not allowed so there were times I ended up getting punished. That was SO TRIGGERING for me, so much like the past of seeing something wrong and not being allowed to say anything. I saw my father being so mean to my mother and yet I was not allowed to say anything, or being mean to my older brother and not being allowed to say anything in my early childhood.

__________________
Fuzzybear is offline  
 
Hugs from:
Breaking Dawn, HD7970GHZ
 
Thanks for this!
HD7970GHZ
Fuzzybear
Wisest Elder Ever
 
Fuzzybear's Avatar
Fuzzybear has no updates.
 
Member Since: Nov 2002
Location: Cave.
Posts: 96,301 (SuperPoster!)
20 yr Member
81.2k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Nov 19, 2019 at 05:20 PM
  #26
and not being allowed to say anything... in early childhood
in ''therapy'' too. Just what I ''needed'' … NOT

__________________
Fuzzybear is offline  
 
Hugs from:
Breaking Dawn, HD7970GHZ
 
Thanks for this!
HD7970GHZ
Amyjay
Magnate
Amyjay has no updates.
 
Member Since: Mar 2017
Location: Underground
Posts: 2,439
5 yr Member
692 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Nov 20, 2019 at 12:32 AM
  #27
Quote:
Originally Posted by Open Eyes View Post
YES! I can see how you may not understand what I posted. I don't know if I would have understood it myself when I was in really bad shape. I have complex ptsd too. I can definitely relate to struggling when trying to talk about certain things in my past. I also think I suffer from some DID as well in that I noticed how certain conversations or triggers can put me into whatever age I was when I was traumatized.
I am sorry for the things you have been through.
With me, the thing is I am NOT in "bad shape". I am extremely functional and successful in my chosen career (well, truth be told, in the career we currently have which was chosen by two alters and not myself. However I was successful at the career I chose before they came along!)
But that's beside the point. I don't credit my success to "myself" any more than I credit the fact that I survived to myself. I maintain: I survived because my abusers didn't choose to kill me.
There but for the grace of God go I.
Amyjay is offline  
 
Hugs from:
Breaking Dawn, Fuzzybear, HD7970GHZ
 
Thanks for this!
Breaking Dawn, HD7970GHZ
Breaking Dawn
Legendary
 
Breaking Dawn's Avatar
Breaking Dawn Thankful for my blessings.
 
Member Since: Sep 2019
Location: USA
Posts: 16,689 (SuperPoster!)
3 yr Member
42.2k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Nov 20, 2019 at 02:29 AM
  #28
Thank you, Amyjay. That makes sense. And that's why you're functional. It's your attitude. God bless you.
Breaking Dawn is offline  
 
Hugs from:
HD7970GHZ
 
Thanks for this!
HD7970GHZ
Fuzzybear
Wisest Elder Ever
 
Fuzzybear's Avatar
Fuzzybear has no updates.
 
Member Since: Nov 2002
Location: Cave.
Posts: 96,301 (SuperPoster!)
20 yr Member
81.2k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Nov 20, 2019 at 12:55 PM
  #29
I guess that is true. We survived because the abusers didn't ''choose'' to kill us...

__________________
Fuzzybear is offline  
 
Hugs from:
HD7970GHZ
 
Thanks for this!
HD7970GHZ
Amyjay
Magnate
Amyjay has no updates.
 
Member Since: Mar 2017
Location: Underground
Posts: 2,439
5 yr Member
692 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Nov 20, 2019 at 02:06 PM
  #30
Quote:
Originally Posted by Breaking Dawn View Post
Thank you, Amyjay. That makes sense. And that's why you're functional. It's your attitude. God bless you.
I would think it is more my dissociation that allows me to function as a "successful" employee. After all, the "attitude" only belongs to me.
What happens when we get home is a different story.
Amyjay is offline  
 
Hugs from:
Breaking Dawn, HD7970GHZ
 
Thanks for this!
Breaking Dawn, Fuzzybear, HD7970GHZ
Anonymous32451
Guest
Anonymous32451 has no updates. Edit
 
Posts: n/a
Default Nov 21, 2019 at 04:19 PM
  #31
I am here too.

emotional/physical abuse here
 
 
Hugs from:
Amyjay, Breaking Dawn, Fuzzybear, HD7970GHZ
 
Thanks for this!
HD7970GHZ
Emily2019
Member
 
Emily2019's Avatar
Emily2019 Overwelmed
 
Member Since: Jul 2019
Location: Kenticky
Posts: 53
3 yr Member
29 hugs
given
Default Nov 23, 2019 at 01:27 AM
  #32
Thank you so much HD. I really needed to see this right now.

