advertisement
Reply
Thread Tools Display Modes
PeachCream22
Member
 
PeachCream22's Avatar
PeachCream22 has no updates.
 
Member Since: Jul 2013
Location: The Happy Place
Posts: 232
10 yr Member
287 hugs
given
Trig May 26, 2019 at 08:34 AM
  #1
Heads up, it's gonna be a long one.

I wasn't sure whether I should post this under school, coping with emotion or relationships. I suppose it is a mixture, and I do need someone to talk to on how to cope.

Since last year I graduated from my degree, times have been very tough. I live with my family, and they paid for my degree. I worked hard and I graduated with first class honours. After graduating I became confused on what to do actually, and my current country in a messy state. Jobs are difficult to find, I couldn't land a job, and I was really doing serious self-reflecting on what I wanted to do. I was just keeping my options open but at the same time I decided to really chase my dreams. I decided to apply for a Master's degree because I really wanted to delve and specialize in Neuroscience and Psychiatry, I was quite passionate about mental health. That was my biggest mistake, to try and apply.

I managed to get into Oxford, and I hoped to God I could get a scholarship for the first few months after getting an offer, because I knew my family couldn't afford it. Then things got really ugly. Over the course of these next few months, my brother saw my IG stories about my offer and he started screaming at me, calling me spoiled for always getting my way and for my family to pay for my degree, and I started crying and he screamed more at me. Then from then on, he started giving me the silent treatment, for months. I was angry at how he treated me, but I could not do anything. My older sister initially comforted me about it, and then after a while decided that I didn't ''know the consequences of my actions by applying for a Masters''. She started getting angry at me and when I talked back at her and she said things like I have attitude and didn't respect my elders.

I mean, I did tell them I was going to apply and just hoped for a scholarship, and they didn't stop me.... i guess reality hit hard and they all decided to hate me. I understand they were put in difficult financial situation because of me, but couldn't they just nicely tell me they can't afford it?

I wanted to start a fundraising campaign and ask for sponsors. I told my mom and she told my older sister. Then my older sister screamed at both of us because it was an émbarassing thing to do' and we were taking money from the poor, and underprivileged who actually needed the money. My mom started arguing with her, and then started screaming at me about how entitled and how useless I was for not landing a job and when I cried she made fun of me and asked loudly why am I so sensitive about everything. i told her I have been wanting to take my life and she laughed loudly and screamed more about why couldn't I be like my friends (who studied business ) and be accountants. Every time I locked my door and cried, she would knock loudly and ask rudely why do you always lock the door what is wrong with you. So now I have the habit of turning up music and crying so she wouldn't hear me. She also said my brother was right to treat me as if he didn't care if I died.

Now the plan is to take a loan (with severe consequences, we would have to sell off some important things), and I have to be grateful no matter how they treat me. I didn't agree with the loan idea, but they seem determined, perhaps they feel guilty for yelling at me. The thing is, I'm tired of this push and pull. One minute they're screaming at me and the next they're trying to help me and the next it happens again. I just don't want to feel anymore.

I'm here asking for advice, on how to ignore everything? I have been crying non-stop. I know I sound entitled and spoiled, and I brought the above on myself, and that I am the problem and my family deserves a better daughter, but I just needed someone to listen to me, and not judge.

I have been thinking of revenge suicide a lot, but I will never do it because of my friends and my boyfriend.

Thank you for reading if you did. Thank you very much.
PeachCream22 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
MickeyCheeky, URBeautiful
 
