I can turn my empathy on and off at will...

...it started after several months of being bullied at school (2 years straight in total). I can become stone-cold emotionally. But the rest of the time I'm sweet and sensitive.
Today I'm 32, and sometimes turn off my empathy without realizing. Which, of course, affects my relationships. I scared my bf and friends few days ago, by pointing out something horrible as entertaining. I regretted it few seconds later, but it was too late. Now they all fear I'm a closet psycho. I am worried they may be right. Though the skill can be handy in a few cases, I don't want to be that way.
Anyone else who has this problem? Any way to notice when your feelings shut off and your humanity goes downhill?

It seems to me like a defense mechanism you developed in order to protect yourself after being bullied, which is only natural.

The downside is that you can then become a cold, indifferent and mean-sounding person, which is a turnoff to many people.

It may be good for you to try and work on this in therapy so that you don't shut yourself off from your hurt emotions or from feeling the pain of others.... empathy is a positive trait in life. Yes, we still need to protect ourselves emotionally from being hurt by those who are hurtful and/or mean, but you can still maintain empathy, and even towards enemies.

Happy bday btw.

Hello Quanticia

sorry you are struggling and worried. Folks living with psychopathy do not worry about the feelings of others. They would not regret whatever it was you said to your friends that you felt startled them. Nor do psychopaths worry about being psychopaths; they just are. See what I mean? I believe the research indicates that the differences in a psychopath's brain exist since birth. You said this change started after experiencing bullying so I don't think you are referring to lifelong differences there.

I wonder if feeling "stone-cold" at times is really emotional numbness which can often be a response to intense emotion and trauma. You said this started after 2 years of trauma....that has not been addressed....perhaps you have not begun to heal. So it's not that you don't care sometimes...perhaps you have previously cared and felt SO deeply in terrible pain that now your brain is checking out because it cannot maintain that level of intense feeling? That is very different from psychopathy. I can share with you that I often struggle with emotional numbness and emptiness. A PhD in psychology told me that it is a trauma response. And I assure you that I am not a psychopath but you'll have to just take my word for it In my offline world, people say I am very high on the empathy scale. Sounds contradictory but true. Our minds are very complex.....black-and-white ideas usually aren't accurate. And remember that empathy is a scale and nobody is going to feel full empathy every moment of their life for everyone they meet....if they did they would get sick. You may like to read about Negative Empathy.
Negative Empathy | Psychology Today

Perhaps you are angry at humans for bullying you so that's coming out in other ways. Anger can do that....unaddressed, it can spill out in other areas in unexpected ways.

Thoughts are just thoughts. None of us need any Thought Police or we'd all wind up in Thought Prison. Behaviors are what count.

That said, I recommend an experienced therapist to help you heal from the trauma of bullying. I am sorry that happened to you. It was not your fault and you did not deserve it. Be good and kind to yourself and consider finding a professional to talk over your concerns. I do NOT think you are a psychopath I wish you peace, hope, and a bright future.

I never found any other people like me in this aspect however I have almost no empathy, and I never have had any and I'm definitely capable of viewing things from a different perspective. The truth is that I just hate humanity and I've never cared for it. I've spent half my life pretending to care about others just so that they don't think I'm a psychopath. I used to manipulate people without even trying, and I thought I stopped doing that, but it turns out I'm doing it on such a grand scale that it's hard to tell.

Thank you all so much for your replies!
Thanks
This is a HUGE relief
I've healed a lot of things. I was agoraphobic and shut in my own world for years: I worked on it without a therapist, and now I can socialize happily and easily like a normal person (supposing "normal people" exist ) And it's been 20 years since the bullying phase. But maybe it's not enough?
Interesting read!
You made my day
That's a very interesting perspective, and thank you for sharing. It sounds like a super annoying condition, to say the least... needing to hide yourself and your thoughts like that all the time.
When my empathy is working, I have the same thoughts as I do without it: the only difference is that I have an emotional filter that automatically puts them into perspective. Still, sometimes I hate humanity too: that part isn't exclusive to people with no empathy And trying to limit your instinctive manipulation of people, despite technically not feeling for them, speaks really well about you (at least from my point of view).

Giant hugs....I had to reply, many people experience this, Hon, and I hope that’s of help. The fact your posting/thinking on this, means your a good person x