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Old 01-17-2019, 07:46 AM #1
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Default Surviving the next month and a half

I have been going through a trying time lately. My husband and I have been stuck in a substandard living situation with a landlord who is elderly and doesnít think she needs to maintain the property. Our city has a housing shortage and rents have shot up while landlords are making increasing demands on anyone applying to rent, so moving wasnít really an option.

Then, the worst neighbors moved in next door 6 months ago. Itís a duplex, so we share a wall. They are rude and look to cause conflict. They have seven cats that fight constantly, start fights with neighbors over parking spots (we now park several blocks away to avoid problems) and the husband is running an illegal furniture workshop, using power tools all day. Some issues could be brought up with municipal authorities, but these people are seriously scary and the rest of us on the street fear retaliation.

I work from home, so the noise from the sawing and catfights is bothers me all day. I am the type of person who hates loud noise, so it has me on edge constantly. Now they started tearing up the street one block from me with heavy equipment, so the noise is even worse.

All of that is in addition to the issues with my mom and work that I have posted about, which have been very stressful. I feel like I am at my breaking point a lot of the time.

On a positive note, we finally were able to buy a house. However, we will not likely be moved in for over a month.

I am trying to focus on the positive part, but it is hard when every day is a struggle. While the end result of moving will be positive, moving is going to be a lot of work and stress too. We need to have work done on the place before we can move, and we donít get the keys until February 5th. So, I am looking at a month and a half or so of this noise, chaos, etc. until I can hopefully be settled in and get a break.

I seem to have run out of coping skills with all this. Emotionally, I am running on fumes, Iíd say. The next month and a half seems like an eternity. What do others do when you feel stretched to your limit of coping with stress and chaos? Therapy isnít really an option for me right now.

Last edited by rechu; 01-17-2019 at 07:48 AM. Reason: Line spacing
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Old 01-17-2019, 08:00 AM #2
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Default Re: Surviving the next month and a half

Quote:
Originally Posted by rechu View Post
I have been going through a trying time lately. My husband and I have been stuck in a substandard living situation with a landlord who is elderly and doesnít think she needs to maintain the property. Our city has a housing shortage and rents have shot up while landlords are making increasing demands on anyone applying to rent, so moving wasnít really an option.
If your interested in making a difference you could report them to whatever department oversees housing and landlord issues.
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Then, the worst neighbors moved in next door 6 months ago. Itís a duplex, so we share a wall. They are rude and look to cause conflict. They have seven cats that fight constantly, start fights with neighbors over parking spots (we now park several blocks away to avoid problems) and the husband is running an illegal furniture workshop, using power tools all day. Some issues could be brought up with municipal authorities, but these people are seriously scary and the rest of us on the street fear retaliation.
Have you considered the police? if they are that scary you need to protect yourself. Let me tell you.. I get it about the noise. I have neighbors that decide to do yardwork at 8pm firing up the leaf blower and I hate the sound. My other neighbors were putting on an addition and the husband works so I get to hear power tools all evening long. unfortunately if they arent violating a noise ordinance then its just an annoying thing you have to put up with. Sometimes I wear ear plugs. And in perspective people have the right to build and do yard work whenever they want as long as its done by 10pm. And my husband has to do yard work too so I try to practice tolerance but its not easy.



Quote:
I work from home, so the noise from the sawing and catfights is bothers me all day. I am the type of person who hates loud noise, so it has me on edge constantly. Now they started tearing up the street one block from me with heavy equipment, so the noise is even worse.
Road work sucks. Here they can start at 7 and even though I am up everyday at 4 it still annoys me.

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I am trying to focus on the positive part, but it is hard when every day is a struggle. While the end result of moving will be positive, moving is going to be a lot of work and stress too. We need to have work done on the place before we can move, and we donít get the keys until February 5th. So, I am looking at a month and a half or so of this noise, chaos, etc. until I can hopefully be settled in and get a break.
yes focus on the positive. 6 weeks can be done. Just keep the end goal in sight.

I wish I had the answer for coping with stress better. I use the ear plugs for noise that grates on me. i try deep breathing and it does work if I really practice it. its not so much about calming down but the actual oxygen you flood your body with by deep breathing is what helps those gaba receptors kick in a do their job. Some days are better than others for me.
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Old 01-17-2019, 08:19 AM #3
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Default Re: Surviving the next month and a half

Thanks for your thoughts, Sarah.


As far as the landlord, here you'd have to sue in civil court to get her to do the maintenance, and she's in her 90s. She probably would not even be considered to be competent for a trial, and it could drag out forever, which is why we didn't do this. My husband is a civil lawyer, so she knows how these things work.



The furniture making is illegal. To run a business like that, you'd need to have a municipal permit and they don't give a permit for a business like that in a residential area. The municipality has a specific industrial area zoned for these things. There are noise ordinances that he is likely violating too.


The thing is about calling the police is that they aren't going to be here all the time to protect me. The guy got in my face and threatened and yelled at me for politely asking him to move out of the parking space that we have used for years. He's done similar things to others.



Honestly, my fear is retaliation for reporting them to the police, municipal inspectors, etc. I have dogs and have a genuine concern that if he thinks we reported him that he could toss some poisoned meat over the fence. My neighbor friends on the other side feel the same way. He ran over one of their bikes the other day and just left it there, didn't apologize, offer to repair it, nothing. But, because of their dogs, they don't want to confront him. The police can't bring back our dead pets if it came to that.



