So many things are overwhelming me

I have no idea why, I've been realizing that so many abusers come my way. Have a hard time trusting people now and letting anyone in because I keep getting hurt by others and people try to use me. What's even worst is something happened and I'm blaming myself for it. I've been crying all night about it.

My step-father was drinking beer, we were simply just talking. All I was doing was watching The Office because I was trying to cheer myself up due to my brother's death. He came over to cheer me up because he knows I've been a little down lately.

I wasn't inviting him in or hitting on him. When I went to go hug him goodbye, he tried to kiss me in a romantic way. Ended up backing away from the doorway and he ended up apologizing to me when he saw my facial expression. Told him very clearly, "I feel weird. And, I hope this never happens again." Immediately he said he was sorry, but I still feel very weirded out by it.

I'm a rape victim let me remind you and I'm bawling my eyes out thinking that everything is my fault once again. I didn't want this to happen, nor did I try to hit on my father or come onto in any way. Many people always end up accusing the victim, "Oh you were asking for it. Maybe you two were being a little too friendly with each other. You sure you didn't hint something at him?" The answer is, "No!" He ended up calling me to apologize to me about it happening, but I still feel weird about it because my own step father tried to romantically kiss me and now I'm not sure if I can trust him after this.

Does your mother know about this?

No, my mother doesn't know about this. I'm planning on telling her.

So sorry this happened to you! It sounds like you were pretty incredible, in how you handled it, tho. You immediately put a stop to his unwanted advances, and drew a clear boundary line of "this is NOT acceptable to me". Good job! It sounds like you've not only had to deal with a lot of abusive people, as well as the rape, but a lot of people invalidating you, also. I'd feel like blaming myself, too, if so many around me were trying to tell me I was somehow at fault. I'm trying to learn the difference between putting up walls, and putting up boundaries, myself. So yeah, you're impressing me on how well you did!