FAQ/Help |
Calendar |
Search |
Magnate
Member Since Apr 2016
Location: Somewhere in South America
Posts: 2,220
8 1,040 hugs
given |
#1
I have been going through a trying time lately. My husband and I have been stuck in a substandard living situation with a landlord who is elderly and doesn’t think she needs to maintain the property. Our city has a housing shortage and rents have shot up while landlords are making increasing demands on anyone applying to rent, so moving wasn’t really an option.
Then, the worst neighbors moved in next door 6 months ago. It’s a duplex, so we share a wall. They are rude and look to cause conflict. They have seven cats that fight constantly, start fights with neighbors over parking spots (we now park several blocks away to avoid problems) and the husband is running an illegal furniture workshop, using power tools all day. Some issues could be brought up with municipal authorities, but these people are seriously scary and the rest of us on the street fear retaliation. I work from home, so the noise from the sawing and catfights is bothers me all day. I am the type of person who hates loud noise, so it has me on edge constantly. Now they started tearing up the street one block from me with heavy equipment, so the noise is even worse. All of that is in addition to the issues with my mom and work that I have posted about, which have been very stressful. I feel like I am at my breaking point a lot of the time. On a positive note, we finally were able to buy a house. However, we will not likely be moved in for over a month. I am trying to focus on the positive part, but it is hard when every day is a struggle. While the end result of moving will be positive, moving is going to be a lot of work and stress too. We need to have work done on the place before we can move, and we don’t get the keys until February 5th. So, I am looking at a month and a half or so of this noise, chaos, etc. until I can hopefully be settled in and get a break. I seem to have run out of coping skills with all this. Emotionally, I am running on fumes, I’d say. The next month and a half seems like an eternity. What do others do when you feel stretched to your limit of coping with stress and chaos? Therapy isn’t really an option for me right now. Last edited by rechu; Jan 17, 2019 at 08:48 AM.. Reason: Line spacing |
Reply With Quote |
Anonymous45521, HowDoYouFeelMeow?, MickeyCheeky, seesaw
|
Threadtastic Postaholic
Member Since Dec 2018
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 6,006
(SuperPoster!)
5 192 hugs
given |
#2
Quote:
Quote:
Quote:
Quote:
I wish I had the answer for coping with stress better. I use the ear plugs for noise that grates on me. i try deep breathing and it does work if I really practice it. its not so much about calming down but the actual oxygen you flood your body with by deep breathing is what helps those gaba receptors kick in a do their job. Some days are better than others for me. __________________ "I carried a watermelon?" President of the no F's given society. |
||||
Reply With Quote |
MickeyCheeky
|
MickeyCheeky, rechu
|
Magnate
Member Since Apr 2016
Location: Somewhere in South America
Posts: 2,220
8 1,040 hugs
given |
#3
Thanks for your thoughts, Sarah.
As far as the landlord, here you'd have to sue in civil court to get her to do the maintenance, and she's in her 90s. She probably would not even be considered to be competent for a trial, and it could drag out forever, which is why we didn't do this. My husband is a civil lawyer, so she knows how these things work. The furniture making is illegal. To run a business like that, you'd need to have a municipal permit and they don't give a permit for a business like that in a residential area. The municipality has a specific industrial area zoned for these things. There are noise ordinances that he is likely violating too. The thing is about calling the police is that they aren't going to be here all the time to protect me. The guy got in my face and threatened and yelled at me for politely asking him to move out of the parking space that we have used for years. He's done similar things to others. Honestly, my fear is retaliation for reporting them to the police, municipal inspectors, etc. I have dogs and have a genuine concern that if he thinks we reported him that he could toss some poisoned meat over the fence. My neighbor friends on the other side feel the same way. He ran over one of their bikes the other day and just left it there, didn't apologize, offer to repair it, nothing. But, because of their dogs, they don't want to confront him. The police can't bring back our dead pets if it came to that. I should try some breathing. Good idea. I need to get back into my yoga. Typical earplugs bother my ears because my ears are very small, but maybe I can see if there is a kid-size available or something for when it gets to be too much. |
Reply With Quote |
MickeyCheeky, sarahsweets
|
MickeyCheeky, sarahsweets
|
Legendary
Member Since Jun 2016
Location: Italy
Posts: 11,817
(SuperPoster!)
