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Old 03-25-2019, 07:31 PM #1
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Default Facing myself

I have been doing a lot of reading and thinking lately. I have been evaluating myself very honestly.



I have realized how much some of the decisions I made and actions I have taken over the years have led to a lot of the sadness in my life. I have made a lot of right decisions and I have done a lot of good things. I have also made very poor decisions and I have done many wrong things.



My heart feels very heavy at the realization of my wrong doings. Yes, awareness has always been there in the back of my mind. I can see how I have avoided really facing it though.



I have not always been a nice person and I have done hurtful and mean things over the years. Sometimes it was unintentional and mindless. Sometimes my behavior was intentionally to hurt someone, even though I wouldn’t admit that to myself at the time.



Rather than sit with my pain and hurt or look at myself to see where I could improve, at times I just lashed out and caused pain and hurt to others in return. Sometimes this has been in small ways and sometimes it was in bigger ways.



I am keenly aware every day now of my own actions. I just don’t like what I am seeing. I spent so many years feeling like a victim or feeling angry. I have realized that feeling this way is understandable but acting out as a result of it is not. I feel sadness and grief over this. I know that some things just can never be undone and I feel regret. I will have to live with that. I want to do better.

Last edited by Sisabel; 03-25-2019 at 09:41 PM.
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Old 03-25-2019, 07:55 PM #2
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Default Re: Facing myself

(((((((((((((((((Honeybunny))))))))))))))))))))))))))) I am sorry to hear of your sadness. I hear what you are saying. Clearly.

Do you think you could get yourself to accept how you behaved? Or to start with accepting how hard of a time you are having with this? If you identify how you feel about something and accept that as your reality, the rest becomes a little easier.

You made mistakes; you know better now. Once you can accept your mistakes, those thoughts will lessen. They might go away completely, and they may not, but they won't be as powerful as they were. I promise you that; once you accept your reality and acknowledge the feelings connected to that, you will begin to feel better. But, healing takes time, and pace yourself carefully.

Am I making sense? Somehow that pattern of behavior got set in place for you. You know better now. You can make better choices. If you don't face and accept how you feel about that, it will continue to nag you to get your attention. They need to be validated.

I have had to face mistakes I have made over the years and doing that was what helped me get through it. It helped me get past those mistakes and to be able to do better.

If you feel like reading, here are so articles for you to consider.

Psych Central - Search results for Accepting feelings


I hope I am helping. xoxoxoxoxoxox
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Old 03-25-2019, 08:29 PM #3
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Default Re: Facing myself

Hello Sisabel,

I read your post with a heavy heart. I wish I could sit with you and give you a safe hug or make you a nice cup of tea or coffee. I greatly admire your courage and candor. It is far from easy to look at our deeper selves, to face our flaws, to acknowledge our mistakes. I have been working on this in my own life. Honestly, I believe that what you are describing is very, very human. We aren't perfect. Not a single one of us. We hurt people sometimes. Sometimes we hurt the people we love the most.

I call it needing to hit the pause button...if only I had hit the pause button instead of making that comment or reacting instead of keeping my peace.

What I recommend is that you try, in any way comfortable to you, to find balance. A balance between self-awareness/monitoring and self-acceptance/appreciation. You mention regret. Regret hurts us so very much...if unchecked, it can scar us and stunt our growth. Regret is not part of the balance I mentioned. Regret, in my perception, is an extreme. Extremes usually aren't helpful. Please don't live your life in regret. You made mistakes and you don't want to repeat them. That truly counts for a great deal.

It will be easier to avoid repeating your mistakes if you are loving and patient toward yourself.

I am so sorry that you are struggling. As strange as this may sound, I want you to know that I have seen some surprising beauty stem from struggles. May it happen for you Sisabel. Peace to you.
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Old 03-25-2019, 09:44 PM #4
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Default Re: Facing myself

Quote:
Originally Posted by HappyCrafter View Post
(((((((((((((((((Honeybunny))))))))))))))))))))))))))) I am sorry to hear of your sadness. I hear what you are saying. Clearly.



