Hello,
I have been readind an article on the net about what it really means to enjoy life: that is find something that makes you happy and do lots of it. However, I am in a dilemma... I really want to have kids and a man and a house.. well, a family. But I am single and I have no prospects whatsoever and I am already 34 years old. I have been dreaming about this since a few years now, but I seem to be quite unlucky.. I cannot attract a good man that I would love and who would love me. So what i really love and really want (the purpose of my life)- well I dont have it and I dont even know if I will ever have it!
I feel frustration that overwhelmes me all the time.. I feel the emptiness of my life. I dont like anything else really... I really think that I would find purpose in a family!! I dont know how to deal with my frustration??
I wait and I wait and time goes by and more and more I tell myself that I will never meet a man for myself. It is frustrating and depressing and I feel life in unfair to me!! How can I deal with my frustration?
I read books about coping with emotions.. they say you have to stay "present" to your emotion.. "live through" it.. yeah I guess that's right, but even if I live through it.. it doesnt go away... I need to tend to my anger 24h in order to feel good.. I can never relax.. I feel overwhelmed with frustration. I need to control it all the time. Sometimes it is hard because I dont have the energy all the time to control my frustration.

Sometimes when we become too fixated on what we believe is our purpose and it's not happening, that can cause deep unrest and dissatisfaction, like you're experiencing.

What if you expanded your purpose to include other things you may want and also enjoy? For instance: do you want a job/career that makes you happy? Do you want interesting hobbies and/or friends? Do you want to travel at all? Can you envision yourself owning your own home even if a man doesn't come into the picture?

There are many things in life that can fulfill us aside from a husband and children, though I do understand your desires... that is the desire of many many women.

But perhaps if you concentrate on just being happy in general and filling your life with ALL the things you enjoy, and expand your vision and dreams to include other reasons for living and being here (ie, your purpose in life), then perhaps the frustration of not having . a man and/or a family right now will subside a little.

I think it's erroneous to make one's whole purpose in life a man and a family... it's far too limiting and if it doesn't happen, then what? It only leads to disappointment and disillusionment. Expand your horizons! That's my two cents. (((Hugs))))

Originally Posted by golden_eve

Sometimes when we become too fixated on what we believe is our purpose and it's not happening, that can cause deep unrest and dissatisfaction, like you're experiencing.

What if you expanded your purpose to include other things you may want and also enjoy? For instance: do you want a job/career that makes you happy? Do you want interesting hobbies and/or friends? Do you want to travel at all? Can you envision yourself owning your own home even if a man doesn't come into the picture?

There are many things in life that can fulfill us aside from a husband and children, though I do understand your desires... that is the desire of many many women.

But perhaps if you concentrate on just being happy in general and filling your life with ALL the things you enjoy, and expand your vision and dreams to include other reasons for living and being here (ie, your purpose in life), then perhaps the frustration of not having . a man and/or a family right now will subside a little.

I think it's erroneous to make one's whole purpose in life a man and a family... it's far too limiting and if it doesn't happen, then what? It only leads to disappointment and disillusionment. Expand your horizons! That's my two cents. (((Hugs))))

I like serving others.. i give blood every 2 months and i do a lot of volunteering. I used to work as a legal secretary but i was mistreated and discarded and its a stressful and unrewarding job so I dont want to do it anymore. I work from home and i cant say i am really satisfied. And my friends they all have kids so they dont have time for me.
So i find my purpose in serving others like giving blood and volunteering!

Lately I have been reflecting quite a bit on how it seems as though the one thing I want most in life keeps eluding me... and then I feel ungrateful that I keep grieving over what clearly will never be... and I lose sight of the many wonderful blessings in my life right now. No, my life is not at all what I had imagined 20 years ago it would be... and yet the wonderful thing is... my life is not at all what I imagined 20 years ago it would be... there are many things in my life that I never thought I would be blessed to have and experience. And yes, there are some things I will always quietly grieve that I have lost or never will have. I think this is ultimately the nature of life... it’s full of mixed blessings and it’s not easy. Hopefully you find some peace... and keep an open mind and an open heart. ❤️