7 38.4k hugs
given |
#4
I'm so sorry, rechu Try to hang on a little longer. Things are going to get better soon. Keep your eyes and your mind on the end goal. Hopefully, everything will go well and it will be worth it. I hope writing here can help a bit to relieve the stress. Let me know if you want to talk or if I can help. Feel free to PM me anytime. I agree that yoga could be a good idea. You can do this! Please don't give up. Wish you good luck! Let us know how it goes. Sending many hugs to you
|
Reply With Quote |
rechu
|
Magnate
Member Since Apr 2016
Location: Somewhere in South America
Posts: 2,220
8 1,040 hugs
given |
#5
Ugh, just made a stupid work mistake.
The guy next door has been banging on the shared wall and doing a lot of other stuff to be loud today. It feels like an earthquake between that and the road work. Even putting on headphones didn't help much and I need to make phone calls, which is tough. So, I am not fully concentrating and let something that needed to be done today slip. I feel so stupid and my boss is not thrilled, exactly what I didn't need. I think as soon as we have a clear move date I will buy a huge calendar and mark off every fewer day of living in this hell with a big X! My husband is wondering if the owner is even going to bother fixing up the place when we move. She may think since the rental market is so tight, someone will rent it anyways. Maybe furniture guy could move over here and fix the place up. He has the tools. I feel for whatever poor soul has to live here next because it's their only option. |
Reply With Quote |
MickeyCheeky
|
Legendary
Member Since Jun 2016
Location: Italy
Posts: 11,817
(SuperPoster!)
7 38.4k hugs
given |
#6
Don't be so hard on yourself, rechu. It's normal you'd feel stressed given the current situation. Don't worry, this is going to end sooner or later: just try to hang on and the best you can. You can do this! Keep writing here if it helps. Sending many hugs to you
|
Reply With Quote |
Magnate
Member Since Apr 2016
Location: Somewhere in South America
Posts: 2,220
8 1,040 hugs
given |
#7
Well, the work thing ended up okay, I got a very quick response to an e-mail I had sent, which saved my butt. I was lucky, people often don’t respond to e-mails. Phew!
We got the keysto the new place earlier this week. We have plans to go out there this weekend to measure for the curtains, buy them and install them. We’ll also bring some boxes of stuff like winter clothes and kitchen stuff we don’t use on a daily basis. We’ve been asking around but haven’t found a handyman yet. We are thinking of asking around the neighborhood when we are there this weekend. The houses are new and all need certain work done, so asking for someone who had done that work at another house seems like the best solution. The guys doing the road repair broke a water main yesterday and left us without water for about 5 hours. Then it came out all dirty and smelly. Fortunately, it was better by this morning. Both my husband and I figured that something like that could happen! |
Reply With Quote |
MickeyCheeky
|
healingme4me, MickeyCheeky
|
Legendary
Member Since Jun 2016
Location: Italy
Posts: 11,817
(SuperPoster!)
7 38.4k hugs
given |
#8
I hope things are going ok, rechu. It sounds like you're very close to moving right now. Try to hang on a little longer. I'm sure it will be worth it in the end. Wish you good luck! Let us know how it goes. Sending many hugs to you
|
Reply With Quote |
Junior Member
Member Since Jan 2019
Location: Ohio
Posts: 10
5 |
#9
Quote:
|
|
Reply With Quote |
MickeyCheeky
|
MickeyCheeky
|
Grand Member
Member Since Sep 2014
Location: USA
Posts: 750
9 893 hugs
given |
#10
I’m so sorry. That sounds like a horrible environment for you, the neighbors, and the cats.
__________________ "I think I'm a hypochondriac. I sure hope so, otherwise I'm just about to die." PTSD OCD Anxiety Major Depressive Disorder (Severe & Recurrent) |
Reply With Quote |
MickeyCheeky
|
MickeyCheeky
|
Human
Member Since Apr 2014
Location: Home
Posts: 8,345
(SuperPoster!)
10 1,262 hugs
given |
#11
Glad you are moving to the new place soon, rechu!
__________________ What if I fall? Oh, my dear, but what if you fly? Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia. Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less... |
Reply With Quote |
Magnate
Member Since Apr 2016
Location: Somewhere in South America
Posts: 2,220
8 1,040 hugs
given |
#12
Thanks everyone for your support. Things have been moving forward with the move. We will give notice to the evil landlord soon so that March will be the last month we pay rent.
We’ve been bringing stuff to the house over the past few weekends and buying stuff we need for it. We installed all the curtains on the first floor. On March 5th, my husband starts a staycation where he will stay at the new place and do some of the work himself and also hire/supervise someone to do the more complicated things. We decided to order a lot of the furniture new. We have a giftcard (US$3000 approximately) for a home improvement store and department store that the builder gave us, so that should help a lot. So, he can also be there to receive/assemble the furniture and set up internet service, etc. It sounds like we will be settled in by the end of March. |
Reply With Quote |
guilloche, seesaw
|
Magnate
Member Since Jun 2014
Location: US
Posts: 2,734
9 2,704 hugs
given |
#13
Hi Rechu!