Do you think you could get yourself to accept how you behaved? Or to start with accepting how hard of a time you are having with this? If you identify how you feel about something and accept that as your reality, the rest becomes a little easier.



You made mistakes; you know better now. Once you can accept your mistakes, those thoughts will lessen. They might go away completely, and they may not, but they won't be as powerful as they were. I promise you that; once you accept your reality and acknowledge the feelings connected to that, you will begin to feel better. But, healing takes time, and pace yourself carefully.



Am I making sense? Somehow that pattern of behavior got set in place for you. You know better now. You can make better choices. If you don't face and accept how you feel about that, it will continue to nag you to get your attention. They need to be validated.



I have had to face mistakes I have made over the years and doing that was what helped me get through it. It helped me get past those mistakes and to be able to do better.



If you feel like reading, here are so articles for you to consider.



Psych Central - Search results for Accepting feelings





I hope I am helping. xoxoxoxoxoxox


Yes your words are helpful and comforting. You have shared your own grief here over past mistakes and I know your advice is honest and heartfelt. You are right that these things are patterns that get set into motion and they just keep going. I think acceptance will take time. I hope that by seeing these things now will help me not want to repeat them. Thank you so very much. Facing myself
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Old 03-25-2019, 09:50 PM #5
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Default Re: Facing myself

Quote:
Originally Posted by SilverTrees View Post
Hello Sisabel,



I read your post with a heavy heart. I wish I could sit with you and give you a safe hug or make you a nice cup of tea or coffee. I greatly admire your courage and candor. It is far from easy to look at our deeper selves, to face our flaws, to acknowledge our mistakes. I have been working on this in my own life. Honestly, I believe that what you are describing is very, very human. We aren't perfect. Not a single one of us. We hurt people sometimes. Sometimes we hurt the people we love the most.



I call it needing to hit the pause button...if only I had hit the pause button instead of making that comment or reacting instead of keeping my peace.



What I recommend is that you try, in any way comfortable to you, to find balance. A balance between self-awareness/monitoring and self-acceptance/appreciation. You mention regret. Regret hurts us so very much...if unchecked, it can scar us and stunt our growth. Regret is not part of the balance I mentioned. Regret, in my perception, is an extreme. Extremes usually aren't helpful. Please don't live your life in regret. You made mistakes and you don't want to repeat them. That truly counts for a great deal.



It will be easier to avoid repeating your mistakes if you are loving and patient toward yourself.



I am so sorry that you are struggling. As strange as this may sound, I want you to know that I have seen some surprising beauty stem from struggles. May it happen for you Sisabel. Peace to you.


Thank you so much. Your kind and comforting words are like a warm and comforting hug to me. Yes, a pause button is right. You see those regretful moments in slow motion in your mind and wish you could hit “pause” and change it all.

I thought I was always striving for balance but far too often I really have been too much at the extremes with my emotions and behaviors. Regret is a sharp and cutting feeling. It has been following me like a dark cloud lately. I will give careful consideration to how I can strike a balance with this self-awareness. Thank you. Facing myself
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Old 03-25-2019, 10:04 PM #6
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Default Re: Facing myself

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sisabel View Post
Thank you so much. Your kind and comforting words are like a warm and comforting hug to me. Yes, a pause button is right. You see those regretful moments in slow motion in your mind and wish you could hit “pause” and change it all.