Thanks for this!
MickeyCheeky

advertisement
MickeyCheeky
Legendary
 
MickeyCheeky's Avatar
MickeyCheeky My echo is the only voice coming back
 
Member Since: Jun 2016
Location: Italy
Posts: 11,817 (SuperPoster!)
5 yr Member
38.4k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default May 27, 2019 at 06:14 AM
  #2
Wow! I'm so sorry you're being treated so horribly, PeachCream22! THAT'S AN HORRIBLE BEHAVIOR TO PUT UP WITH! It definitely sounds like a VERY painful situation and you're VERY stroing for even being able to endure ALL OF THIS! I don't have a lot of advice to give to you unfortunately! I'm not sure if staying with your parents may actually be good for your own health though! Tell me, are there any friends or other family members you may move in with for a little bit at least? I guess it would make things really difficult with money and such! I'm not sure of how things work there in your University, but if it's proving to be too expensive, is it possible for you to just leave? How much time has passed since you began? I guess it isn't so easy otherwise you'd already have done it, but if you can, perhaps that's the best thing to do at the moment! Of course I'm not saying that you should give up your dreams, but sometimes we need to adjust to the reality of the situation! It is good that you have a Degree at least! Please do NOT feel guilty about choosing to pursue your Master's Degree! You are ABSOLUTELY right that they should have told you EARLIER that they couldn't afford it before getting angry at you! Were you able to talk with them about ALL OF THIS before making your decision? ither way, they've had ABSOLUTELY NO RIGHT to treat you that way! Please don't hurt yourself! I understand things are VERY HARD right now, but PLEASE NEVER GIVE UP HOPE! Things CAN and WILL get better at some point, I'm sure of that! Keep looking for a job if you aren't already! Hopefully you'll be able to find something! Most important, PLEASE STAY SAFE! You need to take care of yourself and your own health before doing EVERYTHING ELSE! That must be the PRIORITY! Do you have a support system IRL besides your family? Any friends or other family member that you trust and who may be able to help you? Either way, you'll DEFINITELY find support here! YOU CAN BE SURE OF THAT! I PROMISE YOU ALL OF THAT BECAUSE IT IS TRUE! PLEASE REMEMBER ALL OF THAT BECAUSE IT IS TRUE! Please keep us updated on your situation as much as you possibly CAN if you WANT TO, ok? WE ALL CARE ABOUT YOU! THAT'S A PROMISE! YOU'RE A STRONG, WONDERFUL PERSON! PLEASE LET US KNOW HOW THINGS ARE GOING FOR YOU! Sending many AWESOME, caring, generous, gentle, kind, safe, sensible, sweet, warm, and WONDERFUL hugs to you, PeachCream22, JUST LIKE YOU ARE!
MickeyCheeky is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Thanks for this!
PeachCream22
divine1966
Legendary Wise Elder
 
divine1966's Avatar
divine1966 Tired!!!
 
Member Since: Dec 2014
Location: US
Posts: 22,303 (SuperPoster!)
8 yr Member
1,274 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default May 27, 2019 at 06:55 AM
  #3
I am sorry your family treats you this way. Yelling, screaming and silence treatment aren’t acceptable.

Also please see a professional about your suicidal thoughts. Can you see a therapist?

Congrats on gettin into oxford.

Saying all that it’s a bit unusual applying for grad degree not knowing how you’ll pay for it. Many people get help from their parents through undergrad degree but when going to grad school people usually either take loans or pay gradually out of their pocket while working or rely on scholarships or grants.

Did you family agree to pay for it?

I also recommend you see career counselor at college to talk about future career prospects in the field of your choice. You don’t want to end up having hard time finding a job. What kind of career are you considering?
divine1966 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
Kbaker17, MickeyCheeky
 
Thanks for this!
MickeyCheeky, PeachCream22
PeachCream22
Member
 
PeachCream22's Avatar
PeachCream22 has no updates.
 
