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Old 04-23-2019, 12:42 PM #731
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Default Re: How are you coping today?

Quote:
Originally Posted by lost4357669 View Post
That's what's scary. I can't enjoy anything anymore. There is no way out of this. Every day is just agonizing pain. I have nothing to look forward to. The nice weather is just a reminder of how good so many other people have it and how I have no present and future.

I just want to be gone so badly.
I'm sorry to hear that. Have you been struggling with this for a long time? In my experience depression seems to ebb and flow, but I know for many people it's a constant presence in their life. Also, feel free to PM me if you feel more comfortable talking there. Hope you're feeling better today!
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Old 04-23-2019, 10:13 PM #732
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Default Re: How are you coping today?

Today started out kind of ok then later took a shower, picked up groceries, did laundry and nice to get up and do the dishes, feel like Ive accomplished a few things. Taking it day by day since it gets rough sometimes. Almost one year since my dad passed away and its 10.5 months now. It seems surreal at times and want to wake up from the bad dream. Must keep carrying on, help my mom when possible and do the best I can every day.
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Old 04-24-2019, 10:52 AM #733
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Default Re: How are you coping today?

Every day is like this, just agonizing pain from when I wake up and then go to sleep. There is no relief or peace. I can't enjoy anything. Please pray for my death. I just want to be gone.
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Old 04-24-2019, 10:58 AM #734
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Default Re: How are you coping today?

Quote:
Originally Posted by aimlesshiker View Post
I'm sorry to hear that. Have you been struggling with this for a long time? In my experience depression seems to ebb and flow, but I know for many people it's a constant presence in their life. Also, feel free to PM me if you feel more comfortable talking there. Hope you're feeling better today!
Thank you for saying that and for the online hug.

There is no ebb and flow to this. My life is completely ruined. I was sexually messed with as a kid and I didn't really have a real sexual attraction to women for most of my life so I didn't really take career things seriously my whole life because I never thought I'd get married or want kids.

I was still doing OK but then some bad luck happened and I'm almost 35 now, completely broke, have a job that only pays 47K that it's going to be hard to save all that much from, and I have these sexual feelings that I never did before.

But I've already ruined my entire life. 35, a virgin, no career, no money. I live in constant shame, regret, and pain. And there's nothing I can do now. I can never catch up to over 10 years of earning power and career growth. I can't enjoy time with my family or friends because I just feel constant shame. And they think I"m doing fine so they don't know. And of course now that I actually think I may want a marriage and a kid, I have to cope with the fact that it's never going to happen.

And money will always be a struggle. I'm basically starting my work life at 35. Nothing feels good anymore. I can't enjoy playing sports anymore, movies, music, sunshine....nothing. Everything feels horrible all the time.

I want to die so badly. I'm not even bitter at the people who have it good. That's fine, great for them. I just want to be gone. I can't imagine another 30+ years of daily, agonizing, unrelenting shame and pain. I'm too much of a coward to commit suicide in case I do it wrong and life somehow gets even worse with me ending up paralyzed or something or if there is some kind of eternal punishment. But my god, this is pure hell every single day. There's nothing I can look forward to anymore.

My day is just filled with constant prayer that I somehow die.

- Joe
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Old 04-24-2019, 03:57 PM #735
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Default Re: How are you coping today?

I feel lost and alone,I am struggling to cope,I need some mental and emotional support.I am looking after my mum again on Saturday and staying to pit her to bed,but it is so tiring and putting a strain on me.I do it to help my sister rest,she keeps saying she won't let me do it cos it is too hard but every saturday when I say I will visit she asks if I want to stay put mum to bed and I say yes.And I end up doing it.She is meant to get an agency in to cover weekends but says she is waiting for Power O Attorney cos the agency asks if one is in place.But that could take months and this is stressing and tiring me out,I am not physically or mentally well myself.
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Old 04-24-2019, 04:08 PM #736
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Default Re: How are you coping today?

I am coping well, and I spent out some time outside with my doggie, but I am on edge waiting to hear back from a job. I REALLY want it, and I want to finally break out and start my life, but the waiting is just killing me. Ugh, I need a time machine!
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Old 04-25-2019, 08:49 AM #737
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Default Re: How are you coping today?

Finding humor and empathy for the toxic control dynamic in my FOO.
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Old 04-25-2019, 10:41 AM #738
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Default Re: How are you coping today?

Feel really numb. Trying to at least show some love to people as I embark on my last of times.
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Old 04-25-2019, 10:59 AM #739
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Default Re: How are you coping today?

the chronic pain is really getting to me.

it is so bad (and making most things impossible)

I suppose okay apart from that, watched the new christopher robbin movie today which was okay (but took a while to get itself going)
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Old 04-26-2019, 10:20 AM #740
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Default Re: How are you coping today?

shower day today so more horrible chronic pain

and struggling to breav

and balance

and I'm out of food (well not entirely but mostly)

went too the shop today to get some stuff but need a hell of a lot more

nearly got stung on the way to the shop by a bumble bee (which I'm alergic too)

not a great day
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