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Old 04-15-2019, 09:24 PM #1
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Trig My friend affected by death threat, me not so much

As the title said. But I feel bad for him. And I also made it worse by antagonizing the dude that has stalked me online for months. He wants me dead. Reason, my friend, which he hates. The hatred is of no proportion and my friend is simply a bit annoying to some, but friendly.

But this guy really can't let this go. We used to be in the same chat together like almost a year ago, both me and friend left because this guy yelled really bad things at us. The stalking of me went on through platforms. But no real threats than today. Happened in a chat, I do have logs and everything.

Comes out he found out our identities and addresses. It's not that far from here where I think he resides.

My friend just turn inwards, like blaming himself for being attacked, and when he does, he falls into a hole like real bad. Tried to communicate but he turned off his phone.

That is when I started feel really bad. I had taken the bad guy on like daring him to visit me etc. I should just kicked him out of chat. But for some reason I wanted to see how far he would go.

I think my friend is disappointed in my actions. Found them unnecessary. I get it. Sort of.

So ended up I had to report the bad guy to the cops. It feels so wrong. Is where I really feel bad. I've seen the Internet as a self contained world where real life has no meaning. The two should not be mixed. I feel like I'm inviting less Internet neutrality and freedom by my action of reporting this guy. We should just have kicked him and dealt.

My friend is not afraid to die, it's not that, but he hates that every time his name is mentioned, someone is mad. Even raging. Even though he just exists. Doesn't do anything. I know what it feels like, awful, but he got an even worse deal than I've got!!! He's a perfectly good guy and someone always hates him. To the point of wanting to kill him and his friend, me, which he claimed backed him up. We basically fight our own battles because we have such different approaches. But just the bad guy knows we're friends (IRL too), sets him off like totally.

I think he's gonna be banned on the forum we all first met, despite this threat happened completely elsewhere. I kind of wonder if that will really set him off. The forum isn't super helpful at identifying him, even if they can, they know people who met him, to give that little detail to the police...

I wish friend would know this guy doesn't represent the norm that always judges us. This bad guy is bat crap crazy and does drugs.

I really, really messed up when it came to my interactions the last month or so. I really caught a case of stupid. Hope it will pass.

To add to injury, I accidentally hurt my friend physically yesterday.
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Old 04-16-2019, 07:21 PM #2
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Default Re: My friend affected by death threat, me not so much

Quote:
Originally Posted by -jimi- View Post
As the title said. But I feel bad for him. And I also made it worse by antagonizing the dude that has stalked me online for months. He wants me dead. Reason, my friend, which he hates. The hatred is of no proportion and my friend is simply a bit annoying to some, but friendly.

But this guy really can't let this go. We used to be in the same chat together like almost a year ago, both me and friend left because this guy yelled really bad things at us. The stalking of me went on through platforms. But no real threats than today. Happened in a chat, I do have logs and everything.

Comes out he found out our identities and addresses. It's not that far from here where I think he resides.

My friend just turn inwards, like blaming himself for being attacked, and when he does, he falls into a hole like real bad. Tried to communicate but he turned off his phone.

That is when I started feel really bad. I had taken the bad guy on like daring him to visit me etc. I should just kicked him out of chat. But for some reason I wanted to see how far he would go.

I think my friend is disappointed in my actions. Found them unnecessary. I get it. Sort of.

So ended up I had to report the bad guy to the cops. It feels so wrong. Is where I really feel bad. I've seen the Internet as a self contained world where real life has no meaning. The two should not be mixed. I feel like I'm inviting less Internet neutrality and freedom by my action of reporting this guy. We should just have kicked him and dealt.

My friend is not afraid to die, it's not that, but he hates that every time his name is mentioned, someone is mad. Even raging. Even though he just exists. Doesn't do anything. I know what it feels like, awful, but he got an even worse deal than I've got!!! He's a perfectly good guy and someone always hates him. To the point of wanting to kill him and his friend, me, which he claimed backed him up. We basically fight our own battles because we have such different approaches. But just the bad guy knows we're friends (IRL too), sets him off like totally.

I think he's gonna be banned on the forum we all first met, despite this threat happened completely elsewhere. I kind of wonder if that will really set him off. The forum isn't super helpful at identifying him, even if they can, they know people who met him, to give that little detail to the police...

I wish friend would know this guy doesn't represent the norm that always judges us. This bad guy is bat crap crazy and does drugs.

I really, really messed up when it came to my interactions the last month or so. I really caught a case of stupid. Hope it will pass.

To add to injury, I accidentally hurt my friend physically yesterday.
I'm sorry that you are struggling right now! I am going through it myself because I am being cyberstalk on YouTube. I went to the police but there is nothing that I can do about it.
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Old 04-17-2019, 02:03 PM #3
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Default Re: My friend affected by death threat, me not so much

Least the police report is completed now with the stalkers name and identity.

Friend got terrified and unlisted from every place that can lead to his address, as the stalker might and might not have it. It hurts me that I caused pain for my friend and he's still suffering.