Member Since: Jul 2013
Location: The Happy Place
Posts: 232
10 yr Member
287 hugs
given
Default May 28, 2019 at 02:03 AM
  #4
Quote:
Originally Posted by MickeyCheeky View Post
Wow! I'm so sorry you're being treated so horribly, PeachCream22! THAT'S AN HORRIBLE BEHAVIOR TO PUT UP WITH! It definitely sounds like a VERY painful situation and you're VERY stroing for even being able to endure ALL OF THIS! I don't have a lot of advice to give to you unfortunately! I'm not sure if staying with your parents may actually be good for your own health though! Tell me, are there any friends or other family members you may move in with for a little bit at least? I guess it would make things really difficult with money and such! I'm not sure of how things work there in your University, but if it's proving to be too expensive, is it possible for you to just leave? How much time has passed since you began? I guess it isn't so easy otherwise you'd already have done it, but if you can, perhaps that's the best thing to do at the moment! Of course I'm not saying that you should give up your dreams, but sometimes we need to adjust to the reality of the situation! It is good that you have a Degree at least! Please do NOT feel guilty about choosing to pursue your Master's Degree! You are ABSOLUTELY right that they should have told you EARLIER that they couldn't afford it before getting angry at you! Were you able to talk with them about ALL OF THIS before making your decision? ither way, they've had ABSOLUTELY NO RIGHT to treat you that way! Please don't hurt yourself! I understand things are VERY HARD right now, but PLEASE NEVER GIVE UP HOPE! Things CAN and WILL get better at some point, I'm sure of that! Keep looking for a job if you aren't already! Hopefully you'll be able to find something! Most important, PLEASE STAY SAFE! You need to take care of yourself and your own health before doing EVERYTHING ELSE! That must be the PRIORITY! Do you have a support system IRL besides your family? Any friends or other family member that you trust and who may be able to help you? Either way, you'll DEFINITELY find support here! YOU CAN BE SURE OF THAT! I PROMISE YOU ALL OF THAT BECAUSE IT IS TRUE! PLEASE REMEMBER ALL OF THAT BECAUSE IT IS TRUE! Please keep us updated on your situation as much as you possibly CAN if you WANT TO, ok? WE ALL CARE ABOUT YOU! THAT'S A PROMISE! YOU'RE A STRONG, WONDERFUL PERSON! PLEASE LET US KNOW HOW THINGS ARE GOING FOR YOU! Sending many AWESOME, caring, generous, gentle, kind, safe, sensible, sweet, warm, and WONDERFUL hugs to you, PeachCream22, JUST LIKE YOU ARE!
Hi Mickey, thank you for your kind and supportive reply. I greatly appreciate it.

I cannot stay outside my parents' house. I do not have a car and my country literally has zilch public transport, and my friends live far away. If I stayed at a friends' house because of this, my family might scream at me more and kill me for 'imposing' on others.

I have not started my course yet!

I will not hurt myself, do not worry. I am hoping and trying to be grateful that my family has decided to take out this loan, no matter how much crap they throw at me.

My support system is my friends and my boyfriend

Again, thank you for your kind reply. No updates for now, just the loan thing I mentioned.
PeachCream22 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
Kbaker17
PeachCream22
Member
 
PeachCream22's Avatar
PeachCream22 has no updates.
 
Member Since: Jul 2013
Location: The Happy Place
Posts: 232
10 yr Member
287 hugs
given
Default May 28, 2019 at 02:17 AM
  #5
Quote:
Originally Posted by divine1966 View Post
I am sorry your family treats you this way. Yelling, screaming and silence treatment aren’t acceptable.

Also please see a professional about your suicidal thoughts. Can you see a therapist?

Congrats on gettin into oxford.

Saying all that it’s a bit unusual applying for grad degree not knowing how you’ll pay for it. Many people get help from their parents through undergrad degree but when going to grad school people usually either take loans or pay gradually out of their pocket while working or rely on scholarships or grants.

Did you family agree to pay for it?

I also recommend you see career counselor at college to talk about future career prospects in the field of your choice. You don’t want to end up having hard time finding a job. What kind of career are you considering?
First off, thank you for your kind reply. I really appreciate it. Don't worry about my suicidal thoughts, they are just mere thoughts. I love my friends and my boyfriend very much, and I know my suicide will break them.

As for the paying for a grad degree, I applied for it hoping for a scholarship to be given because Oxford gives scholarships once you apply. I already told my family I will be applying and they said they were okay with it, I just need a scholarship, even a partial one would be okay. When I got in they'll said they'll support me and think of smtg, and in the meantime I'm working hard to save up as well. Then as months pass no scholarship emails came, even though I've been applying to quite a few. Then my family started getting angry and saying the horrible things above., and they started being unreasonable. I even said sadly to them, worst case scenario I won't go. then they screamed at me WHY DID YOU APPLY IN THE FIRST PLACE DO YOU KNOW HOW EXPENSIVE ARE THE APPLICATION FEES WHY ARE YOU SO STUPID AND WASTEFUL. No scholarships, then i was thinking of applying for charities, or fundraising. Then they screamed cannot and it's embarassing and taking money from poor people who need it. I am literally trying to raise money for my education and thinking of all sorts of ideas and they just go like NO, NO, NO and then screaming at me if I have no idea how to pay for it.???? Like...???? what?

