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Old 11-28-2018, 07:46 PM #1
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I posted about this elsewhere...my sweet little rescue dog is going to die. Hopefully not before Christmas...but it's bad. He's very sick.

I took him in for shots before Thanksgiving. He was running a fever and there were other signs. We did a CBC and found his platelets and white blood cells were obscenely low. He was put on a strong antibiotic with the thought it was a tick-born illness. We rechecked after Thanksgiving, geez, I can't believe it was just yesterday that we rechecked and this has all happened so fast. He had lost a significant amount of weight in that week. And the CBC was even lower. So the antibiotic did nothing.

We immediately went to a specialist. A whole bunch of tests later, he has aggressive lymphoma. For a variety of reasons that I'm not going get into, we are not going to do chemotherapy. We also don't know yet if it's T cell or B cell, so we don't know if chemo would even be helpful. He's on prednisone for now, and that will fight the cancer. But not for long and the cancer will eventually beat the prednisone. At most we're looking at 6 months...probably not even that long.

I'm a wreck. Not coping well. This poor dog has been through so much. He's tried so hard for me to recover from his abusive past. He's only 3. He's still a baby. He's afraid of the world, agoraphobic. He only trusts me, will only let me pet him. He was too afraid to relieve himself for the past 24 hours at the vet's.

I'm just falling apart with this. I can't make sense of it. It's unjust and unfair. There's no rational explanation. He doesn't deserve it; he didn't get it because I didn't take care of him. I can't blame anyone, not even myself. And the sad thing is that my sweet boy, who has already suffered so much, will have to suffer a bit more before the end. And I will have to grieve this little boy that I love so much.

He changed my life. He gave me my sleep back. I have a service dog, but this guy was just a pet. But even so, he was a natural alerter and would actually alert a few seconds before my service dog. He's a master cuddler. Never had a dog cuddle like he does before. And he's too cute for words. Everyone says so.

I'm so sad beyond belief and description right now. I've been crying for 2 days straight now...and I don't know when it will stop.

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Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder
Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia.

Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien

Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less...
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Old 11-28-2018, 09:05 PM #2
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I'm so sorry Seesaw. This is so massively unfair.
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Old 11-28-2018, 09:11 PM #3
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Hey Sees, it's so good to see your face again, though the circumstances are very sad. I'm so sorry you're going through this right now, through everything just remember that it's normal to fall apart at the passing of a pet, I have done it myself many times and it's sometimes as traumatic as losing a family member because they truly are family. Sending love your way.
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Old 11-29-2018, 03:16 AM #4
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((((seesaw)))) I'm so sorry you and your dog are struggling. Take your time to grieve and heal. Like you said, it's not your fault, so please don't balem yourself for anything that happened. I understand you must be feeling pretty bad right now... still, let's hope for the best outcome. I'm so sorry you have to go through this. Let us know how it goes
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Old 11-29-2018, 08:03 AM #5
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I am sorry to hear about the dog. I hope you enjoy the time you have left with him- and that when he does eventually go, you'll think about the happy times you spent together- and the joy he braught to your life.

remember to also take time for yourself though. it's okay to cry, to scream, to do what ever you need to do to griev- and their's no time limit on it either, take as long as you need
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Old 11-29-2018, 08:07 AM #6
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I don't share this with anyone, but when I was about 6, I had a pet mouse called zack. he wasn't my first pet, but he was a treasured pet

when he died, I did cry, and I was devistated. we ended up burying him outside (I couldn't bare life without him), and I somehow thought that the fresh clean air would somehow be good for him and he'll come back and be just as good as he was before he died.

every day I went to see him hoping he would, and I did that for many, many years.

of course, he never did

but that's how I coped with it
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Old 11-29-2018, 02:11 PM #7
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Old 11-29-2018, 06:03 PM #8
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One thing that gives me solace when a beloved animal passes is that I just do think there are not enough of us loving wonderful pet parents out there. And in a karmic sense / or god sense... perhaps another animal just needs you MORE.

Focus on how much love your dog got from you and how great you made his life. Animals, are blessed with no being self aware. They are in the moment and to them it is 3 minutes or three hours they don't really know. But they do know, hey there is that person I like that person is being nice to me.

On a practical note, have you looked into hemp or CBD oil for dogs? I have seen hemp do amazing things for my cat (not curing cancer but helpful) CBD for Dogs With Lymphoma - How Much Should You Give
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Old 11-29-2018, 10:16 PM #9
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I am so sorry, Seesaw.
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Old 12-01-2018, 12:22 AM #10
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Oh I am so so sorry to hear that seesaw.
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