__________________
Just when the catepillar thinks the end is near,. He turns into a beautiful butterfly.
Emily2019 is offline  
 
Hugs from:
Breaking Dawn, Fuzzybear, HD7970GHZ
 
Thanks for this!
HD7970GHZ
sarahsweets
Threadtastic Postaholic
 
sarahsweets's Avatar
sarahsweets has no updates.
 
Member Since: Dec 2018
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 6,006 (SuperPoster!)
5 yr Member
192 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Nov 23, 2019 at 03:58 AM
  #33
I am a survivor by default as in...its hard for me to feel good about having lived through such awful crap. Not that you have to feel good or...anything about it but its hard for me to see myself as a survivor because I think that I just adapted to the terror and maintained my existence.

But now as I type I also think that having children and being married young helped me gain perspective on things and allowed me to live a freer life. I had my first child when I was 20 and married and being a new parent while still growing up allowed me to develop "me" in a way that would not re-enforce or repeat what I grew up with. Being able to forgive (not forget or colorcoat) my Dad also gave me new skin..( I say that because it reminds me of a bad sunburn and how its painful and all the dead skin rips off and leaves shiny new skin)
I wonder if I would be a survivor in one of those life or death situations like a fire or catastrophe or if my instincts were only limited to the abuse?
I did do therapy and I also have mental illness and I do not believe I went so deep as to truly heal but I was basically able to permanently "hide" the trauma after coming to terms with it as best I could and combined with forgiveness it is permanently locked away. I do feel bad that I also locked up some good memories but because some of those were mixed with the same time period I just had to shut the door on all of it. Now, any therapy about it would trigger me. I do not think I am making any sense here but thanks HD for giving me something to think about.

__________________
"I carried a watermelon?"

President of the no F's given society.
sarahsweets is offline  
 
Hugs from:
Breaking Dawn, Fuzzybear, HD7970GHZ, Mendingmysoul
Breaking Dawn
Legendary
 
Breaking Dawn's Avatar
Breaking Dawn Thankful for my blessings.
 
Member Since: Sep 2019
Location: USA
Posts: 16,689 (SuperPoster!)
3 yr Member
42.2k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Nov 23, 2019 at 07:32 PM
  #34
Dear sarahsweets, You are making a LOT of sense. I understand completely!
Breaking Dawn is offline  
 
Hugs from:
Fuzzybear, HD7970GHZ
HD7970GHZ
Grand Poohbah
 
HD7970GHZ's Avatar
HD7970GHZ "Primum Non Nocere"
 
Member Since: Sep 2013
Location: N/A
Posts: 1,776
10 yr Member
2,626 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Nov 27, 2019 at 12:51 AM
  #35
Quote:
Originally Posted by emily2019 View Post
thank you so much hd. I really needed to see this right now.


me too!!!

__________________
"stand for those who are forgotten - sacrifice for those who forget"
"roller coasters not only go up and down - they also go in circles"
"the point of therapy - is to get out of therapy"
"don't put all your eggs - in one basket"
"promote pleasure - prevent pain"
"with change - comes loss"
HD7970GHZ is offline  
 
Hugs from:
Breaking Dawn
All times are GMT -5. The time now is 02:26 AM.
Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.



 

My Support Forums

My Support Forums is the online community that was originally begun as the Psych Central Forums in 2001. It now runs as an independent self-help support group community for mental health, personality, and psychological issues and is overseen by a group of dedicated, caring volunteers from around the world.

 

Helplines and Lifelines

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider.

Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.