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TishaBuv
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Trig Dec 27, 2019 at 08:31 PM
  #1
Just coping with ongoing traumatic abandonment with my son. Shot up from sleep last night. PTSD Nothing to say really. Just have to grieve and deal.

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Default Dec 28, 2019 at 08:59 AM
  #2
hugs!.

do you have good coping methods to help you with when stuff like this happens?
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Default Dec 28, 2019 at 11:15 AM
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hugs!.

do you have good coping methods to help you with when stuff like this happens?
Anxiety meds, supportive family and PC to talk about it. At this point, I’ll stop talking about him to them. He wants nothing to do with my husband and me. He also blew off his grandma. Didn’t even wish her a happy birthday. He’s been brainwashed, alienated against us by his now wife because she can completely control him with us out of the picture. She convinced him we are bad and we are certainly not.

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Default Dec 28, 2019 at 11:42 AM
  #4
It probably sounds like I am over dramatic but I’m not. This really happened. It’s funny how I had read so many articles about narcissist abuse on here, then it actually happened and I was able to identify it. Of course he went willingly. He must not have been truly the wonderful, loving son I thought he was deep down to have been this susceptible to turn 180 degrees like this.

I am convinced that what happened was her brilliant play to get rid of us so she could have her way and control him. It did not originate in his brain. She is the mastermind.

Oh well, may they live and be well.

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Default Dec 28, 2019 at 11:45 AM
  #5
And this is what he did to a mother who already suffered from PTSD and he knew it. He even wanted to become a clinical psychologist. Now he says he isn’t worthy of grad school because she’s in control and telling him this.

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Default Dec 28, 2019 at 12:08 PM
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I'm sorry this woman is causing this harm in your family. Even you know, though, that narcissists can be powerful in their manipulation. It may not be that be doesnt love you, she's just manipulating him to do her bidding. My brother's wife is very similar. And we all quite liked her at first. Until she kept driving bigger and bigger wedges between him and all of us.

I'm sorry he has treated you and his grandparents and other family so poorly. I hope that somehow he realizes his mistake and apologizes and spends time with yall again.

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Default Dec 28, 2019 at 12:26 PM
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I'm sorry this woman is causing this harm in your family. Even you know, though, that narcissists can be powerful in their manipulation. It may not be that be doesnt love you, she's just manipulating him to do her bidding. My brother's wife is very similar. And we all quite liked her at first. Until she kept driving bigger and bigger wedges between him and all of us.

I'm sorry he has treated you and his grandparents and other family so poorly. I hope that somehow he realizes his mistake and apologizes and spends time with yall again.
We’re trying to think of it like he is in a cult and forgive him. The cult might have been easier to combat. We’d bust in there and kidnap him. The power of ‘love’ is much stronger. We are praying he one day recognizes his error and we renew a good relationship. But my expectations are low.

If you remember, Seesaw, I started having small issues and seeing the red flags two years ago. Oh boy, that was just the tip of the iceberg!

But for now he’s healthy and happy and that’s what matters most. I’ll just keep taking meds and leave them alone. I reached out to him because we were in his town but he ghosted my text. So I will avoid further triggering myself and stay far away.

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Default Dec 28, 2019 at 12:40 PM
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Yeah, I remember you had concerns about her and decisions he started making after meeting her. I'm sorry it's turned so downhill. I think my assessment of it at the time missed the mark for sure. Ah hindsight is 2020. Just goes to show you have to trust your gut and ignore the faceless ppl on the internet when we don't get it.

All is not lost, I hope. Hopefully after a bit of this selfishness he realizes he misses his family. Especially, hopefully, if they ever have kids.

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Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder
Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia.

Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien

Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less...
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Default Dec 28, 2019 at 05:45 PM
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Sorry to hear you are dealing with this.
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Default Dec 28, 2019 at 06:03 PM
  #10
It is so hard to not be able to reach through the screen and give you a bear hug and tell you its going to be ok.

What happens from this point, remember you've survived and been strong. Please remember that. Be kind to yourself.

And keep reaching out here. We might not be able to understand, but I promise, we care and want to help however we can.

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Default Dec 31, 2019 at 10:28 AM
  #11
It's not unusual for a male child to break ties and want to be on his own. Our children all get to a point where they no longer want to be under our thumb and feel they have to listen to us.

Sometimes we teach a child unknowingly that its ok to stay with a partner you are not happy with. Sometimes they pick a partner we don't like and it could be how this other person has aspects of the things we don't like about ourselves.

What IS important is teaching your child to gain the strength to walk away from another person that makes them unhappy or is unhealthy for them. It's important to understand that often the one a child experiments on when it comes to this IS us the parent. Thing is Tisha, while it's hard to experience him distancing from you and ghosting you, he is learning how to do that and it may be the one thing that helps him walk away from this wife if she IS toxic and makes him unhappy.

