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May 28, 2019 at 02:24 PM
#1
My former narc abuser would over-do it with her words, telling me how special I am in her life, holding a permanent place. Then she would ask me for favors in between those exaggerated expressions. And I would find out she didn't invite me to events that all the important people in her life came to. Or if I get invited, it is at last minute to fill in a cancellation. Eventually, I learned that her words are disingenuous, and for the purpose of getting me to do things for her.
So when she tried to hoover me again recently, I didn't return her expression of affection but just remained polite and distant (what is there to return if it is fake? I also don't want her to think that her hoovering is working). Now, I am labelled as being "cold." I know that I don't need to waste my energy on proving to her that I am "not a cold person." And I won't. But internally, there is a part of me that want to defend myself. Can anyone else relate to saying, "Who cares what s/he thinks" but still being bothered inside by what s/he thinks? |
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May 29, 2019 at 08:14 AM
#2
I don't have experience with narcissists - but I'm familar with worrying about what authority figures think, even when I tell myself I'm an adult and can make my own life decisions. I often struggle with having enough confidence in myself to prevent people's opinions/thoughts getting to me.
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May 29, 2019 at 09:42 AM
#3
Quote:
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May 29, 2019 at 09:53 AM
#4
That’s how these kind of people act and you are doing the right thing for yourself. They will never stop and be true or respectful no matter what you do.
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May 29, 2019 at 02:17 PM
#5
I COMPLETELY relate to what you've just wrote, ennie!
  I DO believe that what you're describing is a VERY HUMAN behavior! I COMPLETELY agree with what all the other wise, wonderful posters have already wisely said better than I ever could! Just try NOT to pay attention to her and to what he says! That's how her manipulation works!  You HAVE VALUE ! Don't let other people's comments get to you!  We're here for you if you need ANY KIND OF SUPPORT! I PROMISE YOU ALL OF THAT BECAUSE IT IS TRUE! PLEASE REMEMBER ALL OF THAT AS MUCH AS YOU POSSIBLY CAN BECAUSE IT IS TRUE! WISH YOU GOOD LUCK! Let us know how things are going for you! WE ALL CARE ABOUT YOU! THAT'S A PROMISE! Take GREAT car eof yourself! Sending many kind, safe, sweet, warm and WONDERFUL hugs to you, ennie, JUST LIKE YOU ARE!
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May 29, 2019 at 03:21 PM
#6
Oh yes. I have to work on this exact thing. I’m getting better at not allowing myself to be sucked back in. This does get a bit easier with time... and age...
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May 30, 2019 at 01:45 PM
#7
(((((((((( ennie ))))))))))
 I had a very charming but somewhat abusive friend. I’m putting “somewhat” abusive for reasons of “political correctness” ...  This was a long term friend (irl) I cared about. I relate to .. “who cares what s/he thinks” .. But..... Proving that I’m not an ......... ??? Person to someone who may have a “diagnosis”... I’ve found its not possible ...  Internally, there is a part of me that wants to defend myself.. yes.. With almost zero “formal” knowledge of Psychology I would hazard a guess that this is “normal” and healthy... I’m sorry she appears to be projecting her stuff onto you.. it’s hard to not be hurt at all by this from someone we cared about and somewhat trusted If anything I’m guessing that maybe both of us “care too much” and are not “cold” or any of the other labels tossed out  Much empathy and gentle hugs
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