Nothing but bleak

I don't know where this goes, so if this is the wrong area, please move it.

I have good days and bad, but recently mostly bad. Short version I feel nothing anymore but hopeless. I feel so alone all the time. I even got a dog for companionship and that does help either. I just feel lonely and it's crushing. At 37 I know the odds of any woman wanting a relationship are small to none, but I don't know how to get out of this feeling. I'm looking for a Psychiatrist but I'm not having much luck finding a good one. I simply feel nothing for the future, like it'a already over.

12 hours later and it continues

I'm so sorry you're hurting so much, OR82! Loneliness sure DOES SUCK! I'm not sure if you have ANYONE IRL who may be able to help you, but just know that we're here for you! I'd suggest to try to do something nice for yourself! I t can be something simple like eating something nice, some hobbies or anything like that! What do you like to do in your free time? Perhaps you coul try to do that to alleviate the pain a little bit! Just remember that we're here for you, ok? We're here to care about you and to listen to what you have to say! THAT'S A PROMISE! TAKE GREAT CARE OF YOURSELF! I hope you'll be able to find a good Psychiatrist soon! They're not easy to come bu but THEY ARE THERE! I'm sure you'll find the right one for you! Keep looking! TAKE GREAT CARE OF YOURSELF AND REMEMBER THAT WE CARE ABOUT YOU AS MUCH AS WE POSSIBLY CAN! THAT'S A PROMISE! Sending many AWESOME, kind, safe, sweet, warm, wise and WONDERFUL HUGS TO YOU, OR82, JUST LIKE YOU ARE! PLEASE BELIEVE THAT AS MUCH AS YOU POSSIBLY CAN BECAUSE IT IS TRUE AND YOU KNOW THAT EVEN IF IT'S DEEP DOWN INSIDE YOU!

The loneliness is so crushing. I go to bed early and wake up late on purpose, just so I'm not awake to think. I feel like I can't even function.

I'm the same age as you (37) and I also have a dog at home and live alone...

Bleakness/Hopelessness was a major part of my life experience in my teens and throughout most of my 20's...

I eventually came to experience life-changing internal growth and healing over the course of several years... Now I no longer experience any suffering or feelings of loneliness anymore... I feel whole/complete now - no longer is there any inclination to seek out that once missing 'wholeness/completeness' in another (or through relations with another)... I can have friendships and/or relations with others - but there is no sense of seeking my 'self' in or through those relations... No fears or insecurity associated with those interactions... It's like I am free to experience them or not experience them - and either way it does not affect my self-identity...

What I'm trying to convey is that I can really relate to how you report feeling, based on my life experience... While I was going through it, the feelings and the state I was experiencing for so long absolutely had the impression of being permanent... It had been present for so long it became fused with my 'sense of self' (felt like my identity, or who I was)... That turned out not to be true at all - the feelings and that state of being ultimately had no permanence... And I realized that for so I long had derived my sense of self (identity) from something that wasn't actually 'me' at all... It was just what I was experiencing....

Your physical mind (brain) may be influencing your state of consciousness to believe that the only way to resolve/remedy how you are feeling and the state of being you are experiencing is to somehow control your external circumstances, and/or to look to the 'future' for some set of circumstances that one thinks will alleviate the hurting/suffering being experienced now... This is part of the illusion... It's your internal circumstances that need to be focused on and not external circumstances... Meaning look inwardly for your solution/remedy and not outwardly... Seems unbelievable, but if you sufficiently sort out your internal circumstances - you could then find yourself experiencing the exact same external circumstances that you are right now, only you would no longer experience the hurting/suffering that you are currently do while facing these particular circumstances.

Keep going! What you are experiencing right now is NOT who/what you are - no matter how much it feels like that at times... There is more for you to become aware of and realize - and when this plays out for you, it will completely change your state of consciousness and the state of being that you experience...

~WOLF