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Magnate
Member Since Mar 2017
Location: Underground
Posts: 2,439
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#21
Quote:
I have complex PTSD. I have DID. I endured "catastrophic" abuse (so my psychiatrist reported) throughout the 18 years of my childhood and beyond. "Talking" about the abuse is an impossibility because of the uncontrolled switching it causes to be breaking the cardinal rule of not-talking. Maybe talking is helpful sometimes, but it isn't always. Trauma responses rule the brain. But yeah... I can't figure out what you are trying to tell me. |
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Breaking Dawn, Fuzzybear, HD7970GHZ, Open Eyes
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HD7970GHZ
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Wisest Elder Ever
Member Since Nov 2002
Location: Cave.
Posts: 96,331
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21 81.2k hugs
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#22
Quote:
I do agree that a competent therapist would need to have the ability to validate the experiences of the “client”.... amongst many other qualities a competent therapist “should” have....so many seem to even lack this ability (or maybe they lack the desire.. __________________ |
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Breaking Dawn, HD7970GHZ
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HD7970GHZ, Open Eyes
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Mar 2011
Location: Northeast USA
Posts: 23,117
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#23
Quote:
Actually, there were times when I would be posting to someone in a thread and the person's challenge was so close to something I experienced or witnessed in my past that I disassociated into my own past I did not understand what that meant, or even why I did that and I began to describe it as me experiencing a "criss cross". Actually, the person I posted to at the time got angry with me, "what are you doing?" kinda deal and I was so glad that member said something to me so I could go back and read what I wrote. I needed to see how I did that. This member was talking about his young son and that triggered me to remember how my father was with my older brother and without realizing it I was not talking to the member I was posting to but my father about how he was with my older brother. Quote:
There were times I would see others being mean to a member and I would try to stop it, or I would get triggered by someone being mean to me and try to stand up for myself. On this site "reacting" is not allowed so there were times I ended up getting punished. That was SO TRIGGERING for me, so much like the past of seeing something wrong and not being allowed to say anything. I saw my father being so mean to my mother and yet I was not allowed to say anything, or being mean to my older brother and not being allowed to say anything in my early childhood. |
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Breaking Dawn, Fuzzybear, HD7970GHZ
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HD7970GHZ
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Mar 2011
Location: Northeast USA
Posts: 23,117
(SuperPoster!)
13 21.3k hugs
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#24
I grew up with a father who was a WWII vet. My father grew up with a father who was a WWI vet who also served in WWII. My father's father was a very intelligent and talented man, yet, he was affected by the time he served and to deal with it he drank and he was a MEAN drunk. My father never got over the affect serving in WWII had on him along with how his father was when he was growing up "abusive".
Our men who serve are trained to TAKE ORDERS and NO EMOTION and OBEY and to do what they are told and to keep your mouth shut. That was how things were in my home growing up. My father also used alcohol to help himself but he did not realize it. We forget that these men that serve are often VERY young when they join. My father was only just turning 17 years old, that's really JUST A BOY in so many ways. My father saw bad things he NEVER forgot, wondered what happened to so many men he dropped off on the beaches to go off and fight. My father never got over the fact that for some reason he was not taken back out on another tour on the ship he served on. All his shipmates that shared his space on that ship were killed when that ship was torpedoed. He talked about wanting half is ashes spread on that ship, that says a great deal in that half of him was lost with all his friends that served with him on that ship. There are things we grow up with when it comes to growing up with a vet that SO MANY will never understand that can have a profound affect on someone in their childhood. |
Breaking Dawn, Fuzzybear, HD7970GHZ
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HD7970GHZ
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Wisest Elder Ever
Member Since Nov 2002
Location: Cave.
Posts: 96,331
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21 81.2k hugs
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#25
I can relate....
forced silence...... no reacting allowed when being abused and bullied (in childhood... and later...) triggered and dissociating into ages when traumatised.... Quote:
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Breaking Dawn, HD7970GHZ
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HD7970GHZ
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Wisest Elder Ever
Member Since Nov 2002
Location: Cave.
Posts: 96,331
(SuperPoster!)