I thought I was always striving for balance but far too often I really have been too much at the extremes with my emotions and behaviors. Regret is a sharp and cutting feeling. It has been following me like a dark cloud lately. I will give careful consideration to how I can strike a balance with this self-awareness. Thank you. Facing myself
And while you think things over, please remember that Happy Crafter and I care about you and are wishing you well! I hope that helps the dark cloud to find some shafts of sunshine!!
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Old 03-26-2019, 09:30 AM #7
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You are not alone. That is very important to really hear in all of this. As an alcoholic, I have caused chaos and wreckage in my past. I am still cleaning up the pieces. What has helped me is to be accountable now. I may not have been accountable for the behavior or choices in the past but I can do that now, today. I can say sorry when I hurt someone and admit my human flaws. I am not infallible, and I know that I deserve to be loved and to love myself. My go-to phrase is: "that was then, this is now". Yesterday has passed, today has potential and to do the next right thing. I have made mistakes here with hurting other people and I value so much the opportunity to make it right when I get the chance. I have to work on feeling helpless when I cant. I just try and live my best life each day. I know deep down that I am a good person. Good people dont always make good choices and as long as they make amends they can move forward. Take a moment and breathe deep- all the way to your toes. Life is full of lessons and I dont know a single person that has ever learned from easy lessons. Its always the hard ones that leave the lasting impression.
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Old 03-26-2019, 10:42 AM #8
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Default Re: Facing myself

My POV is before we can change, we first go through the process of grieving our mistakes. Only after facing our grief about those missed opportunities can we begin to change but it happens way too slowly. One baby step forward, three back--it takes a lot of awareness and "tries at bat" to be a little bit more like the kind of person we aspire to be. Then you put together some very good days only to have a "...Terrible, Horrible, No Good Very Bad Day" (remember that book?). Acceptance, acceptance, I try to live and let live but there are days when I don't. Maybe everyone struggles with this but you are just more aware of it now.
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Old 03-26-2019, 11:33 AM #9
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You're only human, Sisabel! We all do some mistakes. That's perfectly normal and it's what makes us human. You're a good person. PLease remember that. You're aware of your floaws and your mistakes and you're doing everything you can to correct those mistakes! That's what matters the most! Please be kind to yourself! You're a strong, wonderful person. We al know that. I hope you'll be able to see yourself as the strong, wonderful person that you truly are! Being aware of ourselves and our flaws and mistakes is the first step towards healing! Be proud of yourself for that! I hope things will get better soon for you. Please be kind to yourself. You absolutely deserve it. Keep working on yourself as much as you can. Remember that you're only human and that mistakes can always happen. There's nothing wrong with thtat! I agree with what all the others have already wisely said to you better than I ever could! You've been given some great, wise advice on this thread by all of them! I'd suggest to follow it if you can and want! Sending many hugs to you, Sisabel! You're awesome! You're strong! You're a warrior! Keep fighting! I believe in you! We all believe in you! We're all rooting for you! Please don't give up! Try to hang on! You're a strong, wonderful person
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Old 03-26-2019, 11:45 AM #10
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Default Re: Facing myself

One important benefit I experience working on accepting what bothers me is my soul heals. As my soul healed more and more, I became happier. I became less stressed out. I became better. Instead of automatically repeating the destructive patterns that dominated me, I could think about what I wanted to do differently. That is a WONDERFUL feeling!! Plus, that topic no longer set me off.

As I kept going, those tiny bits here and there added up. My life improved as my mental health issues healed. As I healed, my true me surfaced. Being the mute, bashful, shy type I am, my me has been getting louder and happier ever since, LOL

Honeybunnies, I know it is painful but once you do your best to validate those feelings, you will feel better. You pace yourself at your speed. No one can tell you how to heal. That is your privilege and job to manage.

As you work through your problems and you see firsthand how much better you feel, you will keep moving forward. Allow yourself the time and space you need. Your pace is unique to you.

Another important thing I have learned from getting through those painful issues is that it puts us in the position to share with others like us how we got through it. Do you know what that does to all involved? We bond and get stronger.

Our souls guide us to get better. As I worked through my mental illness issues, some thoughts baffled me. But when I faced them, I saw they connected to other problem areas in my life.

Our roads to healing will be unique to us, but our stories will impact and connect us to survivors we meet.
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