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Junior Member
Member Since Jul 2020
Location: Canada
Posts: 13
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#1
The most immediate problem I have at the moment is... I need to finish my Thesis. I'm running out of time.
I love to research, write, analyze, speculate, etc. That's not it the problem, normally I would enjoy this so much. I'm a perfectionist, I love to go back an edit. But the last years I just haven't been able to. And I'm running out of time. I often freeze, in terror. My body tenses and hurts. I just can't. I get tachycardia and my chest hurts, my hands shake. So... I engage in any other activity I can to avoid this. Anything. But ideally something that takes time and keeps my mind focused and fully occupied. For example, a good long open-world videogame. It can turn into addictive behaviour. I obsess, I draw pleasure from it. I make lists and I enjoy so much exploring every little pixel and side quest. I feel pathetic because I never freeze with anything else. I fight my way through even when I've felt terrified for my life, even in those dangerous situations in my past I'm quick to react and survive. But this? It's just a paper, it's just words! No? I know that part of it is because I feel I can't speak my mind freely, I can't use my words naturally, my own voice feels muffled. I need to force it into a rigid format, as academic and logical as possible. Poetic or abstract is not appreciated. It's not creative writing, it's high academic language. Constraint by titles, citations, page numbers, etc. I feel I ignore too much, that no one will take me seriously because I'm no expert, no matter how wise or insightful I can prove to be. I've been wondering about this so much. Part of the problem may be the critic and corrections that I receive. I feel I'm so wrong whenever I see even the smallest one. "Oh, how did I not see that? How did I not think about that? What does my supervisor thinks of me?" The earliest traumatic memory that I could link to this is of my mother supervising when I was learning to write. You now, the first exercises, O I O I, O X O X, etc. She grabbed the paper when I was done, judged it, and then ripped it in front of me, telling me that is was fecal matter, and made me start over from the beginning until I did it as perfect as possible. She repeated this I don't know how many times. Made me fill pages and pages. And it wasn't only this time, she did this with every homework for several years, until I acted out because I wanted to do it on my own.
Possible trigger:
But the thing is... how the Hell do I get over all that in time? How can I deal with this? I need to finish my proposal ASAP. I'm close to finishing but I freeze badly, any techniques I can try? Talking myself out of it hasn't done much... __________________ "As above, so below..."
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Fuzzybear, whoamihere
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Skeezyks
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Disreputable Old Troll
Member Since Oct 2015
Location: The Star of the North
Posts: 32,762
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#2
I'm sorry I don't really have any useful suggestions for you, although I know what you're facing. Many years ago I found myself in the same situation. In my case, I just forced myself to do what needed to be done.
By the time my back was against the proverbial wall, so to speak, I was living across the country from the school I attended. I wrote to the head of the department to ask about how to proceed. I recall that when he wrote back he said only about 10% (I think it was) of people in my situation actually went on to finish their theses. Here are links to 8 articles, from PC's archives, on how to deal with procrastination. Hopefully some of the information in these articles can be of help: Learn About Procrastination Procrastination: The Stalling Game Your Mind Loves to Play Getting Help for Procrastination Tips to Beat Procrastination 10 Simple Steps to Stop Procrastination https://psychcentral.com/blog/to-end...dium=popular17 https://psychcentral.com/blog/procra...dium=popular17 https://psychcentral.com/lib/getting...ination/?all=1 Best wishes... __________________ "I may be older but I am not wise / I'm still a child's grown-up disguise / and I never can tell you what you want to know / You will find out as you go." (from: "A Nightengale's Lullaby" - Julie Last) |
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Fuzzybear
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Thirteenth Hour
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Junior Member
Member Since Jul 2020
Location: Canada
Posts: 13
3 42 hugs
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#3
Ah, I know, it's terrible. That has always been my approach whenever life gets gritty. Just push through, fight on.
I will definitely (and carefully) check out the links. It'll definitely help with the procrastination part. The part that I don't yet know how to address are the physical and emotional triggers (that -facepalm- I forgot to fully mention before). For example, the muscle tension and aches that happen when I force myself to do something that triggers me (like this silly monster paper), the panic I feel in front of it (and that keeps coming back), the tears that come to my eyes, or the rage I feel inside, the need to scream, etc. Normally, I stand up and try to walk it off, or sometimes I clean things (or myself, I tale a shower), but it all takes time, is there any faster way to regain focus and stop the pain? Any technique for that? __________________ "As above, so below..."
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Fuzzybear
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Wisest Elder Ever
Member Since Nov 2002
Location: Cave.
Posts: 96,329
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#4
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