[iamspecial]

This week is just getting worse each day that comes and i'm ready to give up now. Looks like i'm not going to become a teacher, i'm not gonna get to finish Uni, I'm going to fail my goal and my dream wont ever come true. So i'm just a failure and no point in trying anymore.....i'm so upset it's unreal.....my tutor had me crying yesterday because she was really mean to me and i didn't even ask to talk to her because i knew what she was like, i wanted my personal tutor but she was teaching so i couldn't talk to her so it's not looking good for me at all right now. I'm so crushed and heartbrocken that if i do get kicked out of Uni for not being able to find a placement to work in while i'm at Uni and working a paid job (the placement will be volunteering work so wont pay my bills at all because finding a paid job in a nursery just isn't easy here at all so volunteering is the only option left)....but like everyone else i need money to live on!!!! I can't live on nothing!! Yet my heartless B!tch of a tutor doesn't care/wasn't interested!! No placement....get kicked off the course....what was the point of doing the first year to be kicked off in the second year?!?!? Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr....i just can't stop crying and i know, you don't really care about any of this but if i fail now i might as well not breath again and not wake up anymore in the morning....just don't think i'll be able to handle this on top of everything else that is going wrong in my life....i knew i wasn't special and i knew i'd end up being like my mom....a lazy cow who sits watching TV all day!! That's what would happen if i'm kicked out...OMG why is this happening now?!?!?

Just hate this and me right now for what is going on!! I'm still really struggling with it and i still cry about it....just can't seem to stop so i look a real mess I have wanted to be a teacher all my life and well that tutor was horrid and might take that away from me so i'm still cut up about it and last night was just hell for me....was up most the night vomiting Thats how bad it's effecting me. I needed my little boy today so when i got the text asking if i was free for my parents to come over with my baby i wasn't gonna be free because i was working (it's what i have to live on...my paid work) but i asked if they would come after i finished but it started raining hard so we closed (we are outside) so i was freezing all day till i got to go home to my flat and wait for them to bring my boy to me so i could have a massive hug off him and some kisses. Just not in a good place or mood right now. I don't want to wake tomorrow and deffo don't want to go to uni after monday. Gonna be hell tomorrow and I wont get in till late....not in a good place at all.

I have no one who cares really and i'm sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo alone!!!! I have let my Grandma down and i really hate that i have let her down....i'm a failure and a disgrace and i should have known i'd never become anything!! I guess my mom was right with what she said....."you will never amount to anything, you are too thick, you wont have a career ect...." WOW hurts the more i think of it....grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

[IowaFarmGal]

Hugs and prayers that a placement will show up for you. Do they have any sort of financial advisor that might be able to help with the other part? I wish you could get your Mom's voice out of your head so it won't pull you down. Revise the goal any way you have to for success, but don't give up on yourself. It isn't failure to revise a goal so you can succeed. Hugs (((((iamspecial)))))

[dailyhealing]

Hi special,

Thanks for posting this on here. For what it's worth, I think all people have worth that is unrelated to their accomplishments or lack of them... I don't really understand how the school system works in the UK ( I think that's where you are), but will the door on you becoming a teacher really close just because of this tutor? I'm not sure I followed that all the way.

It sounds like you have a lot going on right now, and are feeling really bad about yourself. I'm really sorry to hear that! I don't know you well, but I do care about you. I hope you begin to feel better and that your outlook on things is able to change a bit.

[0w6c379]

[quote=iamspecial;2583529]
I don't quite understand why you think you will not be a teacher and that your goal is ruined. However, regardless of that, my suggestion is to go on as planned. Get up tomorrow and fullfill your obligations. Go to the Uni as scheduled in spite of whatever has happened with the tutor. You are not out of the running until you have officially been notified as such. Whatever that mean tutor has said or done, you need to push forward with all your might towards your goal. Get some sleep, take your shower as if everything is fine and do the best you can at whatever task is before you. The worst you believe may happen, might not be. If it does happen, go home cry it off and figure out the next step to take to overcome it. You sound like an intelligent person, you know what your priorities are and you are working hard to achieve them. Sometimes we have to make adjustments. You do have people routing for you like that beautiful baby of yours and the rest of us here at Psychcentral. I've been through many hard times myself in life and there was one semester when I was in college where I was convinced, really, that I would get all "D"s at the end of the semester. Someone encouraged me to just keep going and I wound up getting excellent grades. Life is so unpredictable. Try to hold on to your dream. I wish you all the best.

[jelly-bean]

You are the only one who can decide whether you are a success or a failure, a teacher or not. It is the choices you make every day ofyour life that are going to make a difference. If you choose to believe the tutor or your mother then you will fail. If, however, you get up in the morning and decide that you WILL be successful and You WILL be a teacher the you will succeed. You must choose every day to succeed and believe that you will and it will happen.

I always want to give up, my family won't let me.

[Mary73]

Ever watched that funny movie "What About Bob"...They mention "baby steps" in the movie quite often. I've found that to be helpful in realizing that just because you are sobbing at the moment and everything is crashing around you does not mean that an hour or two from now things will start to change for the better. I also believe you will be a teacher! Don't give up on that dream. to you and I do care and I know exactly where you are at and how you feel and you are NOT a screw up. Be gentle with yourself.

[iamspecial]

Thank you everyone for your lovely and kind comments to this post. sorry it's taken me so long to thank you all

[Nimitri]

I know how you feel. I felt it when I was finishing my uni. I felt desperate, craven, unworthy, sick everyday and like a piece of garbage that was just wasting time of everybody. It hurt. It hurt the studying, the edition, the preparation and even know when I finished it I feel the pang of recentment about that time.

I don't know what your goal is or your obstacle to feel so horrible. But I can tell you this: you are worthy. You are worthy to get your job, to try and do your best, to feel as you feel and to suffer and then get up and continue, to smile in a moment and then cry and then laugh and then curl in your bed. Your emotions are not bad. Your fears are real because you suffer them and have the same weight as if they were a fact but this also apply to your abilities, to your positive qualities, to the love you had been shown and the love you have shown yourselves every day when you had woken up and worked, studied and tried. They are as real as the ground beneath you and as worthy of you as you have made them.

I wish I could promise you that you will not fail. That everything will be allright, but I doubt that you would believe me and I think saying that would only hurt you wether your fufill your goal or not.

What I can tell you is this: even if you fail, you are worthy because you never gave up, for years and years, until this moment. You gave everything you were and I'm so proud of you.

Whatever happens, remember this: you are a great person, you are amazing, you did it even when you felt the world was crushing you and life was shocking you each second of each day and you lacked the love of your mother. That's so incredible I can barely put it into words.

And you can survive. You will survive. No matter what, you will survive and continue to move forward, to create your own life. To live and to find peace and happiness.

You can do it.

I know you can.

No matter what.

[iamspecial]

thank you for your sweet response to this thread. Sorry it's taken me so long to read it and reply. Your words touched me and it's really kind of you to say.

[MickeyCheeky]

How are you doing, iamspecial? Please don't give up. You can do this! Feel free to PM me anytime. Merry Christmas! Sending many hugs to you

[iamspecial]

i dont feel special and feel this is the wrong username for me but I thought that a while ago. I'm recovering from surgery at the moment so don't feel that great right now but I'll be ok. Christmas is a hard day for me. I lost my dad not that long ago (just over a year) so I'm feeling it today with missing him. How are you? I didn't give up, I graduated and now work with children aged 3 to 4. Thank you for saying I can PM anytime. Merry Christmas too!! Thank you for the hugs sending loads of hugs back