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Fuzzybear
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Default Apr 21, 2019 at 03:37 PM
  #721
I was doing ok

Now I’m spiralling down again

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Default Apr 21, 2019 at 05:44 PM
  #722
Sad today. Coping but deeply sad.
 
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Default Apr 21, 2019 at 06:23 PM
  #723
Coping really well today,not just coping even thriving.
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Default Apr 22, 2019 at 09:03 AM
  #724
I'm not. I feel horrible all the time. Just praying if there's any kind of God or universe to just please take my life. I'm not bitter towards anyone that's happy and has a great life. that's awesome for them. I just don't want to be here anymore. There is no relief or peace. Every moment of every day just feels awful and a reminder of how I will never be able to feel happy.
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Default Apr 22, 2019 at 09:07 AM
  #725
I have aches and pains in my body and I feel uncomfortable due to the heat,the sun is hot out there today.I don't have to do anything much today,so I am just hanging out on the sofa,nothing taxing,so if you call that coping then I am coping.
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Default Apr 22, 2019 at 03:07 PM
  #726
I was having one of the best days at work in a long time, and suddenly I get some (relatively minor) but still upsetting news, and now I feel like crap again.
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Default Apr 22, 2019 at 03:12 PM
  #727
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Originally Posted by lost4357669 View Post
I'm not. I feel horrible all the time. Just praying if there's any kind of God or universe to just please take my life. I'm not bitter towards anyone that's happy and has a great life. that's awesome for them. I just don't want to be here anymore. There is no relief or peace. Every moment of every day just feels awful and a reminder of how I will never be able to feel happy.
I hope things turn around for you soon. Please don't give up! It's Earth Day today. I hope it's nice enough for you to enjoy the outdoors today. That always has a healing effect.
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Default Apr 22, 2019 at 05:11 PM
  #728
Pretty good, considering I was a mess on Friday.

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Default Apr 22, 2019 at 05:38 PM
  #729
I'm feeling well today. The weather is nice. I started cleaning my apartment yesterday. I washed several loads of clothes. I am trying to lose weight now. I gained about 15 pounds from my shots. I feel positive about myself. I am trying to focus on my appearance because I'm overweight now and feel heavy. I will walk around the building for thirty minutes again today. I am trying not to eat everything in sight anymore. I think the shots are working now.


I was really psychotic for awhile. I was talking to myself and to other characters inside of me. I thought space aliens were after me.

I discovered kpop. It is not bad.

I am happy. I like being near my family. I don't want to live away from them if I can help it.
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Default Apr 23, 2019 at 10:40 AM
  #730
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I hope things turn around for you soon. Please don't give up! It's Earth Day today. I hope it's nice enough for you to enjoy the outdoors today. That always has a healing effect.
That's what's scary. I can't enjoy anything anymore. There is no way out of this. Every day is just agonizing pain. I have nothing to look forward to. The nice weather is just a reminder of how good so many other people have it and how I have no present and future.

I just want to be gone so badly.
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Default Apr 23, 2019 at 12:42 PM
  #731
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That's what's scary. I can't enjoy anything anymore. There is no way out of this. Every day is just agonizing pain. I have nothing to look forward to. The nice weather is just a reminder of how good so many other people have it and how I have no present and future.

