My young adult years 17 - 23

From the ages of 17 - 23, I was emotionally abused. From the end of high school, through college, to the first year I worked, and then I ended up in a mental hospital.

I was abused by many different people. I suppose people could call it just " mean." But because there was bullying by my peers, and my mother, and bc people treated me poorly including some teachers and a psychiatrist, and because it was cumulative, I consider this to be an experience of abuse and traumatic.

I was an English major at first, but switched to psychology. English classes were a **** show and abusive. It ruined writing classes for me. I should not have been in college but my mom pressured me to be and bullied me into it. The whole ****ing way.

I signed up to take a poetry class in my community this Fall. Its already bringing up terror and traumatic memories for me. I may drop it.

I graduated college in 2005. I to this day do not consider it a personal accomplishment. It wasn't something I wanted. I believe its the reason why its been so hard for me to show up in life. I collapsed and ended up refusing to do anything if I didn't want to.

I am sorry that in your early years you were intruded on by the needs, expectations, and criticisms of others that set you on a path of self doubt.

Unfortunately because we all inherently try to create our own sense of power and control, often we begin to react with fight/flight responses before even knowing what that means.

However within the fight and flight can be avoiding. And a person can begin doing this before even understanding what it even means.

The truth about learning is that it’s something we all do mostly on our own. And we all learn by doing and we all learn at different paces. We also all learn to figure out how to thrive in different environments which includes different social environments.

This means we are very susceptible to imprinting negative messages from individuals that know little about what it means to help their child develop their own sense of self esteem verses having others decide that for them.

It’s unfortunate that often the focus is more about what a child does wrong than what a child does right. Hence comes the growing development of anxiety that develops before a child has any idea what it means. Also what develops is anticipation of failure.

This is what contributes to these feelings of failing that keep so many crippled with fear instead of engaging with an open curious mind. It also interferes with that child’s discovering how they learn.

With ptsd that can go back to many negative unhealthy experiences a person can experience an array of negative feels due to being encouraged to feel bad for not performing the way a a parent or teacher wants. These feelings are valid only in the sense that another person encouraged us to feel bad for not meeting their needs. Yet what these individuals failed at was learning how to learn to gradually fulfill ones own needs.

Learning is just a pathway to self discovery. Taking a course is not a decision about a career but a decision to explore something that may increase ones knowledge that can become part of finding something one may be good at doing. It’s exposing oneself to something different.

I can relate... to being repeatedly bullied and abused by many A holes (including ''family.'')during my young adult years.... mostly by older adults who SHOULD have known better. SHAME on them and on all those who abuse anyone... especially ''vulnerable'' people like children and young people. Grrr

You... both of us... are ''strong'' to have survived this bs and abuse. I too have a degree in English (literature) It was the only subject the sociopathic paternal unit so ''generously'' allowed me to study and they kicked me out as soon as they could, without THEM looking bad. It was all about how THEY appeared to ''people''... who the **** cares what ''people'' think .. I do not. That's why I became a bear.

PS - Something not everyone has learnt or succeeded in comprehending... there is NO correlation between being ''good at doing something'' and being ''worthwhile''.... in other words, there is NO correlation between ''achievement'' and being a ''worthwhile'' human being. It's sad that some Narcissists and Sociopaths with their ''superior'' (in their opinion) intellects, fail to grasp this fundamental concept.