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Default Apr 30, 2019 at 03:34 PM
  #1
My fiance's brother just rained on our parade by bringing up his long-standing and secretly held issues with my fiance only days before we leave to get married.

My ex malignant narc boyfriend as well tried to rock the boat the other night. saying some upsetting things to each of us separately that enraged both me and my fiance.

AND a female acquaintance of mine said "I hope it works out" as her "well wishes" to us.

I am SO done. I think I have PMS right now, I feel terribly depressed all of a sudden, I've been crying all afternoon, my fiance and I had a big argument as a result of all the stress, and I literally cannot take any more negativity being thrown our way.

What the hell? I almost want to bail on the whole thing at this point. I love him dearly, but honestly, do weddings have to stir up THIS MUCH DRAMA???????
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Default Apr 30, 2019 at 03:40 PM
  #2
Sweetie, you are one step ahead realizing that weddings really provoke emotionality. Try not to engage in the foolishness. Create a little cocoon with your wonderful man as best you can. You are such a wonderful person, Eve, and so very smart that I’m sure your honey is just as special. All will be well. Hugs and love from all of us.

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Default Apr 30, 2019 at 03:49 PM
  #3
Honestly, I think weddings do tend to stir up this much drama... Unfortunately. All that unwanted advice and opinion you are getting... that alone would upset me very much. This should be an exciting time but even good changes like this bring about all kinds of emotions and stresses for people. I hope you and your fiancé are able to take a break from it all and get some rest. I hope you feel better soon. Not Coping Well JUST before my Wedding
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Default Apr 30, 2019 at 03:51 PM
  #4
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Originally Posted by luvyrself View Post
Sweetie, you are one step ahead realizing that weddings really provoke emotionality. Try not to engage in the foolishness. Create a little cocoon with your wonderful man as best you can. You are such a wonderful person, Eve, and so very smart that I’m sure your honey is just as special. All will be well. Hugs and love from all of us.
Thank you SO much.

Your post made me burst into tears. In a good way. I need comforting, and your post and words are very comforting to hear right now. You are SO sweet to say this!!!!!

We almost cracked today under all the negativity, but later rebounded saying we love each other and cannot be without each other. We DO need a cocoon.

What is wrong with some people? Why do weddings provoke such things? I've never been married and have not participated in many weddings. I am a bit naive or new to all of this, having lived under a rock in terms of weddings.

It's supposed to be the happiest time and we WERE happy until a few days ago.... then bam! One negative thing after another, and then we fight as a result? We haven't had an argument in like over three months. Smooth sailing, all loving and no issues.

I am really PMSing. I cannot stop the tears. He is smart, he is wonderful... he's not perfect and neither am I, but we love each other immensely. I just cannot believe all these a-holes are trying to bring us down & it's working.
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Default Apr 30, 2019 at 03:53 PM
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Originally Posted by Sisabel View Post
Honestly, I think weddings do tend to stir up this much drama... Unfortunately. All that unwanted advice and opinion you are getting... that alone would upset me very much. This should be an exciting time but even good changes like this bring about all kinds of emotions and stresses for people. I hope you and your fiancé are able to take a break from it all and get some rest. I hope you feel better soon. Not Coping Well JUST before my Wedding
THANK YOU, Sisabel!

I guess weddings do??? I had NO idea!!! I feel SO naive!

I just want to get on that plane right now and disappear far away from everyone I know... for a long time.
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Default Apr 30, 2019 at 04:21 PM
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I cannot stop crying. I haven't felt this depressed in a very very long time.
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Default Apr 30, 2019 at 04:26 PM
  #7
Hey, they’re jealous and want attention. Weddings do make people aware of how their own life falls short. However, this is YOUR time. Just try not to engage or calmly respond. 3-2-1 and you’re gone on your wonderful adventure. We will be with you in spirit, and thanks for including us in your happiness! I’m throwing imaginary rose petals instead of rice! Hugs!

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Default Apr 30, 2019 at 04:33 PM
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Originally Posted by luvyrself View Post
Hey, they’re jealous and want attention. Weddings do make people aware of how their own life falls short. However, this is YOUR time. Just try not to engage or calmly respond. 3-2-1 and you’re gone on your wonderful adventure. We will be with you in spirit, and thanks for including us in your happiness! I’m throwing imaginary rose petals instead of rice! Hugs!
Oh, you are a true DEAR!!!! I just love you!!!!! Thank you SO much. Your kindness and warm well wishes mean the world to me right now, especially in the face of SO much negativity.
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Default Apr 30, 2019 at 08:12 PM
  #9
Your ex has no bearing on your life. He is of no importance. Some woman at the bar means even less. Not sure why these unimportant people effect you so badly. Let it go. Your fiancées brother is of course important but his issues with your fiancée have nothing to do with you and it could be all resolved at a later time. Tell your fiancée to postpone all this until later on.

No i don’t believe weddings are supposed to stir drama.

Focus on the positives. No fighting, crying or drama. These are exciting happy times! Did you pack your pretty outfits and your dress? How about swim suit? I imagine water is going to be great! It sounds so exciting! Do you need a chaperone lol lol?
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Default Apr 30, 2019 at 08:41 PM
  #10
Maybe you are PMSing too as I remember you were worried about an univited friend happening? Maybe you will have the friend visit and be done with by the time you leave? That could be a positive.
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Default Apr 30, 2019 at 09:18 PM
  #11
Thanks Divine but there’s more to it than I’ve said. I’m also very fragile right now. It’s an emotional time. It’s been a difficult time leading up to this. My fiancé has growing and worsening multiple physical ailments. I’m very concerned. There’s more but I don’t want to share it publicly right now.

