I feel really bad for not helping a spammer - Forums at Psych Central



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Old 04-26-2019, 10:26 AM #1
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Default I feel really bad for not helping a spammer

yesterday evening I got a spam email from someone who told me that she was

Possible trigger:


and needed someone to pay for her last bit of treatment

I deleted it, because deep down, I know that's what it is, a woman who is searching for people to probably steal bank information off (and probably a lot more besides)

but now I feel really bad, because I sat back and did absolutely nothing to help her

it's almost like I'm letting her die anyway

am I too nice?

feeling bad for not helping someone who probably had diffrent intentions?
I want to search her name and send her a message or something

I feel terrible
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Old 04-26-2019, 12:04 PM #2
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Default Re: I feel really bad for not helping a spammer

I would try not to think about it. Yes, it's possible that it isn't spam but it's much more likely that it is spam and that they are trying to get money off you for malicious purposes. If there's not enough evidence that it's legit, then it isn't imo
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Old 04-26-2019, 02:58 PM #3
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Default Re: I feel really bad for not helping a spammer

If it was a stranger asking for money then certainly it’s a spam and she doesn’t have cancer.
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Old 04-26-2019, 03:05 PM #4
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Default Re: I feel really bad for not helping a spammer

There have been sooooo many stories about scammers and cancer that I wouldn't trust that it was true.
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Old 05-02-2019, 06:38 PM #5
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Default Re: I feel really bad for not helping a spammer

I think it was almost certainly spam

I don’t think you’re “too nice” - there aren’t enough kind people around..
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Old 05-19-2019, 10:46 AM #6
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Default Re: I feel really bad for not helping a spammer

Don't feel bad for not encouraging spamming!
If she actually had cancer, she could ask some place else as there are quite a few people willing to donate to cancer patients. Gofundme for example.
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Old 05-21-2019, 12:29 PM #7
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Default Re: I feel really bad for not helping a spammer

1. did you know this person?
2. if you did not, then how did they get your e mail?
3. if you did not, then why would they send you an e mail asking for $$$?

this was someone looking for a person who would stop for just that one second and do just like you did.."oh she's dying from cancer, let me help" and send $$$....there is no one dying from cancer, but when you send that check, or more then likely cash because it's easier to work with you will never hear form then again. and they will work that scam on people all over the country and get thousands of dollars.

people who are sick can use go fund me pages, other fund raisers, etc to help raise funds. they don't have to resort to calling total strangers for cash.

don't feel guilty, 99% of the phone calls for cash are scams. never give anything to them. ever.
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Old 05-21-2019, 01:41 PM #8
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Default Re: I feel really bad for not helping a spammer

Hi Raging Vortex,

what an interesting post and issue you raised! Sorry you are feeling badly!

I think it is unlikely that someone struggling with cancer would contact a complete stranger for financial assistance. That said, let's imagine it really is the case (which I very much doubt) it is not your responsibility to financially support other adults. If you are a parent of 'minor' children, yes you would have a responsibility to support them financially until age 18. Other adults need to take care of themselves. When they cannot, there are government and charitable services available to them. Folks with terminal illness are often linked to such services by their medical team.

If you feel a strong desire to help, you could volunteer at a hospice clinic, hospital, or homeless shelter or donate money/clothes/toys to one. Volunteers are always sought and appreciated.

Are you familiar with the concept of 'negative empathy?'
Negative Empathy | Psychology Today

I think you may find it useful and cathartic to read about it. I struggle with it myself at times. I appreciate the advice of allowing others' suffering to flow through us and then moving on with our life. Another way to think about it....you feeling badly today is not actually helping anyone with cancer....the negative empathy is just burning your energy.

I hope you find some peace. You deserve it
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