I think they have issues. Like i said above, one minute they're nice and supportive and the next they're screaming, and then guilty again and then screaming. They said I'll better take care of them for the rest of their lives or else. I mean, of course I'll pay them back for the loan, but is it really necessary to keep controlling and threatening me ? I'm stressed, depressed with the job market and everytime I say this my mom laughs and say I'm pathetic.

Also, there are no career counselors at my old university. There are no government scholarships for me even though I was born here. I know it's hard to believe, but it really is true. My country is in ruins, economy is hell, my family is forcing me to stay here and giving me hell for it, there's no jobs, no nothing. I'm desperate. It feels like my only chance is to go to Oxford and somehow by some miracle secure a job in the UK as an international student, otherwise I'll legit go to prison for not being able to pay back my loan.

It almost feels like Oxford is just not worth it anymore.

I'm considering a career in industry with mental health research, or even a hospital job working with mental health patients and assisting with diagnosis or even in the lab.

From my pov, it just feels like Oxford is my ticket to success and I can support my family after that.

Thank you for reading
PeachCream22 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
URBeautiful
Junior Member
URBeautiful has no updates.
 
Member Since: Sep 2018
Location: United States
Posts: 15
5 yr Member
7 hugs
given
Default Jun 01, 2019 at 02:27 PM
  #6
I'm sorry to hear this. Unfortonently there are a lot of people out there that you just can't win with. More, unfortunately, that is often family. People deserve to be happy. That is something I believe in full heartedly. If that's going to Oxford to get your Masters degree, I say go for it. If it can't be right now because you can't afford it wait and go back in a few years. My boyfriend's dad didn't get a degree and his dream job until he was in his late 40's. People do things at different paces and that is okay. However, You can't take back what is already done. If the application fees have already been paid, I say keep trying to figure out a solution until it's time to make a concrete decision as to whether you are going to Oxford or wait. Keep applying to scholarships. If the school you got your degree from doesn't offer career counseling, see if Oxford does or visit the financial office. I am a little bit confused with how you said in a reply that you were born here but are an international student? I would think there would be government financial aid if you were born here. You may actually be able to find a job with a mental health degree that will pay for you to return for your Masters. I would maybe look into government jobs. I wish I knew more about this to offer more advice. You may be able to look up a career counselor online that would offer advice.

Now for the more important stuff. Don't sell yourself short. Graduating with honors is an AMAZING triumph. Not a lot of people can accomplish this and you should be proud of yourself. I do not know you and I'm proud of you. Don't give up on yourself. Going after your dreams does not mean you should be yelled at, belittled or bullied. Sadly, siblings are not always the most supportive people. Siblings are often your best friends and biggest critiques all in one. I am sure neither want you to die. You did not bring this on yourself and it sounds like you are a great daughter. You tried to find a solution yourself and tried to avoid making it their problem. You continue to work to figure out a solution. That's more than a lot of people can say. It sounds like your parents are proud of you. I would try sitting down and talking to them away from your siblings. Try letting them know how you feel and that you don't want to be a burden. You may be able to find a better solution by working together than being torn apart by your siblings. Remember YOU ARE DOING GOOD. You are trying to figure it out like everyone else and will figure it out. Even if you can't go to Oxford now, it isn't giving up in your dreams. It's just a detour in them. BE SAFE. Reach out to help if you need to. Your mental state is important. Take care of it. Letting your mental state deteriorate is going to make figuring things out harder. Talk to someone if you need to. Whether it is a family member, a friend, a therapist or a stranger. I just joined this group but so far everyone seems so loving and kind. I am blown away by the love shown through this forum. You are cared about.
URBeautiful is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
PeachCream22
Member
 
PeachCream22's Avatar
PeachCream22 has no updates.
 