OE, thanks as well. Yes I am definitely PMS.

We are still arguing and fighting. First fight we’ve had in months. His brother really set things off kilter and caused a lot of upset. Now it’s rococheting.

I’m exhausted from this day. It’s been too emotional.
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Default Apr 30, 2019 at 10:55 PM
  #12
I heard like one of the five most stressful life events is marriage so... it's par for the course?

Weddings are drama magnets for sure. You gotta just tune everyone out. They are gonna make little or big jabs at you, be passive aggressive or outright aggressive. People hate it when someone is happy and they are not.

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Default May 01, 2019 at 02:13 AM
  #13
You’ll have a better day today. Hugs. Stay strong.
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Default May 01, 2019 at 05:19 AM
  #14
Wedding do tend to bring every issue and conflict out into the open. I am a big supporter of weddings for that very reason, tbh. It’s best it come out now rather than later. If a couple can make it through the wedding and still be happy and in tact, they’ve got a fighting chance for a life together!

My user name here reflects an issue from my wedding that I blamed (superstitiously) on my marital problems. I was naive and didn’t know about tradition, which allowed for some bad drama to screw up my wedding.

I now you and your fiancé are very much in love. Love conquers all! We’re all rooting for you here to make it through and have a very happy and healthy future together!

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Default May 01, 2019 at 06:00 AM
  #15
Thank you Seesaw, Tisha and Divine!

Wow, this sure did bring up our own issues through the family issues that arose. We haven't had a fight in months, like I was saying. I am sad and regretful over things I said in the heat of the moment. I hope we can pull through this together. I know our love for each other is very strong. We both care immensely. We've been SO happy too. This week has truly sucked. Today is a brand new day. I have a feeling this fight we had may linger a few days with its energy, but hopefully we can shake it off and be Ok by the time we get on the plane on Sat.

Thank you all for all your kind & supportive words! Hugely appreciated!!

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Default May 01, 2019 at 06:29 AM
  #16
Stay strong, golden_eve!!!!! I'm so sorry you and your boyfriend are going through all of this! I completely agree with what all the other wise, wonderful posters have already wisely said better than I ever could! Weddings can DEFINITELY be very stressful! Please don't worry too much about fighting! Fights are bound to happen in EVERY relationship sooner or later, but TRUE love will get over ANY fights! Your relationship with your boyfriend DEFINITELY seems like TRUE LOVE to me! Please don't worry too much about it! Fights can happen and they're normal as long as they don't happen too frequently ESPECIALLY when you're in a stressful event or situation! Just hang in there, ok? Just try to look forward to ALL the WONDERFUL things that you'll have at you wedding! Don't pay too much attention to other nasty people and look forward to your honeymoon which I'm sure will be WONDERFUL! This is YOUR time! Just enjoy it as much as you can, ok? You and your boyfriend have DEFINITELY got this! You'WILL be happy together! I'm SURE of that! Please let us know how it goes and please keep us updated as much as you possibly can if you want to! Most importantly, HAVE FUN! Sending many hugs to you and your boyfriend, golden_eve!
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Default May 01, 2019 at 08:18 AM
  #17
I was sitting and thinking about something I just experienced that triggered me badly. What I noticed about it was that I was put in a position where two individuals that have been toxic with me had me trapped in a triangle and I have definitely experienced many situations that were toxic triangles that traumatized me.

One of these toxic triangles is when two people are interacting dysfunctionally and are arguing with each other and I am stuck in the small end of the triangle having that somehow taken out on me. I think one of the triggers you experienced yesterday was how your husband was experiencing a conversation with his brother where his brother was invading his boundaries, getting him upset and your fiance ended up venting that at you. Toxic people isolate and triangulate and if you are in a relationship it's important to take steps to see these red flags and work together towards not letting them disrupt your relationship.

You do have a challenge in that your fiance tends to shut down and disengage instead of being able to actually talk things out. This is most likely due to his history where he never got to see an example of a relationship where individuals engaged in communicating in healthy ways with each other. Your fiance doesn't really understand how to defend his boundaries and the only thing he did see happen is aggressive behaviors instead of assertiveness and actual healthy communication. From what you have shared of him, he tends to only understand passive aggressive behavior patterns.

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Default May 01, 2019 at 09:04 AM
  #18
Weddings are supposed to be one of the happiest moments of your life but they do bring up a lot of emotions. I remember on my wedding night as my husband helped me "unravel" all the wedding attire I cried- I sobbed because it was so much and so overwhelming. We still joke about it today.

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Default May 01, 2019 at 05:40 PM
  #19
Thank you so much, Mickey!!

And thank you so much Sarah!!

And OE!!

This has been very challenging for the last couple weeks.

OE, yes, he does have those traits. They came out last night. We're better today.

It IS supposed to be the happiest time of our lives.And yes, I think weddings definitely bring out some of the worst in other people.

I hope once we're on the plane that all of this can melt behind us and we can feel happy and excited for the days to come... as a newlywed couple.
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Default May 02, 2019 at 12:43 PM
  #20
Right before a wedding is when the reality of it all hits. All the thinking culminates at that point where the actual ACTION of getting married is now a NOW REALITY.

Sometimes these things that happen right before the wedding can be a little test in thar it is the last chance to think it ALL through before the committment is actually made. Fights, arguments & all just sort of "clear the air". Making these life decisions should not be taken lightly & there is a lot more involved in relationships than just love. That needs to be there above all else.

I really think this is just a good chance for you both to deal with issues so that your resolve for your marriage is even GREATER. Kinda a strengthening process you are going through.

Very excited for your wedding commitment to each other & a nice RELAXING time together to bond even deeper after all of this.

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