I just want to be gone so badly.
I'm sorry to hear that. Have you been struggling with this for a long time? In my experience depression seems to ebb and flow, but I know for many people it's a constant presence in their life. Also, feel free to PM me if you feel more comfortable talking there. Hope you're feeling better today!
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Default Apr 23, 2019 at 10:13 PM
  #732
Today started out kind of ok then later took a shower, picked up groceries, did laundry and nice to get up and do the dishes, feel like I’ve accomplished a few things. Taking it day by day since it gets rough sometimes. Almost one year since my dad passed away and it’s 10.5 months now. It seems surreal at times and want to wake up from the bad dream. Must keep carrying on, help my mom when possible and do the best I can every day.
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Default Apr 24, 2019 at 10:52 AM
  #733
Every day is like this, just agonizing pain from when I wake up and then go to sleep. There is no relief or peace. I can't enjoy anything. Please pray for my death. I just want to be gone.
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Default Apr 24, 2019 at 10:58 AM
  #734
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Originally Posted by aimlesshiker View Post
I'm sorry to hear that. Have you been struggling with this for a long time? In my experience depression seems to ebb and flow, but I know for many people it's a constant presence in their life. Also, feel free to PM me if you feel more comfortable talking there. Hope you're feeling better today!
Thank you for saying that and for the online hug.

There is no ebb and flow to this. My life is completely ruined. I was sexually messed with as a kid and I didn't really have a real sexual attraction to women for most of my life so I didn't really take career things seriously my whole life because I never thought I'd get married or want kids.

I was still doing OK but then some bad luck happened and I'm almost 35 now, completely broke, have a job that only pays 47K that it's going to be hard to save all that much from, and I have these sexual feelings that I never did before.

But I've already ruined my entire life. 35, a virgin, no career, no money. I live in constant shame, regret, and pain. And there's nothing I can do now. I can never catch up to over 10 years of earning power and career growth. I can't enjoy time with my family or friends because I just feel constant shame. And they think I"m doing fine so they don't know. And of course now that I actually think I may want a marriage and a kid, I have to cope with the fact that it's never going to happen.

And money will always be a struggle. I'm basically starting my work life at 35. Nothing feels good anymore. I can't enjoy playing sports anymore, movies, music, sunshine....nothing. Everything feels horrible all the time.

I want to die so badly. I'm not even bitter at the people who have it good. That's fine, great for them. I just want to be gone. I can't imagine another 30+ years of daily, agonizing, unrelenting shame and pain. I'm too much of a coward to commit suicide in case I do it wrong and life somehow gets even worse with me ending up paralyzed or something or if there is some kind of eternal punishment. But my god, this is pure hell every single day. There's nothing I can look forward to anymore.

My day is just filled with constant prayer that I somehow die.

- Joe
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Default Apr 24, 2019 at 03:57 PM
  #735
I feel lost and alone,I am struggling to cope,I need some mental and emotional support.I am looking after my mum again on Saturday and staying to pit her to bed,but it is so tiring and putting a strain on me.I do it to help my sister rest,she keeps saying she won't let me do it cos it is too hard but every saturday when I say I will visit she asks if I want to stay put mum to bed and I say yes.And I end up doing it.She is meant to get an agency in to cover weekends but says she is waiting for Power O Attorney cos the agency asks if one is in place.But that could take months and this is stressing and tiring me out,I am not physically or mentally well myself.
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Default Apr 24, 2019 at 04:08 PM
  #736
I am coping well, and I spent out some time outside with my doggie, but I am on edge waiting to hear back from a job. I REALLY want it, and I want to finally break out and start my life, but the waiting is just killing me. Ugh, I need a time machine!

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Default Apr 25, 2019 at 08:49 AM
  #737
Finding humor and empathy for the toxic control dynamic in my FOO.

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Default Apr 25, 2019 at 10:41 AM
  #738
Feel really numb. Trying to at least show some love to people as I embark on my last of times.
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Default Apr 25, 2019 at 10:59 AM
  #739
the chronic pain is really getting to me.

it is so bad (and making most things impossible)

I suppose okay apart from that, watched the new christopher robbin movie today which was okay (but took a while to get itself going)
 
 
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Default Apr 26, 2019 at 10:20 AM
  #740
shower day today so more horrible chronic pain

and struggling to breav

and balance

and I'm out of food (well not entirely but mostly)

went too the shop today to get some stuff but need a hell of a lot more

nearly got stung on the way to the shop by a bumble bee (which I'm alergic too)

not a great day
 
 
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