Not wanting to be "beholden" to others.

Dec 21, 2018 at 06:53 PM

I really have an issue with this. So much so that I have trouble even opening xmas gifts. I don't want to be in anyone's debt to the extent that interns giving me a small box of candy for xmas can really really bother me all day.

Anyone else?

Skeezyks · Dec 22, 2018 at 02:02 PM

Thanks for sharing this.

No... I don't have this problem because I've cut myself off from everyone & I don't do Christmas (or any other holiday either for that matter.)

But having anyone doing anything for me would certainly be bothersome were it to happen. It would mean that someone had gotten even marginally close... which is something I avoid at all costs.

Dec 22, 2018 at 02:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Skeezyks

Thanks for sharing this.

No... I don't have this problem because I've cut myself off from everyone & I don't do Christmas (or any other holiday either for that matter.)

But having anyone doing anything for me would certainly be bothersome were it to happen. It would mean that someone had gotten even marginally close... which is something I avoid at all costs.

Ditto. Though like my interns are not close at all to me. They just feel they have to, that drives me nuts. There is no way to tell them there is no way they should get me gifts.

But it is hard to let people do favors for me. Right down to if someone stops to let me off the train first, I have to struggle not to stop and tell them to go first.

Dec 22, 2018 at 02:21 PM

I have a similar issue. While I like receiving gifts, I worry that the people giving me gifts have some kind of ulterior motive for doing so. I don't think that people would be nice to somebody like me without expecting something in return later down the line.

I can't tell you how many times I have had people give me gifts in my childhood and then either tell me "treat your mother better in return" when my mother would lie and manipulate people about my "acting up" or use said gift against me when I did something even slightly wrong (I.E telling me they bought me this nice gift that one time how dare I defy them?!).

So yeah, I understand.

dlantern · Dec 22, 2018 at 02:25 PM

Adjectives are really a strong suit if I had to to really unpack this statement then I'd wait until there is comfort.

whatdoesitmean · Dec 22, 2018 at 05:14 PM

Somebody giving you a gift is not your problem. If you don't want to give back, you don't have to. If they understand the meaning of "giving", they will not expect anything of you. And, you should not feel obligated to give back, giving just because you feel obligated is not giving, anyway.

Dec 22, 2018 at 07:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by whatdoesitmean

Somebody giving you a gift is not your problem. If you don't want to give back, you don't have to. If they understand the meaning of "giving", they will not expect anything of you. And, you should not feel obligated to give back, giving just because you feel obligated is not giving, anyway.

My issue is that I don't really believe that in my head. My head thinks as sure as can be... they they are counting and I will have to do something for them.

But I didn't want to focus on a gift... anything that someone else does for me .. even if it is their job.

Such as my local grocery store takes the carriage out to your car - I always try to get out of it, even though it is the persons job, I will be like... no no I got this.. even if I look ridiculous because I clearly don't got it and could use a hand.

Dec 26, 2018 at 07:08 PM

I can see why this bothers you. I do think some people do truly enjoy giving gifts but I agree that some people do have ulterior motives. I usually just give a gift in return so that I feel better.

Dec 26, 2018 at 10:18 PM

I think the interns gave you a small gift to let you know how much they appreciate all the education/friendship they received from you during the year. It's their way of giving back to you. No need to feel any obligation. Accept and relish the concept that someone thought of you.

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Anonymous45521 Guest Posts: n/a	Dec 21, 2018 at 06:53 PM #1 I really have an issue with this. So much so that I have trouble even opening xmas gifts. I don't want to be in anyone's debt to the extent that interns giving me a small box of candy for xmas can really really bother me all day. Anyone else?
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Skeezyks Disreputable Old Troll Member Since Oct 2015 Location: The Star of the North Posts: 32,762 (SuperPoster!) 8 17.4k hugs given	Dec 22, 2018 at 02:02 PM #2 Thanks for sharing this. No... I don't have this problem because I've cut myself off from everyone & I don't do Christmas (or any other holiday either for that matter.) But having anyone doing anything for me would certainly be bothersome were it to happen. It would mean that someone had gotten even marginally close... which is something I avoid at all costs.
	Reply With Quote

dlantern Poohbah Member Since Feb 2017 Location: Logan Posts: 1,155 7 8 hugs given	Dec 22, 2018 at 02:25 PM #5 Adjectives are really a strong suit if I had to to really unpack this statement then I'd wait until there is comfort.
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whatdoesitmean Junior Member Member Since Dec 2018 Location: USA Posts: 14 5 2 hugs given	Dec 22, 2018 at 05:14 PM #6 Somebody giving you a gift is not your problem. If you don't want to give back, you don't have to. If they understand the meaning of "giving", they will not expect anything of you. And, you should not feel obligated to give back, giving just because you feel obligated is not giving, anyway.
	Reply With Quote

Anonymous47864 Guest Posts: n/a	Dec 26, 2018 at 07:08 PM #8 I can see why this bothers you. I do think some people do truly enjoy giving gifts but I agree that some people do have ulterior motives. I usually just give a gift in return so that I feel better.
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Anonymous59275 Guest Posts: n/a	Dec 26, 2018 at 10:18 PM #9 I think the interns gave you a small gift to let you know how much they appreciate all the education/friendship they received from you during the year. It's their way of giving back to you. No need to feel any obligation. Accept and relish the concept that someone thought of you.
	Reply With Quote