How do you feel about living with a diagnosis?

I don't really think about the diagnoses anymore, they're mostly something something to list on my medical history when necessary, or for insurance purposes when I saw a therapist. I even distance myself from it by saying "the" instead of "my" because it's not my identity. Yet I do remember feeling enormously relieved when PTSD was first included in the DSM, I think around 1980. I was able to learn what it was and gain a better understanding of what was going on and why.

The main issues I have with the diagnoses are in the medical profession. There have been certain instances where I've had to mention the clinical depression, generalized anxiety, PTSD, etc. Almost always, as soon as that's mentioned the tone changes. The doctor says, "maybe the anxiety is causing this", or something along those lines. I have to be very patient in those instances, lol. Even the mental health system can be patronizing and judgy. If you're chronically anxious you're flighty, have PTSD you're ticking time bomb, have anorexia nervosa you're manipulative, that kind of thing. With the exception of a private therapist, there's really nothing out there as far as therapy. I did go through EAGALA (equine assisted) therapy for a while which was great, and I'm thankful my insurance covered it. But mental health still seems to be about medications. I know they do have their place, but they can also be a lazy fallback for doctors. And if you mention the list of all the serious reactions you've had to all the different medications you've been prescribed in the past, you're labeled as being difficult and resistant. No, I see it as necessary and looking out for yourself.

...and what do I get to do with this diagnosis. Nothing. Can't tell anyone as they will walk on egg shells or think I am telling them to get sympathy or using it as an excuse not to get things done. Nope keep it to myself so it really does not matter what I am diagnosed with as long as it does not spill or splash all over other people.

For a long time, I was very angry and I am at certain times. I was handed this death sentence by an irresponsible psychiatrist who threw pills at me to get me out of his office when I broke down crying during my first session. I took them without question and it led to years and years of hospitals, pills and a life of Hell that I never signed up for or ever experienced before.

Now, it's more about just living with the diagnosis and trying to find as much normalcy as I can. There is honestly nothing I can do about it - just try and deal with it as best as I can.

I was diagnosed with ptsd and bpd around 10 years ago. I have never really wanted to accept the bpd part and since then I truly question if I have it.

Some things I fit it but in other ways I don’t and I blocked out the time when I was diagnosed so I don’t really remember how they decided that’s what I have.

As I’m about to start therapy after a 10 year break, I’m hoping I might learn what is really going on and if it still fits me as a diagnosis.

I guess the more I have read and learnt about bpd the less I want it to be true as it seems there’s so much negativity around it.

Thank you for sharing your truth with us Louella. Pretty profile name by the way! I agree that there is a lot of negativity around BPD. Doesn't seem reasonable to stigmatize some mental health problems while de-stigmatizing others. Someone posted an interesting note with their view that depression is a form of personality disorder. I live with depression myself and I found that very interesting. My default is: a person's a person and should be treated accordingly with peace and respect....that includes folks living with BPD or any other mental health problems. One thing I try to model in my own little community is to refrain from labeling other humans as "toxic." I have noticed that the word is getting thrown around a lot in society. It reminds me of "toxic waste" and I think the words we use to describe people have ripple effects. So I never label any human as toxic and when my friends do, I gently ask what they think the implications of that word could be. For example, back in the day it was considered fair game to call a human living with mental retardation a "retard" but over time people realized how damaging that word was. That was a sidebar, sorry! But my point is that people with BPD are still people and so their problem should be spoken about in helpful and respectful ways.

I commend you for taking another swing at therapy after your long break. I hope one of two things happens for you. If you were misdiagnosed with BPD, I hope your new therapist can correct and clarify things for you. Or, if the BPD seems to fit, I hope you can find new ways to think about it....and receive non-judgmental support and care. We ALL have strengths and challenges. People with BPD and people without it....nobody is more than or less than anyone else. And you are not your diagnosis. You are a person. Your diagnosis is simply a way to get treatment billed and reimbursed or to learn more about some of your challenges. You don't have to let it define you.

Peace and hope to you! You deserve it!

All my life I was just busy excelling in school, getting my degree & excelling in my career along with being wife, mother & cleaning up after the financial messes my (now) EX-H made (good thing accounting was one of my majors). Along with that I was practicing my flute & playing in chamber groups. I had no time to think about mental health or mental anything.

Then I hit my early 40's & career fell apart, I didn't even realize how my bad marriage was effecting me.....but major depression hit. I thought it was JUST "burn out". But I kept getting worse, not better while on medical leave of absense from my career. Suicide attempts happened. I was diagnosed with major depression & major anxiety. It got so bad I ended up on permanent disability.

I never thought I was living with a diagnosis but I was so miserable I really didn't want to live at all with or without a diagnosis for 13 years.....NOTHING HELPED.

Top that off my mom died of cancer & the situation she created with having to have a home care person put me into a place that caused trauma to me & her but she wasn't cognative enough to even know what was happening.

I actually left my marriage after my mom died. Moved 2100 miles away to try & start life over. The amazing fact was that I did start my life over & realized in the process that most of what I went through was SITUATIONAL. I still struggled here & there with feelings of depression but I could get through it after giving it a few days to smooth out. Stayed on disability because at my age & with my massive migraines I was still dealing with it would have been hard to work a set job anyway.

Wonderful therapy helped me deal with & understand all I had actually experienced my whole life I had just ignored with my "busy" & all the things that had contributed to the diagnosed mess I had ended up being.

Life is now under control (no meds). My T helpes me deal with the tough things I still go through. The good thing about having experienced & been diagnosed is that NOW I am able to recognize when flares of depression hit.....this has been worse this year after losing my soulmate doggie (Leo) who had been a more wonderful & caring part of my life than my EX-H ever was. I can see & recognize the twinges of depression that keep hitting me. I do try hard to counter it & I do stay active with things I was doing before.....having been diagnosed & actually having gotten basically well has actually helped me recognize when I do go through NORMAL phases of depression & anxiety when other situations come up that normally cause these symptoms.

I hide my diagnosis. If there were compassion out there for mental illness it would be different. I don't like it that my medical record has it recorded. I wince at the pharmacy when the psychotropic is mentioned because they must know or others in earshot may know.

Sorry to hear that Goforward. I hope you feel zero judgment about mental illness here on PC. We are each unique but also have plenty of empathy to share!

As for the pharmacy issue, there is a way around that. I saw that you are in the U.S. so they have to follow HIPPA rules. It's very serious for healthcare providers (at pharmacy or anywhere else) to violate HIPPA. I recommend putting a call through (probably more comfortable for you over the phone than in person) and asking the pharmacist or manager to remind staff not to call out med names. They can simply pick up your Rx bag/bottle and point to the drug name on the label when talking to you or write it down on a piece of paper. There's actually no need for them to say the drug name aloud.

One day I was waiting to be seen by a doctor at urgent care once and could hear the nurses talking about a patient in the waiting room who was HIV+. People get sloppy sometimes with the rules...they need to be reminded that they can't just be talking openly about patient's private health info.

Hope this helps! You have my compassion.