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Old 04-19-2019, 07:29 AM #11
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Default Re: How to Distance Yourself From the Negative?

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Originally Posted by golden_eve View Post
I don't know about that. I don't accept the unacceptable. When people do and say unacceptable things, I cannot just radically accept it.
ďRadical acceptanceĒ doesnít mean you accept or allow bad behavior. You accept the fact that this person is a mess, it canít be changed, they are who they are and you just not going to be influenced by them. Their opinion doesnít matter

You distance yourself (emotionally or physically) or break up or stop friendship or whatever you need to do but you get them out of your head. You donít spend your life ruminating why they they say this or that. Accept that you canít control them. You can only control yourself. Radical acceptance isnít being a doormat. Itís a bit opposite actually.
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Old 04-19-2019, 07:34 AM #12
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Default Re: How to Distance Yourself From the Negative?

Donít place importance on peopleís opinions. Especially people who arenít particularly that important. Why does it matter what some new so called friend says or a colleague?

Could it be related to confidence and self esteem issue. Usually when you feel confident, other peopleís opinion donít mean as much. Do you talk to your therapist about it?
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Old 04-19-2019, 07:40 AM #13
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Default Re: How to Distance Yourself From the Negative?

Take your friendís comment, ďI hope it works out.Ē It was a rude comment. It was motivated by her prior experiences or by her jealousy. It certainly had nothing to do with you, in this case. It means nothing at all.

If I had much good connection with this friend, I may have overlooked stupid comment. Maybe I am a bit of a doormat. IME, more people have made similar faux pas, and I canít just dump everybody. But, her making such a comment, is probably an indication that she is not a good friend. So way to go trusting your gut there.
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Old 04-19-2019, 08:40 AM #14
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Default Re: How to Distance Yourself From the Negative?

I'm so sorry you're hurting so much, golden_eve! I completely agree with what all the other great, wise, wonderful posters have already wisely said better than I ever could! You've been given lots og reat, wise, wonderful advice on this thread! I'd suggest to follow it as much as you possibly can if you want to! I completely agree with ALL of you when you say that we can't change other people but we CAN change ourselves! It's hard not to let people hurt ourselves with what they do or say, but we have to keep fighting and to try your best! That's all we humans can do after all and it's ALWAYS more than enough! Try not to pay ANY attention to their comments if they hurt you! Most importantly, try to surround yourself ONLY with people who truly love you and respect you for who you truly are! Of course even our closest friends and family members can make some mistakes, but if they truly love us I'm sure they'll apologize whenever that happens! Please try to get away from toxic people in your life! Life is too short and there's no place for them in our lives! It's just self-preservation after all! You need and deserve to take care of yourself first and to surround yourself with people that will truly accept you and truly love you for who you truly are! Life is precious and we DO need to use it as well as we ALL can! PLEASE REMEMBER THAT! I feel like that's VERY important! Sending many hugs to you, golden_eve!
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Old 04-19-2019, 10:57 AM #15
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Default Re: How to Distance Yourself From the Negative?

Thank you all. I really appreciate your replies and support!

It does not have to do with a lack of confidence or self esteem on my part. It has to do with being very sensitive to negative comments and mistreatment.
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Old 04-19-2019, 11:07 AM #16
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Default Re: How to Distance Yourself From the Negative?

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Originally Posted by sarahsweets View Post
I agree with @Trishabuv. Radical acceptance helps me. Its really hard not to let people who say nasty things to us to let it go. Part of what helps me is to acknowledge to myself that there is no truth to what has been said. I seriously think about it too. I think about if there is anything I did to encourage such unsolicited advice and usually there isn't anything. One attitude I have adjusted which is really freeing is...a I'll try to be PG here but its the F**k off attitude. If someone has an opinion about me or says something to me they can go f**k themselves. I am not saying that telling them that is the best choice(although I admit I have said it to someone before and the shock value is priceless) but its very freeing. Even said to yourself is freeing. Seriously, who asked for the comments? Who are they to say crap to me (especially if they need to take their own advice)? I find that some people say to me what they do not like or fear in themselves. Isn't it easier to criticize people then turn the lens inwards sometimes? I am very flawed and far from perfect but in no way am I going to give someone else's useless, baseless, stupid,ignorant, insignificant, unhelpful, nasty, any power in my life. Easier said then done of course. You got this girl!
Thank you for this!
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Old 04-19-2019, 11:07 AM #17
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Default Re: How to Distance Yourself From the Negative?

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Originally Posted by MickeyCheeky View Post
I'm so sorry you're hurting so much, golden_eve! I completely agree with what all the other great, wise, wonderful posters have already wisely said better than I ever could! You've been given lots og reat, wise, wonderful advice on this thread! I'd suggest to follow it as much as you possibly can if you want to! I completely agree with ALL of you when you say that we can't change other people but we CAN change ourselves! It's hard not to let people hurt ourselves with what they do or say, but we have to keep fighting and to try your best! That's all we humans can do after all and it's ALWAYS more than enough! Try not to pay ANY attention to their comments if they hurt you! Most importantly, try to surround yourself ONLY with people who truly love you and respect you for who you truly are! Of course even our closest friends and family members can make some mistakes, but if they truly love us I'm sure they'll apologize whenever that happens! Please try to get away from toxic people in your life! Life is too short and there's no place for them in our lives! It's just self-preservation after all! You need and deserve to take care of yourself first and to surround yourself with people that will truly accept you and truly love you for who you truly are! Life is precious and we DO need to use it as well as we ALL can! PLEASE REMEMBER THAT! I feel like that's VERY important! Sending many hugs to you, golden_eve!
Thank you, Mickey!!
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Old 04-19-2019, 11:08 AM #18
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Default Re: How to Distance Yourself From the Negative?

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Originally Posted by TishaBuv View Post
Take your friendís comment, ďI hope it works out.Ē It was a rude comment. It was motivated by her prior experiences or by her jealousy. It certainly had nothing to do with you, in this case. It means nothing at all.

If I had much good connection with this friend, I may have overlooked stupid comment. Maybe I am a bit of a doormat. IME, more people have made similar faux pas, and I canít just dump everybody. But, her making such a comment, is probably an indication that she is not a good friend. So way to go trusting your gut there.
I agree!!! Sheís definitely not a good friend!
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Old 04-19-2019, 11:13 AM #19
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Default Re: How to Distance Yourself From the Negative?

I figured out something, with all of your help with this.

Peopleís crappy treatment and/or comments says everything about them and nothing about me. I donít need to internalize THEIR crap. Itís on them to own, not me. I push it back on them.. why were you disrespectful? Because youíre probably feeling crappy about your own self esteem and life. So donít put that crap on me. Own it yourself. You feel like crap and youíre trying to bring ME down with u. Well Iím not going to let that happen. People need to own their own crappy feelings and not project them.
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Old 04-19-2019, 11:29 AM #20
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Default Re: How to Distance Yourself From the Negative?

The friend who said ďI hope it works outĒ does sound like a rude comment to me also .... was she having a bad day? How to distance from the negative, a very good question. If they are repeatedly negative and rude, they arenít a friend ... their opinion which they spout out is about them and their insecurities. Could it be this friend is jealous. I donít know

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