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Old 12-19-2018, 10:20 AM   #1
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Unhappy How Can You Not Feel ENVY?

is there a way to avoid feeling ENVY?


if not, whats the best way to cope with it and not let it ruin your day/life?


or how can you not let it make you feel little, invisible and undeserving of what others have and you have not? and feel like you will never have(happiness)?
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Old 12-19-2018, 12:56 PM   #2
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Smile Re: How Can You Not Feel ENVY?

Here are links to 3 articles, from PsychCentral's archives, on the subject of how to deal with jealousy & envy:

8 Ways To Overcome Jealousy and Envy

8 Healthy Ways to Deal with Jealousy

How Insecurity Leads to Envy, Jealousy, and Shame

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Old 12-19-2018, 01:17 PM   #3
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Default Re: How Can You Not Feel ENVY?

That's a deep question, sinking. I think each one of us feels envy towards someone sometimes. I think it's important to remember that even the people who seems to have it all may be struggling deeply inside. Just look at many celebrities. I think everyone has his own struggle, so no life is really perfect. I hope that can help a bit. I'm sorry I don't have a lot of advice. Sending many hugs to you
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Old 12-19-2018, 01:20 PM   #4
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Default Re: How Can You Not Feel ENVY?

Thank you. i read the articles and are uselful and they really helped.


Problem is, i envy everyone (whether i know them or not) and for everything (about positive things but negatives too).


From whatever point i look at it (who i envy and why) i always lose the comparison and therefore i feel inferior/ashamed and the envy arises…


i would like to be happy LIKE them, forgetting that what makes THEM happy doent necessarily make happy ME. and i cant find what makes me happy or willing to live.
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Old 12-19-2018, 05:38 PM   #5
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Default Re: How Can You Not Feel ENVY?

A blessed mindset indeed, really indeed it is. To the issue, it is not really what makes you feel envy it is why, find out what that might be then accept it as either a life worry or what makes you who you are.
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Old 12-20-2018, 04:42 AM   #6
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Default Re: How Can You Not Feel ENVY?

Thank you Dlantern, it is really wise.

Ive noticed that what makes me envious is others ability and right to feel their feelings, especially happiness.

I can find anything that truly makes me happy....
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Old 12-20-2018, 05:09 AM   #7
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Default Re: How Can You Not Feel ENVY?

I'm so sorry, sinking. What do you usually like to do in your free time? Maybe that could help. Starting from your hobbies may be a start. Please remember that your life is worth living, even if you can't see it at the moment. I hope you'll feel better soon. Hopefully one day you'll be able to find a little bit of joy in your life. Please don't give up. Stay safe and take care of yourself. Sending many hugs to you
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Old 12-20-2018, 01:52 PM   #8
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Default Re: How Can You Not Feel ENVY?

Sinking, I don't know if this will help you,but it might. When I was in my early 30's, I was unhappy, and very envious of everyone else around me that appeared happy and content. Emphasis on the "appeared". LOL. So I went to a business seminar, and one of the exercises was to write down what your life would look like if time & money were not an issue. So, in true American form, I wrote down the big house that I would have, the fancy cars, jewelry, etc. Then we went on to the next lesson on how to work to get all of that. And after a year, I had all of that. And I sat there one morning, after I had just purchased the very last thing on my list, and instead of feeling happy, I felt empty.

I had been happy while I was working and pursuing those "things". I woke up with purpose every day and nothing stopped me. But once I had reached my goal, I was lost. It was then that I went to another seminar. One I wish I had gone to first. In that one, we were asked to write down how we would like people to describe us. I wrote down traits such as "honest, kind, etc." And then we had to write down what we would like to say we did for hobbies and such in our spare time. I wrote down things like "volunteer at causes that are important to me such as helping animals, elderly people, etc", and "kayaking and hiking" We were told to dream up anything, even if we had never done them. We were then told to start acting as if we were already that person. Kind of like leveling up and holding yourself to a higher standard. A higher purpose.

Maybe you could start there. With writing down your new version of yourself that you would find enviable. What type of work would you be doing? What type of hobbies would you envy, etc? What type of character traits,etc. And then go out and start behaving as if you are already that enviable person. Because if you are actively in pursuit of becoming that person, then you ARE that person. None of us are complete, finished works. We are all works in progress.
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Old 12-21-2018, 07:10 AM   #9
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Default Re: How Can You Not Feel ENVY?

2Jumpy, i've found what you've written extremally wise and helpful, so THANK YOU VERY MUCH!


I also have found that pursuing something is often more rewarding than getting that something. basically because you go after something outside of yourself rather than focusing inside on what makes you the person you'd want to be.


i'll surely think a lot about this and i hope it will work for me too.


but what if you envy other people's way of feeling. its like im uncapable of feeling happiness and if i never experience it, how can i pursue it?
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Old 12-21-2018, 08:50 AM   #10
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Sinking, you wrote "but what if you envy other people's way of feeling. its like im uncapable of feeling happiness and if i never experience it, how can i pursue it?"

Dig deep and try to recall any single moment in your life where you felt joy or happiness or even simply content or peace. You may have to go way back. For me, it was a moment all the way back at age 8.

Then analyze the heck out of that single moment. What internally were you feeling and what around you caused those feelings? Or perhaps, what icky things were absent in that moment? Example, for me, my moment was age 8, a Fall day at school during recess when I was outside playing hopscotch on the sidewalk with two really nice girls. I felt accepted, I felt respected, we were all just laughing and nothing was special about it, we were all just being ourselves and I trusted them and they trusted me. The sun was shining, the air was soft and smelled of fall leaves. I felt content, peaceful, safe and therefore happy.

From your memory, you then know what you need to pursue. Perhaps even your one memory of feeling joy, will make you smile right now and feel it again. Perhaps you can occasionally recall that memory to feel a bit of joy when you need it. And then of course there is always the researched stuff to increase your brain's "feel good" chemicals, such as 30 minutes of cardio(even walking) per day, 15 minutes of sunshine per day, leafy greens, a multi vitamin, omega 3 fatty foods such as nuts, seeds, fish and chocolate...there's always chocolate when times get really tough. LOL I am assuming you are already on an antidepressant right? If not, they are a lifesaver. I had to try several to find one that worked. But if you use nicotine, you will need maximum dosage of RX because the liver breaks it down faster in tobacco users. I hope there was something there that will be useful to you. Hang in there.
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