Distraught

I'm 32 and have been dealing with depression since middle school, It feels like a lifelong battle ahead of me and I'm getting pretty tired of it. My depression med helped some but it became less effective earlier this year. The dose was doubled and I felt better for few months, but I am back in to the rabbit hole again. I was diagnosed with ADHD earlier this year and started the medication last month. My depression medication became less effective prior to the new med, so I don’t think it was the interaction.

I do well in school and at work even though I am actually struggling to get out of bed each morning. No one knows this except for my ex-husband. Other people always think that I'm nice, smart, hardworking, and outgoing. I do things that I find enjoyable, but at the same time that good feeling is only temporary. My depression haunts me with every single step I take... Therapy never helped me, so I stopped going. I've tried numerous counselors and I had no luck.

I had a miscarriage back in October with my friends with benefit. He wanted to continue to see each other until he started to put up a wall and we saw each other less and less. I got tired of it and told him I was almost ready to date again. This happened the day after Thanksgiving. We hooked up few times two weeks ago, and this week he said we should cool it off because he's ready to date again. Our reaction to this was "we knew this wasn't going to last forever." I know he's not the type of guy who would normally commit, and I hooked up with him because I was going through a heart break from the previous year and didn't want to date.

I feel lost and I wish I could go to sleep and never wake up. I know I have it good and I'm very lucky compared to some people out there. But the emptiness just won't go away, it doesn't matter what I do. With or without people, there is always something missing. I hate feeling this way.

I'm not sure if anyone here can help or relate to this…

Such a sad way to think on things. I think the battle can be won just try to understand what is needed in therapy.

You've been through a lot in a short amount of time. Be gentle on yourself