I should try some breathing. Good idea. I need to get back into my yoga. Typical earplugs bother my ears because my ears are very small, but maybe I can see if there is a kid-size available or something for when it gets to be too much.
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Old 01-17-2019, 09:15 AM #4
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Default Re: Surviving the next month and a half

I'm so sorry, rechu Try to hang on a little longer. Things are going to get better soon. Keep your eyes and your mind on the end goal. Hopefully, everything will go well and it will be worth it. I hope writing here can help a bit to relieve the stress. Let me know if you want to talk or if I can help. Feel free to PM me anytime. I agree that yoga could be a good idea. You can do this! Please don't give up. Wish you good luck! Let us know how it goes. Sending many hugs to you
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Old 01-17-2019, 01:29 PM #5
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Default Re: Surviving the next month and a half

Ugh, just made a stupid work mistake.


The guy next door has been banging on the shared wall and doing a lot of other stuff to be loud today. It feels like an earthquake between that and the road work. Even putting on headphones didn't help much and I need to make phone calls, which is tough.


So, I am not fully concentrating and let something that needed to be done today slip. I feel so stupid and my boss is not thrilled, exactly what I didn't need.


I think as soon as we have a clear move date I will buy a huge calendar and mark off every fewer day of living in this hell with a big X!


My husband is wondering if the owner is even going to bother fixing up the place when we move. She may think since the rental market is so tight, someone will rent it anyways. Maybe furniture guy could move over here and fix the place up. He has the tools. I feel for whatever poor soul has to live here next because it's their only option.
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Old 01-17-2019, 02:02 PM #6
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Default Re: Surviving the next month and a half

Don't be so hard on yourself, rechu. It's normal you'd feel stressed given the current situation. Don't worry, this is going to end sooner or later: just try to hang on and the best you can. You can do this! Keep writing here if it helps. Sending many hugs to you
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Old 02-08-2019, 08:53 AM #7
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Default Re: Surviving the next month and a half

Well, the work thing ended up okay, I got a very quick response to an e-mail I had sent, which saved my butt. I was lucky, people often donít respond to e-mails. Phew!

We got the keysto the new place earlier this week. We have plans to go out there this weekend to measure for the curtains, buy them and install them. Weíll also bring some boxes of stuff like winter clothes and kitchen stuff we donít use on a daily basis.

Weíve been asking around but havenít found a handyman yet. We are thinking of asking around the neighborhood when we are there this weekend. The houses are new and all need certain work done, so asking for someone who had done that work at another house seems like the best solution.

The guys doing the road repair broke a water main yesterday and left us without water for about 5 hours. Then it came out all dirty and smelly. Fortunately, it was better by this morning. Both my husband and I figured that something like that could happen!
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Old 02-08-2019, 12:18 PM #8
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Default Re: Surviving the next month and a half

I hope things are going ok, rechu. It sounds like you're very close to moving right now. Try to hang on a little longer. I'm sure it will be worth it in the end. Wish you good luck! Let us know how it goes. Sending many hugs to you
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Old 02-13-2019, 09:55 PM #9
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Default Re: Surviving the next month and a half

Quote:
Originally Posted by rechu View Post
I have been going through a trying time lately. My husband and I have been stuck in a substandard living situation with a landlord who is elderly and doesnít think she needs to maintain the property. Our city has a housing shortage and rents have shot up while landlords are making increasing demands on anyone applying to rent, so moving wasnít really an option.

Then, the worst neighbors moved in next door 6 months ago. Itís a duplex, so we share a wall. They are rude and look to cause conflict. They have seven cats that fight constantly, start fights with neighbors over parking spots (we now park several blocks away to avoid problems) and the husband is running an illegal furniture workshop, using power tools all day. Some issues could be brought up with municipal authorities, but these people are seriously scary and the rest of us on the street fear retaliation.

I work from home, so the noise from the sawing and catfights is bothers me all day. I am the type of person who hates loud noise, so it has me on edge constantly. Now they started tearing up the street one block from me with heavy equipment, so the noise is even worse.

All of that is in addition to the issues with my mom and work that I have posted about, which have been very stressful. I feel like I am at my breaking point a lot of the time.

On a positive note, we finally were able to buy a house. However, we will not likely be moved in for over a month.

I am trying to focus on the positive part, but it is hard when every day is a struggle. While the end result of moving will be positive, moving is going to be a lot of work and stress too. We need to have work done on the place before we can move, and we donít get the keys until February 5th. So, I am looking at a month and a half or so of this noise, chaos, etc. until I can hopefully be settled in and get a break.

I seem to have run out of coping skills with all this. Emotionally, I am running on fumes, Iíd say. The next month and a half seems like an eternity. What do others do when you feel stretched to your limit of coping with stress and chaos? Therapy isnít really an option for me right now.
Personally, I always reach out to my family/friends or distract myself with internet videos and video games. The latter probably aren't healthy but make the time go quickly for me. I hope the time goes quickly for you and you are able to escape your current situations soon!
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Old 02-13-2019, 10:12 PM #10
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Default Re: Surviving the next month and a half

Iím so sorry. That sounds like a horrible environment for you, the neighbors, and the cats.
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