Help me please,why am I like this?

I have that feeling of being tired and washed out but restless at the same time,others who know mental illness know this feeling state,there is nothing you can do to get rest and peace,your mind is in overdrive but your body is tired.
I started off tired today but didn't want to be home alone with my thoughts and feelings so forced myself to go see a film,Little,it was called , a comedy.I slept through it couldn't keep my eyes open.After that I went and ate at the pub,hung out at the cafe,perked up but was still anxious about being so tired,having chores to do tomorrow and preparations for easter week.Also I was anxious cos I have to have a hysteroscopy on thursday this coming week.But I did perk up and wanted to distract myself from my fearful state so I went and saw another film,Hellboy.Well it got my attention,I stayed awake all through it.It was a daft film,gory but kind of comedic and it made me laugh and lifted my spirits,it changed my frame of mind and I felt less burdened.I got home and had a long test chat with my niece,I needed support but she isn't good at that I ended up unburdening myself but not feeling really supported back,but she does care and love me,I can't expect adult support from her though cos she is only able to support herself at this time,she is getting to grips with becoming 21 years old and working on her last two months at uni before graduation.It is not her place to deal with her auntie's mid life crisis.She put up with my complaints and me feeling low and sorry for myself which is a lot when she has her own worries,that helped a bit though,and she said she was sorry she couldn't do more to help.Thing is I am always on my own and I will always will be unless I change that.I am the one has to make an effort to get to know people and develop more lasting close bonds with them and if I am not willing to put that effort in,compromise,share,emotionally engage,attach,love,lose,hurt invest,risk then I will always be alone and feel that I have an empty life.That has been the case so far and so it will continue until I say yes to someone and stop rejecting potential mates cos I am scared of involvement.Emotionally I can commit or let people in.If anyone knows why please help me.

That's a rather major surgery that you've got coming up this week. No wonder why you're tired and restless all at once.

Thanks healing4me,but I think you saw the word hysteroscopy and mistook it for hysterectomy,which is a major operation and completely different to hysteroscopy.What it is is having a camera inserted into my womb and having a biopsy done.NOT having my whole womb removed.Thanks anyway.

To update today my mood lifted and I feel ok and a bit more positive again.Although I was very tired,I slept a lot during the day today.I managed to get all the chores I needed to get done early evening,so I can rest for the rest of the evening/night.The washing up didn't get done but can wait until tomorrow.I feel very tired again now.I have run out of soya milk and shop won't get delivered until wednesday,I'd love a normal tea or coffee but have to have black coffee or tea with lemon until then.I am happy that my heavy mental and emotional state has dissolved,it was really painful and hard to deal with,I am going to try and stay more positive cos being depressed hurts.I wish I had more control over my moods.I am depressed about the fact that I get depressed.I have been depressed about being so lonely and alone,I want to be close to people and have people who love me and know me and care about me.

Correct, I quickly mistook the hysteroscopy for hysterectomy in reading. A biopsy, though? That's still much to be dealing with emotionally.
Is your niece from your sister or your brother? Are you close to them, as well?
Sure, it would seem nice to have someone special to share these life events with and forgive my cynicism on the topic, but even in marriages and committed relationships there's no guarantee that the support that you need and deserve is going to exist within such a relationship. Maybe I spend too much time in the Relationships forum and my perspective is one that the best relationship we can have is the one with ourselves? Maybe I just haven't met the right one, myself? Maybe my best example has been my grandmother's life during her widow season? She sure knew how to find ways to find the connections that she needed to not feel isolated despite the pangs of the loneliness that being a widow brings.

I hope all goes well with your test results.

Thanks for the different perspective healing4me.I guess I assumed having a spouse or partner means having support but as you rightly point out that's not always the case!My niece is my sister's daughter.
I guess it is up to me to make connections and find ways to ease the loneliness.I kinda promised myself to make the effort to meet new people and make friends and form closer bonds,maybe find someone special.It is no use feeling sorry for myself.I do also have to work on my relationship with myself.

My hysteroscopy is the day after tomorrow,I have had one before so I know what to expect.It is an unpleasant experience but it is only an hour in time so it will soon be over,I shouldn't complain really,it is best to have the problem investigated,rather than bury my head in the sand.