I'm not in this sub-forum often, and didn't see your post here (but I remember you posting about the new house in the Social forum, when I was complaining about my neighbors - thanks again!) Just wanted to say - yay! It's March! You're almost there! I'm excited for you! That's awesome that your husband is going to be able to get everything set up at the new place - so it should basically be "move-in ready" for you, right? Anyway - hang in there! And congrats again on the new house! |
Reply With Quote |
Guest
Posts: n/a
|
#14
Quote:
It sounds like you have done a good job hanging in there. Just a few short weeks to go. It will go by fast and soon you will be so much more happier and relaxed. I think it’s best you didn’t report those neighbors or call the police. That could have escalated things when what you want is to just make a smooth exit. Best of luck to you and keep us updated. |
|
Reply With Quote |
Magnate
Member Since Apr 2016
Location: Somewhere in South America
Posts: 2,220
8 1,040 hugs
given |
#15
Thanks Guilloche and Sisabel.
I agree Sisabel. Reporting those creeps had the potential to cause more trouble than it was worth. Only we and our neighbor friends (whose bike was hit) share a wall with them. We share a wall in the yard between the houses and a wall of the house, they share a wall in the yard. So, they probably would have assumed it was either us or them and retaliated. For some reason a friend (who doesn’t live here) became over-invested in convincing me to report them. I don’t quite get why, she kept saying I owed it to the other neighbors. If the other neighbors want to file complaints with the police or municipal authorities, they are free to. It makes no sense for me to when I am moving soon. I can just imagine being cited to come make a declaration months later, when I am not even living here. Another big step towards moving: we sent a certified letter to the owner on Saturday giving 30 days’ notice that we are leaving. I don’t think she is going to take it well, sadly. At her age she is not going to want to fix up the place and find a new tenant. I can imagine her coming over and telling me we are putting her in a tough situation, but it’s not like that’s going to change our minds. The house is bought; there’s no going back. These steps like giving notice are helping my mood. Tomorrow is our wedding anniversary and we are both off work. We are going to go furniture shopping for the new place. We got a giftcard for about US$3000 from the builder for several different stores including a home improvement chain and a department store chain, so we decided to get mostly new things - new place, new things, new vibes. The 6th he starts staying at the new place. And yeah, nice for me, it should be almost move-in ready. |
Reply With Quote |
Magnate
Member Since Jun 2014
Location: US
Posts: 2,734
9 2,704 hugs
given |
#16
Just thinking about you Rechu, and hoping everything with the move (and the move-out process!) is going smoothly. Shopping for new stuff sounds fun, hope you guys found some awesome new pieces for the new home!
|
Reply With Quote |
Magnate
Member Since Apr 2016
Location: Somewhere in South America
Posts: 2,220
8 1,040 hugs
given |
#17
Thanks for the good thoughts guilloche. The work my husband wanted to do hasn’t advanced as far as we hoped because one of our dogs got sick. Yesterday he ordered the rest of the stuff he needs for the patio and did a lot of cleaning out old papers. We both did, actually.
This morning he headed out early to receive the materials we ordered and restart the work. We have a number for a local person to do the gas hookups and the roof of the laundry room, so he is going to call him today. He’ll stay overnight and then come back here tomorrow afternoon since we have to take the dog back to the vet for a check-up. We got very lucky over the weekend. Heading to the grocery store, we noticed that there was a lot of old furniture out on the sidewalk and realized that it was one of these days the municipal government holds where you can drag out stuff you don’t want and they will cart it away for free. Usually they charge. So, we quickly went back home and dragged out a bunch of stuff we don’t want to bring with us. I had been checking their website to see if one of those days was scheduled, but hadn’t seen anything. We ordered the bed/nightstands yesterday and they will be delivered on Friday. We already have office furniture, a minibar and futon set up at the new place. The builder gave us a gift certificate for several stores including a home improvement store and department store, so we have been making good use of that to furnish the new place. So far, we’ve only used about 35% of the amount, so we should be able to buy a new refrigerator and washer as well. The letter to the landlord saying we are leaving was received. So far, not a peep out of her, which is surprising. Even the woman who helps her out, who is quite a gossip, hasn’t said anything. I had expected her to mention it. She lives right across the street and has to have seen us loading stuff into the car even if the landlord didn’t mention it. |
Reply With Quote |
Reply |
|