Member Since: Jul 2013
Location: The Happy Place
Posts: 232
10 yr Member
287 hugs
given
Default Jun 03, 2019 at 03:41 AM
  #7
Quote:
Originally Posted by URBeautiful View Post
I'm sorry to hear this. Unfortonently there are a lot of people out there that you just can't win with. More, unfortunately, that is often family. People deserve to be happy. That is something I believe in full heartedly. If that's going to Oxford to get your Masters degree, I say go for it. If it can't be right now because you can't afford it wait and go back in a few years. My boyfriend's dad didn't get a degree and his dream job until he was in his late 40's. People do things at different paces and that is okay. However, You can't take back what is already done. If the application fees have already been paid, I say keep trying to figure out a solution until it's time to make a concrete decision as to whether you are going to Oxford or wait. Keep applying to scholarships. If the school you got your degree from doesn't offer career counseling, see if Oxford does or visit the financial office. I am a little bit confused with how you said in a reply that you were born here but are an international student? I would think there would be government financial aid if you were born here. You may actually be able to find a job with a mental health degree that will pay for you to return for your Masters. I would maybe look into government jobs. I wish I knew more about this to offer more advice. You may be able to look up a career counselor online that would offer advice.

Now for the more important stuff. Don't sell yourself short. Graduating with honors is an AMAZING triumph. Not a lot of people can accomplish this and you should be proud of yourself. I do not know you and I'm proud of you. Don't give up on yourself. Going after your dreams does not mean you should be yelled at, belittled or bullied. Sadly, siblings are not always the most supportive people. Siblings are often your best friends and biggest critiques all in one. I am sure neither want you to die. You did not bring this on yourself and it sounds like you are a great daughter. You tried to find a solution yourself and tried to avoid making it their problem. You continue to work to figure out a solution. That's more than a lot of people can say. It sounds like your parents are proud of you. I would try sitting down and talking to them away from your siblings. Try letting them know how you feel and that you don't want to be a burden. You may be able to find a better solution by working together than being torn apart by your siblings. Remember YOU ARE DOING GOOD. You are trying to figure it out like everyone else and will figure it out. Even if you can't go to Oxford now, it isn't giving up in your dreams. It's just a detour in them. BE SAFE. Reach out to help if you need to. Your mental state is important. Take care of it. Letting your mental state deteriorate is going to make figuring things out harder. Talk to someone if you need to. Whether it is a family member, a friend, a therapist or a stranger. I just joined this group but so far everyone seems so loving and kind. I am blown away by the love shown through this forum. You are cared about.
Thank you for such a lovely reply. I greatly appreciate your kind words.

Oh, just to clarify, I'm not born in the UK, nor any other western countries. I'm born in an Asian country, I won't say where cause I'm a bit paranoid since this is a public forum. I can't afford to fly to Oxford before my course starts, unfortunately, to visit. I would love to though.

Currently, I am still trying to apply for financial aid, but I am slowly trying to let go of the Oxford dream. It hurts a lot, but it gets better each day. Some days are ok, but some are not. I try toremind myself my family is in this situation because of ME. They are trying to HELP me. it is US against the problem, not US against each other. My family will be discussing loan options tonight, not sure how that'll turn out. I'll update here.

On a side note for my mental health, I also might be breaking up with my bf, due to reasons that are beyond either of our control (think religion, culture, and family) although we have absolutely no issues with each other. Right now I'm in a phase of, just pure hurt and pain. I'm so down in the dumps, I have to look up to see the down. The good thing is, if smtg tries to push me down, I'm already there. So I can't hurt anymore. My mental state is just empty now. No suicide thoughts. People around me tell me to aim high and work hard, but have no expectations. If that is how we should live life, I'm not sure if I want to live it. All I can do is just appreciate the little things, and be grateful for what I have.

Thanks again @URBeautiful
PeachCream22 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Kbaker17
Junior Member
Kbaker17 has no updates.
 
Member Since: May 2019
Location: Ohio
Posts: 11
3 yr Member
14 hugs
given
Default Jun 06, 2019 at 12:58 PM
  #8
I am so sorry you have to go through this! I am currently going to college to get my degree, and I had to take out loans. Since you got your degree paid for, I would say go for it and take the loans out, it will all be okay. As far as coping with the family goes, that's a very hard situation, because you live with them. I would maybe apologize for causing such trouble to them, and just tell them how you will take loans out, and maybe some time will make it a little better. I hope everything gets better for you!
Kbaker17 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
All times are GMT -5. The time now is 02:44 PM.
Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.



 

My Support Forums

My Support Forums is the online community that was originally begun as the Psych Central Forums in 2001. It now runs as an independent self-help support group community for mental health, personality, and psychological issues and is overseen by a group of dedicated, caring volunteers from around the world.

 

Helplines and Lifelines

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider.

Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.