21 81.2k hugs
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#26
and not being allowed to say anything... in early childhood
in ''therapy'' too. Just what I ''needed'' … NOT __________________ |
Breaking Dawn, HD7970GHZ
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HD7970GHZ
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Magnate
Member Since Mar 2017
Location: Underground
Posts: 2,439
7 692 hugs
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#27
Quote:
With me, the thing is I am NOT in "bad shape". I am extremely functional and successful in my chosen career (well, truth be told, in the career we currently have which was chosen by two alters and not myself. However I was successful at the career I chose before they came along!) But that's beside the point. I don't credit my success to "myself" any more than I credit the fact that I survived to myself. I maintain: I survived because my abusers didn't choose to kill me. There but for the grace of God go I. |
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Breaking Dawn, Fuzzybear, HD7970GHZ
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Breaking Dawn, HD7970GHZ
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Legendary
Member Since Sep 2019
Location: USA
Posts: 16,689
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#28
Thank you, Amyjay. That makes sense. And that's why you're functional. It's your attitude. God bless you.
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HD7970GHZ
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HD7970GHZ
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Wisest Elder Ever
Member Since Nov 2002
Location: Cave.
Posts: 96,331
(SuperPoster!)
21 81.2k hugs
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#29
I guess that is true. We survived because the abusers didn't ''choose'' to kill us...
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HD7970GHZ
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HD7970GHZ
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Magnate
Member Since Mar 2017
Location: Underground
Posts: 2,439
7 692 hugs
given |
#30
Quote:
What happens when we get home is a different story. |
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Breaking Dawn, HD7970GHZ
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Breaking Dawn, Fuzzybear, HD7970GHZ
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Guest
Posts: n/a
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#31
I am here too.
emotional/physical abuse here |
Amyjay, Breaking Dawn, Fuzzybear, HD7970GHZ
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HD7970GHZ
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Member
Member Since Jul 2019
Location: Kenticky
Posts: 53
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#32
Thank you so much HD. I really needed to see this right now.
__________________ Just when the catepillar thinks the end is near,. He turns into a beautiful butterfly. |
Breaking Dawn, Fuzzybear, HD7970GHZ
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HD7970GHZ
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Threadtastic Postaholic
Member Since Dec 2018
Location: New Jersey
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#33
I am a survivor by default as in...its hard for me to feel good about having lived through such awful crap. Not that you have to feel good or...anything about it but its hard for me to see myself as a survivor because I think that I just adapted to the terror and maintained my existence.
But now as I type I also think that having children and being married young helped me gain perspective on things and allowed me to live a freer life. I had my first child when I was 20 and married and being a new parent while still growing up allowed me to develop "me" in a way that would not re-enforce or repeat what I grew up with. Being able to forgive (not forget or colorcoat) my Dad also gave me new skin..( I say that because it reminds me of a bad sunburn and how its painful and all the dead skin rips off and leaves shiny new skin) I wonder if I would be a survivor in one of those life or death situations like a fire or catastrophe or if my instincts were only limited to the abuse? I did do therapy and I also have mental illness and I do not believe I went so deep as to truly heal but I was basically able to permanently "hide" the trauma after coming to terms with it as best I could and combined with forgiveness it is permanently locked away. I do feel bad that I also locked up some good memories but because some of those were mixed with the same time period I just had to shut the door on all of it. Now, any therapy about it would trigger me. I do not think I am making any sense here but thanks HD for giving me something to think about. __________________ "I carried a watermelon?" President of the no F's given society. |
Breaking Dawn, Fuzzybear, HD7970GHZ, Mendingmysoul
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Legendary
Member Since Sep 2019
Location: USA
Posts: 16,689
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#34
Dear sarahsweets, You are making a LOT of sense. I understand completely!
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Fuzzybear, HD7970GHZ
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Grand Poohbah
Member Since Sep 2013
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#35
__________________ "stand for those who are forgotten - sacrifice for those who forget" "roller coasters not only go up and down - they also go in circles" "the point of therapy - is to get out of therapy" "don't put all your eggs - in one basket" "promote pleasure - prevent pain" "with change - comes loss" |
Breaking Dawn
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