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Old 09-24-2013, 04:42 PM #1
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Trig UGH...hate family...depressed

My depression seems to be bad tonight (and for the past day as well...started to hit really bad last night but there have been times before then but not like last night) as i'm wanting to harm myself and its all because of my Grandad as always. He is nothing but mean to me then has a nerve to say i'm bad to him....I just want to die with how low i'm feeling right now, I just can't keep doing this!! He gets worse with me the more I avoid him....but if I do keep in touch with him, he never has anything nice to say to me but always puts me down and makes me feel like i shouldn't be alive!!

I can't win here. No matter what I do or say...he always puts me down then calls me a B!tch and an idiot and that I treat him like sh/it (rubbish)!! It's him that treats me like sh/it and when I get so upset I sometimes respond to it as being as bad has him BUT these past few times I haven't gone to his level and haven't responded to them but he keeps more coming and I really want to say some hurtful things to him but I just can't....it's not me to be hurtful to others....I have said them plenty of times in my head to what I would say in response but I have never ever said them to him....yet he see's it to be ok to treat me this way and he must feel he is walking all over me because I haven't responded....but that's because if I respond that just gives him more to throw back at me and hurt me more so i'm not going to his level but he seems to think I will at some point but I haven't. I treat people the way I like to be treated but if they treat me like sh/it then yes i'll treat them like sh/it back....it's just the way people are....I have always known to treat others like I want to be treated so that in return they will treat you the same but not with my granddad....no matter what I say he always has a way of turning it and he always treats me like rubbish. He always makes me feel bad and makes me feel like being dead is a better option than being here. I can't do this anymore, sorry for the long rant....it's just eating me inside and I just don't know what to do.

Times like this is when I miss my Grandma the most, if she was here, he wouldn't get away with any of the things he says to me or hurt me in anyway. Makes me wonder what she had to put up with living with him 24/7....if I was her I would have either left him years ago or i'd be dead like she is now (well 11 years ago this Christmas)....it even makes me think that she used Cancer for her dying because she didn't want to kill herself (or walk away from him as she did love him a lot to say he treat her like rubbish) so when she knew she had the Cancer again she kept it to herself till it was too late to be treated and then decided to get it checked out and let it kill her. She couldn't even hold on for me....if she had left him, I would have still visited her and would have seen her more than him but I guess that wasn't good enough of an option!! I'm more than messed up with family!!
I'm just messed up and mixed up....i'm so heart broken
Stupid me
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UGH...hate family...depressed

Don't get caught up in what could be, instead appreciate what is. Appreciate what you have & who you have, because the future can take it away from you.

iamspecial is thinking....when all else fails....sit back...look at it....then re-think and start again
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Old 09-24-2013, 07:30 PM #2
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Default Re: UGH...hate family...depressed

This must be so terrible for you, my grandad dis-owned my father when i was 3, he dies last year of cancer and we didnt even no, he dis - owned him over a tupid signature because they have the same name, my grand mother dis-owned my dad when i was 11, we wer real close up until then and then she took her son in laws side in a stupid arguement over religion, shes now dying of cancer also, i hated them both, sometimes i think if they had of been in my life or my dads life that things could of been so different for me now!! Family are ment to support us no matter what but in reality, family cn be our biggest and worst enemy's... Did u ever have a close bond with ur Grandad? Or do other family memebers have a close bond with him? I no this may sound harsh but ur a better person than him, dont ever let him bring u down or control how u feel, he obviously has demons that he never delt with dont let his demons hunt u, we already have enough of our own... Hugs to u, I hope your ok
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Old 12-25-2018, 02:33 PM #3
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Default Re: UGH...hate family...depressed

thank you for your response to my post. Really kind of you. You are right family can be that way. I used to think so but then again I can be 100% sure. Saying that when I lost my dad (his son) things changed again. I only lost my dad last year in may and each day I miss him and wish he was here. Sorry it's taken me this long to see this and reply. I've not really looked on here in ages. Hope things are ok with you. Sending big hugs back
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UGH...hate family...depressed

Don't get caught up in what could be, instead appreciate what is. Appreciate what you have & who you have, because the future can take it away from you.

iamspecial is thinking....when all else fails....sit back...look at it....then re-think and start again
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Old 12-25-2018, 03:02 PM #4
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Default Re: UGH...hate family...depressed

Quote:
Originally Posted by waterbottle12 View Post
This must be so terrible for you, my grandad dis-owned my father when i was 3, he dies last year of cancer and we didnt even no, he dis - owned him over a tupid signature because they have the same name, my grand mother dis-owned my dad when i was 11, we wer real close up until then and then she took her son in laws side in a stupid arguement over religion, shes now dying of cancer also, i hated them both, sometimes i think if they had of been in my life or my dads life that things could of been so different for me now!! Family are ment to support us no matter what but in reality, family cn be our biggest and worst enemy's... Did u ever have a close bond with ur Grandad? Or do other family memebers have a close bond with him? I no this may sound harsh but ur a better person than him, dont ever let him bring u down or control how u feel, he obviously has demons that he never delt with dont let his demons hunt u, we already have enough of our own... Hugs to u, I hope your ok


my grandad died of cancer

I'm sorry yours did too

cancer is horrible
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Old 12-25-2018, 03:03 PM #5
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Default Re: UGH...hate family...depressed

Quote:
Originally Posted by iamspecial View Post
thank you for your response to my post. Really kind of you. You are right family can be that way. I used to think so but then again I can be 100% sure. Saying that when I lost my dad (his son) things changed again. I only lost my dad last year in may and each day I miss him and wish he was here. Sorry it's taken me this long to see this and reply. I've not really looked on here in ages. Hope things are ok with you. Sending big hugs back


how are you doing with your depression

hope better?
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Old 12-26-2018, 11:35 PM #6
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Heart Re: UGH...hate family...depressed

Quote:
Originally Posted by raging vortex View Post
how are you doing with your depression

hope better?
i'm on medication right now for it and waiting to see a bereavement counsellor. i try to cope best i can for now..some days are better than others. How are you?
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UGH...hate family...depressed

Don't get caught up in what could be, instead appreciate what is. Appreciate what you have & who you have, because the future can take it away from you.

iamspecial is thinking....when all else fails....sit back...look at it....then re-think and start again
iamspecial is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
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