[marie4567]

I'm new here. Just registered. I have been having trouble...

I was diagnosed with depression among other things when I was a young teenager, I tried to kill myself, and it's been a long time since I have been that low. I really believed that things were fine now, that it was a passing phase, that those feelings wouldn't come back. They went away, or at least, I told myself they had. And now, everything is hitting me hard--I am in college, and I have been doing so well there. I have such a wonderful and supportive boyfriend and go to lots of concerts and play lots of music. That's what I'm studying. I am reaching out to other musicians, going to their shows, getting to know people. I should be doing so well--this is the best my life has ever been, I have basically everything I want, or at the very least, it's all within reach. But I'm so sad. I cry so much, sometimes for no reason, and sometimes I think i make up reasons. And it feels like such a sad cry--like everything is dark and collapsing inward..I don't have as much fun as I used to. I get so hard on myself whenever i do the slightest thing wrong and it never fails to ruin my day. I am extremely socially anxious, to the point where after every social event I think about all the things I did wrong, how awkward I was, etc. It sounds silly but it feels debilitating. I so badly want to have friends and I really do try and reach out to people so often to try and initiate things, but I'm honestly a little scared of people, and maybe they sense that. And I've been anxious about things that are imaginary. Especially about getting sick or having a problem in my body; it has become such an issue that my boyfriend, who is the most supportive person I've ever had in my life, has had to ask me to stop talking about it, because I obsess and can't seem to ever stop, worrying about anything there is to worry about, and I believe it is also making him want to stay with me less, but I can't stop bringing the mood down. It's like no matter what happens, the night ends with me being sad and often bringing him down, although he says he's there for me. I don't know. I spend practically all of my energy just worrying and being hard on myself, and I'm so ******* tired of it I just want it to stop.

[Skeezyks]

Hello marie: Since this is your first post, here on PC... welcome to PsychCentral. I'm sorry you are having such a difficult time. Hopefully coming here to PC can be of some comfort & support.

Since you mentioned being in college one additional forum, here on PC, that may be of interest to you would be the school & study issues forum. Here's a link:

https://forums.psychcentral.com/scho...-study-issues/

I don't know as there is a lot I can offer you in the way of suggestions regarding what you're experiencing. Perhaps other PC members may have some thoughts they will wish to share. We here on PC can't offer mental health diagnoses. And, besides, I'm not a mental health professional. From a lay-person's perspective, I see a number of different possible mental-health-related concerns embedded within what you wrote. But that's just my personal opinion. I think the way to untangle everything that is going on with you is to seek the services of a skilled mental health therapist & work with that person to figure out what is going on & what to do about it.

In the meantime, however, here are links to a selection of 12 articles, from PsychCentral's archives, that may be of some help, several of these by our host Dr. John Grohol, Psy.D:

Depression - What is it really? Can it Be Treated?

Living with Depression: A Guide for Coping with Depressive Feelings

Anxiety Disorders - Learn the Symptoms & Treatment

Social Anxiety Overview

https://psychcentral.com/lib/6-ways-...ocial-anxiety/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/back-t...dium=popular17

https://psychcentral.com/blog/mental...lege-students/

https://psychcentral.com/lib/depress...tudents/?all=1

https://psychcentral.com/blog/coping...the-workplace/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/hyper-...dium=popular17

https://psychcentral.com/blog/how-do...r-john-grohol/

https://psychcentral.com/find-therapist/

I hope you find PC to be of benefit.

[sarahsweets]

The first thing I thought of is are you on medication, do you have a therapist and do you have a psychiatrist or doctor that helps you manage your mental heath? I feel these are like tied for being most important for many reasons but specifically:
When S**t hits the fan for us it all goes down. We may or may not ask for help but we need it. In good cases at some point help is offered and accepted. It can be a long trial and error process with meds and docs and sometimes its a life long process. But its still an active step. In many cases we get back to a good place and we think we do not need the help anymore. Some of us go off our meds, stop the docs. no more therapy. And SOME of us can pull that off, maybe even for life. Statistically though mental health is treatable WHEN ITS TREATED. So if you do not have a doc, do not try meds, do not try therapy, meditation, anything, it will get bad. Mental health disorders and diseases are not life sentences for pain and misery. It just means you have to treat it. I have BPII in addition to other stuff. I went through periods where I would get stable on my meds, then become non-compliant because I felt better. Or had a manic phase or cycle. Or been in one of those moods where you try and change everything all at once drastically. If I were a betting gal I would bet on mental health issues needing lifelong treatment. I would bet on having some things feel resolved and then coming back. I would bet on having my life seem smooth but being a tangle of emotions. I would bet on feeling sad when I should feel happy. I would bet on still having hard times. I am not a mathmetician it just makes sense to me. Another thing...a therapist once told me that I would know I had a good relationship with a man when I felt soooo like odd or out of the norm a few times. When I asked why he said its because I had gotten used to being treated like such ***** that ***** treatment seemed like normal and being treated well and valued would seem like abnormal treatment. Fortunately I had already been in therapy at age 18 when I met my husband so this was true for me. I wonder if you just found a window to breathe in and you are like worried that something will go wrong? Is that possible?

[Quarter life]

Hi marie.

For those who feel alone, or simply wanting to reach out for a chat without judgement......Psych Central is the place. There are many good listeners here... we're a pretty good bunch.

I have been an active member of this site for 4 years. In that time I have received some really constructive feedback and connected with several others with similar challenges to myself. I have also found hanging out in the Games Forums to be a welcome distraction in times of stress... a great way to clear my head, meet like minded others, and have some well needed fun. New members benefit greatly from perusing the many forums available here...lots to explore.

Also after 5 approved posts members have the option to join the chatrooms..or chat one on one with other members.

Should you have any questions on navigating this site, please don't hesitate to private message me or any of the other Community Liaisons who will be more than happy to help. Just click on the screen name above my avatar.

Please be kind & generous to yourself marie, and welcome to P.C