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Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2012
Location: new england
Posts: 7,733
11 1,818 hugs
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#641
Do you have an appt. to find out? Uncertainty is unnerving...
__________________ "...don't say Home / the bones of that word mend slowly...' marie harris |
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#642
I just finished catching up with one of my soap operas.
such an upsetting episode.. made me feel sad and cry... |
Grand Magnate
Member Since Feb 2015
Location: England,UK
Posts: 3,017
9 863 hugs
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#643
Yes I am seeing the doctor on thursday,I won't know until I have been referred to hospital and they do a biopsy,so too early to find out yet.Thanks for asking though.I will update as soon as I know.I am starting a diet of anti cancer foods straight away.
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Anonymous32451, winter4me
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winter4me
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#644
even though I've not felt suicidal today, I have had a very difficult day (or morning I should say) having a meeting with a person about end of life care.
well, I've always been saying I want to tell someone what I want to happen, and today was it and yes, it was difficult- though the guy listened and told me that he understood, the fact I was even talking to a guy (not a girl) freaked me out the afternoon's been better, but very draining. after all those thoughts and an intense conversation, I didn't want to do much sat down and watched life in peaces now I'm hungry though. want my sausages |
winter4me
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#645
perhaps the scarriest thing to come out of today, is the realisation that I've not listened to any type of music in 2 days, and since I'm someone who loves
music, that's a pretty scary/ depressing thought today was a pretty average day. nothing really bad happened, but then nothing really good happened either is it a little scary that a day of just going through the motions is thought of as a normal day for me? that's kinda depressing |
Grand Magnate
Member Since Feb 2015
Location: England,UK
Posts: 3,017
9 863 hugs
given |
#646
I felt sad today,I went and saw the film Five Feet Apart,which was sad,inspiring,warm,I cried buckets which helped me released the sadness I was carrying inside for myself,the tears felt good and were a release.I coped best I could by going to my favourite places and doing my favourite things.
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Anonymous32451
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#647
my dinner yesterday was rank.
I have to say it, it was pure rank (and I never actually use that word, gross usually covers it) I still have the taste in my mouth even now and it's the following day I had a rough mnight with a lot of flashbacks (very intense, too!) today I had my shower which made me feel as ugly as they come (not to mention give mee intense backpain) which is not relenting even 4 hours later shopping arived for the week (lots of tasty soda), but again, verry heavy on the back and now nothing to do for the rest of the day so I guess just sit here and pretend to exist.. |
winter4me
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Member
Member Since May 2018
Location: US
Posts: 103
5 58 hugs
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#648
I cried at work today. No one saw me. It's not the work itself that's making me cry. I love my job!
It's everything else right now that's sapping the energy from me to even focus here. I can't focus on work, hobbies, anything. I'm putting all my effort into fixing things right now, but life won't cooperate... |
Anonymous32451, winter4me
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Feb 2015
Location: England,UK
Posts: 3,017
9 863 hugs
given |
#649
I am mentally and emotionally drained so I was struggling today but still I ploughed on and went through the motions and cos I felt so low I treated myself to a steak meal at the pub and as I am not allowed soda cos of the sugar and diet pepsi is not allowed cos of the aspartame I allowed myself a pint of larger and lime.
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Anonymous32451, winter4me
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#650
yesterday after dinner I took a walk to the shopp
it was nice in the cool air, and rather quiet too baught some lucasade came home and watched young sheldon which was actually quite funny, for once in my life I enjoyed watching it (I don't often enjoy it, his voice annoys me) but the whole saga with the sandwich made me smile despite it being a quiet night without flashbacks I didn't get rest. back was far too painfull to lie down. today I am feeling horrible. it's the start of brittish summertime (well it's not, but it's what they say when the clocks go forward) I hate the longer hours of light, I hate the warmer weather, I hate the ****ing bugs because I'm alergic, from now until november life's basically a ****ing screw up |
winter4me
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Feb 2015
Location: England,UK
Posts: 3,017
9 863 hugs
given |
#651
I am not handling life too good today,I can't face it,I hibernated all day sleeping on the sofa,I was so tired and lacked energy,I felt weak,and I was seriously depressed.
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winter4me
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#652
today in the UK it's mothers day.
I don't have a mother, (or a mother that wants anything to do with me), so today's hard made slightly easier though by the fact that comercials for it arn't everywhere like most years. just sucks that in sted of going out with my mother like most individuals, I'm staying in doing **** all. yesterday I had a panic attack because I only had 5 peaces of chicken for dinner (all that was in the house), and I can't cope with odd numbers I also really dislike my new body spray, the smell of it does not apeal (does not smell that womanlike) |
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#653
I am having difficulty in that I had a root canal on Tuesday (I have to go back for part two this Tuesday) well, the clamp that they attached to my tooth ripped my gum to bits. Also they seemed to take most of my tooth away and now it is even with my gum line. So every time I eat or talk it hurts.
It just seems like they don't care about me at all. Tried of having to have torture to get health care. Quote:
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Anonymous32451, winter4me
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Feb 2015
Location: England,UK
Posts: 3,017
9 863 hugs
given |
#654
I did not cope well today at all I feel upset all day and so very,very lonely.As my sister and I don't get on I took my mum flowers for mother's day last Sunday and let my sister visit mum today.
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winter4me
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Wise Elder
Member Since Oct 2017
Location: USA
Posts: 9,533
(SuperPoster!)
6 9,711 hugs
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#655
Horrible! Everyone start spying on !e and ganging up on me today the second I start my day
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Member
Member Since Oct 2016
Location: Florida USA
Posts: 365
7 56 hugs
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#656
Today I'm coping with things okay, but I know I could have handled things differently by doing something productive with my day. I pretty much rested in bed all day because I didn't feel good from my anxiety being so severe. Now I finally feel calm and relaxed for once and I'm grateful for that. I never know when my anxiety will rise.
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Grand Member
Member Since Aug 2018
Location: Nowhere
Posts: 838
5 4 hugs
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#657
Getting up early is the only way to cope with things, it makes so much difference. Everything is easier when I have got up early and have more time, more organised. I really NEED to keep doing it. I've been trying to get up before 8 every morning and now trying to get up before 7, and around 6 on days I have to go out or be up for some other reason.
But sometimes I can't help lying there daydreaming about M, and once I start, it's hard to stop. But I really need to just get up and do things, and then later if I have time, then daydream about him. Today I got up at 7 after daydreaming for about an hour, which is fine but tomorrow and Friday I will have to get up around 6, and not lie there daydreaming, making myself late. |
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#658
Quote:
I don't have much family left now you mention it, it's really got me to thinking about who I do actually have my grandmother's past away (she had dimentia), both my grandad's are gone, my uncle's gone too, I have no idea what happened to my aunt (think she's somewhere, just not wanting to talk to any of us), my siblings are alive but don't want to connect, and my mother well, she's getting old it all seems such ashame really |
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#659
have a general sense of shame today. mainly about where I am in terms of age, and how little I've achieved in life
watching a kids thing today eating bourbon biscuits and thinking.. really?. is this all life is now? (I taught alexa how to sing round and round the garden. ) listening to her singing it, while imagineing I'm being tickled by someone with soft skin. yep.... my life is, crap |
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#660
I am having sausage rolls for my main dinner.
sausage rolls I mean where does that even come from |
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