I've made so many mistakes lately it's ridiculous. I've outed people just forgetting what I'm doing, showed extremely poor judgment, I even outed someone to make a transaction smooth, and she'll feel hurt by me. Daym. My normal thinking is really failing me now. Since weeks. Heck what did I do to my brain?
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Old 04-17-2019, 04:25 PM #4
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Default Re: My friend affected by death threat, me not so much

I'm so sorry you and your friend are hurting so much, -jimi-! I completely agree with what Buffy01 has already wisely said better than I ever could! I'm so sorry you and your friend are going through all of this! You don't deserve to go through all of this AT ALL! Cyberstalking can be VERY dangerous and scary! Please don't be so hard on yourself! Anyone can make mistakes! Yours wasn't so irredeemable and terrible and I'm sure you'll be able to learn from your mistakes! I'm really happy you and your friend are taking ALL the precautions that are necessary to protect yourselves from this person! Please stay as much safe as you can and take GREAT care of yourselves! Try to support your friend as much as you can! I'm sure your friend still loves you very much! Friends are there to accept each other with each and everyone of our own flaws and they are there to help each other and that's exactly what you're BOTH doing in this very difficult moment! I hope things will get better soon for you! We can't please everybody, but it's not our fault if other people hates us, even to the point of wanting to kill you! I'd say that the problem is more with THEM than it is with you! Try to tell that to your friend if you can and want to! I'm sure he'll understand what you mean! Please don't be so hard on yourself and remember that you're doing your best to help out your friend and to get out of this AWFUL, TERRIBLE situation! Remember that we're here for you if you need it! Feel free to PM me anytime! Let me know if I can do something to help you and your friend! Wish you BOTH good luck! Let us know how it goes! I'm so sorry you and your friend have to deal with all of this, -jimi-!
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Old 04-17-2019, 08:24 PM #5
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Default Re: My friend affected by death threat, me not so much

Thanx. There are a lot of strangeness going on in this friendship. He tries to teach me things like forgiveness and de escalating situations. That is so not me, but I guess I should at least consider his advice. Even when I don't drag other people down with me.

I also am so puzzled of what set this hatred off against us, there are actually two people in on this. There is something my friend and I have in common, the surprise how our pure existence can make people want to kill us. I remember junior high, I didn't hurt a fly, but people tried to hurt and even kill me. It took a long while to understand that it can be seen two ways, yes, it's the normal people's instinct to get us flawed out of the gene pool, but I also realized "we" have a lot of contributions and we actually are needed by humankind. A combination is quite hard though. People like us are usually playing a key role in businesses, and despite of that, paid the lowest and treated like junk.

Yea and also, my non violent friend is kind of hard to talk to. I really don't know whom to talk about about wanting to actually hurt these people.

My friend said I'm his friend and even if he was angry I'm still a friend. So not used to that. When people get mad, they usually leave. So a little confused.
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Old 04-17-2019, 09:29 PM #6
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Default Re: My friend affected by death threat, me not so much

Toxic people like to create chaos and then sit back and watch. It gives them a sense of power and they often are individuals who are themselves troubled and insecure. It's always best to not engage them, that's what they want, it gives them their "supply". Yes, they may hang around chats and forums looking for ways to stir up trouble and get a reaction, it's a game to them. Don't play their game.
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Old 04-18-2019, 01:14 AM #7
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Default Re: My friend affected by death threat, me not so much

Jimi, I saw this when you first posted and felt concerned for you. I've lived in dangerous violent situations and so had my father. There are people whose hatred can spiral out of control and who will take you down. This is real. It's nave to think the police can do anything about that level of violence because it would demand their vigilance 24/7.

Please take care of yourself and of your friend! Perhaps this is a wake-up call that the outside can be more crazy than even our own emotional turmoil.

I know what it's like to feel comfortable enough with my own anger and to not be able to stand back when I'm in a situation with someone whose anger is more addictive and more dangerous than my own. Other people's obsessive hatred can take you down: once started this spiral is hard to exit. Please think about defending yourself and your friend even though your inner self tells you that you're immune.


I love that your friend is still your friend despite being mad at you. You are certainly doing something right, so please hold onto to that thread inside yourself and step back from the rest of it, no matter the provocation.

Much care your way! Saidso
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Old 04-18-2019, 04:39 PM #8
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Default Re: My friend affected by death threat, me not so much

Unfortunately I'm not the type that backs down or flees. I'm not smart that way. This guy is twice my size and could snap my neck just like that. Still I trust my own aggression in handling him. I know I need to learn other ways of coping. Just don't know how.

Whether this guy is a real danger we've really discussed, and my friend has calmed down and think he's all talk and not a bad person for real. I never thought he'd show, but he can still make my life a living hell. But when I think of it, I make the opposite judgment from my friend, if someone would show up ever, it would be this guy. He is different from other trolls. Also he feels he has everything right, he doesn't pretend, he really thinks I have done bad things to him that never happened.

Today when I brought it up, my friend just went HUH? I guess he already forgot the whole situation. That's good. He was super anxious before.

Thing is we chatted in the same chat for two years on a daily basis, and he knows way too much about me. I hope he's not smart turning some of that stuff against me.

This is probably the end of it, but if stuff continues, at least I have a police file to build on.
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Old 04-26-2019, 09:27 PM #9
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Default Re: My friend affected by death threat, me not so much

Got the copy of the police report today. They refuse to see it as a threat, they will only see it as harassment, because it didn't take place in the real world. I wonder if they feel the same about the phone. That is not real either.

So now I'm a little mad.

But learned my lesson. Keep online stuff to online. As long as it's only words on a screen, no one cares.
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