Originally Posted by Sisabel

Lately I have been reflecting quite a bit on how it seems as though the one thing I want most in life keeps eluding me... and then I feel ungrateful that I keep grieving over what clearly will never be... and I lose sight of the many wonderful blessings in my life right now. No, my life is not at all what I had imagined 20 years ago it would be... and yet the wonderful thing is... my life is not at all what I imagined 20 years ago it would be... there are many things in my life that I never thought I would be blessed to have and experience. And yes, there are some things I will always quietly grieve that I have lost or never will have. I think this is ultimately the nature of life... it’s full of mixed blessings and it’s not easy. Hopefully you find some peace... and keep an open mind and an open heart. ❤️

What do you mean? You think it is impossible to attract a man you would love?

I wish I knew the meaning of life.

my issue is that I don't want anything from life- and even if I did, I don't know what it is.

I'm certainly not happy in my current state, but litirally have no idea what I need/ want to be happy

sometimes I wonder if I was never meant to be here

like I was a mistake

when people ask me (which they do all the time) where do you want to be in a year from now?

my answer is always not here

and I know that's not a healthy response. I know that

but it's the truth

[MickeyCheeky]

I understand how you feel, emma345 I agree with golden_eve about this. I'd suggest to focus on yourself first before going into a relationship. I know it's not easy, but I believe that's the best thing to do and besides, you may attract more men that way. Try to find some hobbies for yourself. What do you like to do in your free time? I'd focus on that. Try to take care of yourself. I feel like that's very important. Volunteering is already a great thing! You could meet some new people that way. What about books? Movies? Anything that may peak your interest. Feel free to PM me anytime. Let me know if I can do something to help you. Wish you good luck! Let us know how it goes. Sending many hugs to you

Originally Posted by emma345

What do you mean? You think it is impossible to attract a man you would love?

Not at all. Just speaking from my own perspective.

[sarahsweets]

I am sorry that you are feeling this way emma. Do you think its possible that you are focusing too much on wanting a man to the point that it makes everything bleak?

[AspiringAuthor]

I want to say how much your volunteering work and giving blood every two months are valuable, and suggest you also volunteer in positions that involve children, such as tutoring help via the public library - this way you would start fulfilling your purpose of mattering in a child's life right away.
I think you need to distract yourself and get busy doing things that matter a lot and then it will be easier to attract the right man, possibly via online dating. You are probably wearing the mask of frustration and disappointment on your face daily and that pushes men who otherwise would be prospects far, far away.

[healingme4me]

Originally Posted by emma345

What do you mean? You think it is impossible to attract a man you would love?

Not for nothing, but that's what you took from Sisabel's post?

Maybe it's about changing the direction of your focus? Plenty of women in their early 40s are having babies. So, at 34 give yourself some kindness and be gentle on this pressure.

There are steps that you can take now without waiting around on mr knight in shining armor to wisk you away(my term not yours). Family and House can be done without needing a man in 2019.

[Ylba]

What are you doing to try to find a man?
If you are religious, have you prayed about it.

Also, think positively. Try not to think negative thoughts like I'll never find a man. I believe that we speak things into existence. If you put the belief in your head that you won't find a man, you may subconsciously begin to do things to make it true.

[Ylba]

Originally Posted by raging vortex

when people ask me (which they do all the time) where do you want to be in a year from now?


my answer is always not here


and I know that's not a healthy response. I know that


but it's the truth

I can relate. I feel that way too. Like I'm just stuck here waiting for life to be over.

[Iloivar]

What is it about finding a man and having a family that makes you desire it so much? Why is that "the purpose" for you?

Originally Posted by emma345

I like serving others.. i give blood every 2 months and i do a lot of volunteering. I used to work as a legal secretary but i was mistreated and discarded and its a stressful and unrewarding job so I dont want to do it anymore. I work from home and i cant say i am really satisfied. And my friends they all have kids so they dont have time for me.
So i find my purpose in serving others like giving blood and volunteering!

That's awesome! So you can expand your purpose to include serving others and giving of yourself to society. If you don't like your job, have you thought about making a change?