Don't you think your son KNOWS that if his relationship doesn't work out you will open your arms to him even though he has distanced from you? Tisha, your son KNOWS you love him. IF this woman is isolating him so she can control him, it can take him time to finally recognize that and he will need to have some courage to walk away from her.

As far as your son distancing from your mother, well, you already know she can be toxic and you yourself have had to distance from her and basically ghost her. You need to admit though that you did play along with her game too. You know your son did see that.
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Default Jan 01, 2020 at 08:33 AM
  #12
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It's not unusual for a male child to break ties and want to be on his own. Our children all get to a point where they no longer want to be under our thumb and feel they have to listen to us. This situation is far more than him no longer being under my thumb (if he ever even was at all). This is a total break from his parents for no reason. There were extremely hurtful things he did (via her) in making this wedding. I am now throughly convinced that the things they chose to do were not even their real goal, rather (her?) goal was to get rid of us. It was a ‘what does it take?’ And they did that.

Sometimes we teach a child unknowingly that its ok to stay with a partner you are not happy with. Sometimes they pick a partner we don't like and it could be how this other person has aspects of the things we don't like about ourselves. I have chuckled from the irony of someone probably making a snarky joke that he found a girl like Mom, a real B! I really don’t even know her tbh. When we have seen her, she never talked to us. If she talked at all, it was about Star Wars and she never directly spoke to me or made eye contact. Actually, she did once talk directly to my husband and me when she verbally assaulted us without our son there, telling us that he hates us and we are terrible parents, starting the drama that led to us not attending his wedding.She’s really the polar opposite of me. Maybe he loves her because he hates me? And I thought we were so loving and close. It doesn’t make sense to me at all.

What IS important is teaching your child to gain the strength to walk away from another person that makes them unhappy or is unhealthy for them. He broke up with plenty of prior girlfriends, including this one once before. He had many girlfriends and they all tended to be high drama, unhealthy, and made him unhappy. In this area I do feel guilty because he witnessed a relationship between me and his father that was similar in this dynamic. It's important to understand that often the one a child experiments on when it comes to this IS us the parent. Thing is Tisha, while it's hard to experience him distancing from you and ghosting you, he is learning how to do that and it may be the one thing that helps him walk away from this wife if she IS toxic and makes him unhappy. I pray he has the strength to end it with her if it is truly toxic for him.

Don't you think your son KNOWS that if his relationship doesn't work out you will open your arms to him even though he has distanced from you? Yes, we told him our door is always open. We keep reaching out to him. Last night at midnight we sent texts back and forth with our other two sons. My husband texted this son... again, ghosted with no reply to wish happy new year! WTH?Tisha, your son KNOWS you love him. IF this woman is isolating him so she can control him,This may seriously be the case. Very scary. it can take him time to finally recognize that and he will need to have some courage to walk away from her.

As far as your son distancing from your mother, well, you already know she can be toxic and you yourself have had to distance from her and basically ghost her. You need to admit though that you did play along with her game too. You know your son did see that.
He did witness my whole toxic relationship with my mother. But he also witnessed all the good that occurred with my mother. She lived close and visited often. She supported all his school plays, etc... She was more good than she was bad. I do feel guilty that I did voice my upset with her to the kids. They couldn’t help but see what was happening. But I never ghosted her. Once, we did not speak for a month last year and I thought she would never call me again, like she did in the past, that’s her game, but she did eventually reach out. I NEVER play the written off, disowned cruel game that she does and my kids know that. I never gave them the cold shoulder or silent treatment or threats of being written off. Our son just did this very thing to us. It’s even more hurtful when he knows how I suffered this and it caused me emotional issues. We did nothing to cause him to be cruel. Although we did not attend his wedding because he made it impossible for us to do so. Long story I don’t want to get into for several reasons. He did something far from the norm, something so offensive that directly humiliated our family. While we hated that he did it, we merely asked him to make it more tolerable for us to get through his wedding and soften what he was doing to not be so in our face, but he would not bend one inch. It was not important for him to have us at his wedding. This thing that normally isn’t even anything that a wedding is about was much more important for him to do than to have his parents there. It also doesn’t make sense unless the true reason was that he was brainwashed by someone who wanted to be rid of his parents.

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Last edited by TishaBuv; Jan 01, 2020 at 08:43 AM.. Reason: Add more
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Default Jan 01, 2020 at 01:54 PM
  #13
I went back to sleep this morning and had another nightmare about rejecting son. I woke panicked. I want to run away from everyone in my life and go somewhere else, if I can. This must be c-PTSD that has gotten even worse from this final trauma that keeps on coming. I made an appointment with the last psy who specialized in EMDR. I feel like a very sick woman now.

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