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Poohbah
Member Since Nov 2017
Location: Europe
Posts: 1,417
6 1,603 hugs
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#1
Until now, I've been working on 75% time. Now I got an opportunity to work full time. It will be combined from two places of work. The new work is better, I can use my skills, gain more respect, self confidence and it's something I plan doing long term.
However the problem is working is very triggering to me. I actually got PTSD symptoms activated from my first full time job after uni. It was extremely stressful, I was bullied and worked 12-14 hours a day, as well as had to attend training during the weekends. I had nightmares, extreme anxiety and depression. I don't know how I survived. If I stayed just a month longer I would have ended up in mental hospital. Work has activated my trauma from childhood because I used to be bullied as a kid, too and than I got the same at work. Now I realise I should be happy about working 8hrs a day, and it's a work I enjoy. However on a purely physical level, my nervous system is panicking and recognizing work as a trauma trigger. Yesterday I got a true panic attack when I realized I'm going to work more hours. I had to ground, do breathing exercises and splash myself with cold water. I was shaking and my face got red. I had an ugly nightmare about a snake at night. I rationally know I'm being ridiculous and it looks like I'm spoiled and lazy. Many people work much more and have families to care about... I should be happy and content and feeling this anxiety makes me ashamed of myself. I haven't even started my new work yet and I'm already scared of collapsing in advance. __________________ Complex trauma Highly sensitive person I love nature, simplicity and minimalism |
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Anonymous50384, hvert, MickeyCheeky
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MickeyCheeky
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Jan 2014
Location: US
Posts: 4,887
10 3,785 hugs
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#2
Congrats on the new opportunity! When do you start? I think the anticipation is worse than what will happen when you go from 75% to full time, so hopefully you'll be able to get that part over with soon . It's natural for there to be an adjustment period for something like that.
Are you already working with one or both of these workplaces? |
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MickeyCheeky
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MickeyCheeky, seeker33
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Legendary
Member Since Jun 2016
Location: Italy
Posts: 11,817
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#3
I'm so sorry, seeker33 Try to hang on until you start your work. Maybe you'll feel better by that point. Goon on you for applying all the coping skills you know. Keep doing that. And please, don't feel guilty, it's not your fault this is happening to you. It's clear you're trying your best to deal with it. Just stay safe, do your best, and wait until work begins. Hopefully you'll feel better then. Most importantly, be proud of yourself for this new job! Wish you good luck! Let us know how it goes. Sending many hugs to you
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seeker33
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Magnate
Member Since Apr 2016
Location: Somewhere in South America
Posts: 2,210
8 1,037 hugs
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#4
I think what you are feeling is normal. Change, even when it is for the better, can be scary. It's the fear of the unknown, I think.
Is there any way you could ramp up the hours over a few weeks rather than going directly to full-time right away? I wish you all the best! It will probably be just fine. |
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MickeyCheeky
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MickeyCheeky, seeker33
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Poohbah
Member Since Nov 2017
Location: Europe
Posts: 1,417
6 1,603 hugs
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#5
Thank you everyone! I'll let you know how it goes! Hugs to all of you Hearing your encouraging words is helpful.
__________________ Complex trauma Highly sensitive person I love nature, simplicity and minimalism |
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MickeyCheeky
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MickeyCheeky
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Member
Member Since Jan 2019
Location: Ohio
Posts: 184
5 193 hugs
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#6
Quote:
I always try to say away from the "should be's". These always have a negative connotation for me and do nothing more but put me down and create an even deeper funk then I'm already in... Hope this helps a bit. I wish you the best of luck! __________________ Recovering from the past. Growing in the present. Planting seeds for the future. Dx: Bi-Polar II, PTSD, ADHD, SUD Rx: Methadone 100mg, Lamictal 300mg, Abilify 10mg, Buspar 40mg, Clonadine 0.3mg, Trazodone 50mg, Nexium 20mg, Allegra 180mg |
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MickeyCheeky, seeker33
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MickeyCheeky, seeker33
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