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abonemia
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Default May 16, 2019 at 02:41 PM
  #1
By recently I mostly mean the last few months. Rationally I can name good things in my life. I have hobbies and friends and all that. But even when I'm doing something fun with friends, I rarely experience real joy. More like a vaguely positive feeling but it's, like, dulled.

In comparison, I am often annoyed, and feel like am absolutely not mentally resilient. Even small unpleasant things pretty much ruin my day, I am almost always in a bad mood and feel grumpy and negative. Anything positive that happens has only a slight effect.

I feel stressed, despite actually having a lot of free time. I always feel like I need a vacation. I fantasize about just going away from civilisation so noone and nothing can bother me. I wanna sit in my own little cabin all by myself and just shut the world out. Whenever I can relax and do nothing, like in the evenings and weekends, I feel alright but during the week I'm just.... bleh.

I am not happy with my job, so I think that's a big part of this, but I don't know why I am suddenly so negative and can barely find joy in anything. I guess it sounds like depression, but it doesn't feel the way depression usually manifests for me.
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Iloivar
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Default May 17, 2019 at 12:17 PM
  #2
Quote:
Originally Posted by abonemia View Post
By recently I mostly mean the last few months. Rationally I can name good things in my life. I have hobbies and friends and all that. But even when I'm doing something fun with friends, I rarely experience real joy. More like a vaguely positive feeling but it's, like, dulled.

In comparison, I am often annoyed, and feel like am absolutely not mentally resilient. Even small unpleasant things pretty much ruin my day, I am almost always in a bad mood and feel grumpy and negative. Anything positive that happens has only a slight effect.

I feel stressed, despite actually having a lot of free time. I always feel like I need a vacation. I fantasize about just going away from civilisation so noone and nothing can bother me. I wanna sit in my own little cabin all by myself and just shut the world out. Whenever I can relax and do nothing, like in the evenings and weekends, I feel alright but during the week I'm just.... bleh.

I am not happy with my job, so I think that's a big part of this, but I don't know why I am suddenly so negative and can barely find joy in anything. I guess it sounds like depression, but it doesn't feel the way depression usually manifests for me.
Does the start of unhappiness with your job align with the beginning of your mood change? I suppose im just wondering, if perhaps that it's not only a big part, but the sole reason?

You also mention having depression. How does that usually manifest for you? Is there usually a discernible cause to it? Perhaps your depression and your job combines for a different manifestation than what you're typically used to?

And can you quit your job? What don't you like about it? If this has been going on for a while, perhaps seeking a proffesional is worth it?
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Default May 21, 2019 at 08:51 PM
  #3
I think it’s quite possible your job stress could be a big contributor to feeling this way. We spend about 1/3 or more of our time during the week at work. If it’s a negative environment it can literally suck the life right out of you. It’s not always possible to get another job... If not, I hope you’re able to find some ways to detach from it and truly relax.
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Default Jun 01, 2019 at 01:33 AM
  #4
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Originally Posted by abonemia View Post
I am not happy with my job, so I think that's a big part of this, but I don't know why I am suddenly so negative and can barely find joy in anything. I guess it sounds like depression, but it doesn't feel the way depression usually manifests for me.
I'm sorry to hear you are struggling.

It could be the stress of your job finally reaching its limit. Maybe it was somewhat tolerable at the beginning but less so as it lingers.
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Default Jun 01, 2019 at 01:40 PM
  #5
I agree with others that this sounds like it could be because of your job. I'm also wondering if you're on birth control? A couple of years ago I was on the pill. The pharmacy I was using stopped selling the brand I used and gave me a different brand that they claimed would be the same (this actually happened twice in a couple of months). I started noticing a lot of the same symptoms you described. I felt dulled, like I was continually cranky and could hear myself being mean to the people I loved but couldn't stop it. After my prescription ran out I delayed going to the OBGYN so I could get it renewed and eventually started feeling more like myself. I noticed myself almost coming back alive in a way. This may not pertain to you but it is something to consider. Try to do the little things that make you happy. Spending time outside may help (most people don't get enough vitamin D). Most of all just keep pushing forward, even if it feels bad now it won't always be that way.
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