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Lexxiiii18
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Unhappy Jun 12, 2019 at 12:24 PM
  #1
About three years ago, my dad's girlfriend got pregnant with my only sibling. I was eighteen at the time and was an only child so to finally get a brother or sister was absolutely amazing. I found out that she was addicted to opiates and was abusing them when she was pregnant with my brother. I did not talk to her the entire pregnancy until the day my brother was born. My dad's girlfriend went into out-patient rehab while she was pregnant, but when she gave birth, she had to have a c-section. I do not know why, but the doctors gave her opiates knowing she was addicted. I still have not talked about the situation with her about abusing drugs with my brother in her stomach. My brother was addicted to a low dose of opiates when he came out and he is turning three soon. I still have not talked to her about how her abuse has affected me and my family. I live with my brother, dad, and her and it eats me up alive that we still haven't talked about the situation. I go to nar-anon to help me with myself and to try and not focus on her but I still don't know how to cope with my feelings about everything. I am starting to become resentful and do not know how to cope with my emotions as the weight continues to get heavier on my shoulders. I need help.
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Default Jun 12, 2019 at 01:06 PM
  #2
I'm so sorry to hear this! I could only imagine the stress that you are going through with having the weight on your shoulders! Family can be some of the most difficult to deal with in your life. I had a little situation come up with my father and he was just going to completely ignore what happened and expect me to just act like it never happened. Finally after two weeks of just silence I finally called him and asked him how could he go on and not say anything? Overall I had to confront him even though he is the older one and the on that caused the problem. It ended up making both of us cry. Overall I just had to gently come out and say something, because if I didn't it would have just weighed on me over time and stressed me out more. In your situation it just seems that everyone else just pushed what happened to the side and you truly care for your little brother and it hurts that no one said anything or even apologized to anyone for anything. My big thing with my father was I was wanting an apology and it made feel like crap that being his daughter had to pretty much call him out and make him. It just me seeing that he didn't care. Overall I just had to call him out, not being angry, just gently saying something to start the conversation.
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Smile Jun 12, 2019 at 03:23 PM
  #3
Here are links to 4 articles, from PC's archives, on the subject of how to start as well as have a difficult conversation plus 1 on the subject of how to talk to someone who always gets defensive & 1 on how to avoid responding defensively:

5 Ways to Prepare for a Difficult Conversation

Tips for Talking About Tough Topics

Effective Conversations About Difficult Issues | The Emotionally Sensitive Person

Uncomfortable Conversations: How to Overcome Awkward Moments | Anger Management

How to Talk to Someone Who Always Gets Defensive

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/anger...-conversation/

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Default Jun 13, 2019 at 06:40 PM
  #4
Sorry you are struggling Lexi. I don't see value in talking to her about the situation. What would it achieve? You can't change or reverse the last three years, right? She's obviously been living with chemical dependence, a powerful force, otherwise she would have quit the opiates before or at the onset of the pregnancy. The docs had to give her something for the pain since a C-section is a surgery....I assume you weren't suggesting they just leave her in agony after cutting her open. That would be medically unethical and illegal. Your current situation and its impact on you sound untenable. Why not move out? You're over 18, right? You could find a place of your own...with a roommate or two if you need help with rent and distance yourself from this person you are unable to accept. You could then see your brother or father or whoever you like separately on your own terms. We cannot change or control other people. We can only change how we respond to them. Peace and hope to you.

Last edited by Anonymous44076; Jun 13, 2019 at 06:52 PM..
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Lexxiiii18
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Default Jun 20, 2019 at 01:29 PM
  #5
I need to talk about the situation with her because I am going to be a social worker and this triggers me. I cannot move out because I pay for my entire college by myself and cannot afford to. I do not suggest they leave her in agony over her c-section but I do think they could have given her something else except opiates because they KNEW she was addicted from the bright yellow wristband she had on. I cannot distance myself from her because then I distance myself from my only sibling. Thank you for your suggestions, but it is not this easy.
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Default Jun 20, 2019 at 03:27 PM
  #6
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lexxiiii18 View Post
I need to talk about the situation with her because I am going to be a social worker and this triggers me. I cannot move out because I pay for my entire college by myself and cannot afford to. I do not suggest they leave her in agony over her c-section but I do think they could have given her something else except opiates because they KNEW she was addicted from the bright yellow wristband she had on. I cannot distance myself from her because then I distance myself from my only sibling. Thank you for your suggestions, but it is not this easy.
Thank you for sharing Lexxiiii. I understand. It sounds very tough and complicated. I wish you and your sibling peace and good health. Take good care of yourself
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Default Jun 20, 2019 at 06:31 PM
  #7
A possibility is to write down things you might or would say to her.

This will help you better identify, understand, and cope with your feelings and with the events that happened, and their effects on your family. It can give a kind of release.

You could write here, in s journal, etc.

You would not be committing yourself to doing anything with what you write down. You would figure that out later. You might just keep it, you could destroy it, you could give it to her, etc. You would have options.
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