Impulsiveness

I got off the online dating sites because I did not want to meet anybody. Then, I went online to a penpal site. Well, I thought I would talk to people for fun and I did.


However, I became impulsive and started to get entangled with men who wanted S&M or affairs although they are married. I put a stop to this nonsense and blocked all of them on skype and this site.


I like one man who I may never meet but we have some common aspects in our background. We are both single with no children, and we just want to have fun while chatting. I don't expect anything from our friendly chitchat.


I was becoming afraid of my entanglement with men who wanted to meet me and see me although they are in another country far, far away. I am not in a situation where I can just meet people and tell them this. However, it does not seem to register so I just let them go by cutting them off. I feel bad about what I did but realized that I cannot become emotionally involved with others who have no concern for my situation.

I was surprised that a penpal site would be a cover for being a dating site. I am glad I stopped my interactions but am not too happy that I could not stop it sooner.

I am glad I found someone to chat with and am glad we are so far away that we may never meet unless we move mountains. I really wanted to find a female language partner but this site seems to be riddled with people who are seeking dates.

I am lonely at times and just want to chat with people. However, it becomes a problem when my impulsiveness takes over and I can't realize at that point that men just want to see some naked body parts which should not be displayed in public. I am a ham sometimes and like attention but know that acting impulsively without realizing the consequences is not good for my illness and my mental stability. Thus, I am glad I stopped this nonsense and requested only female language partners. However, now nobody is messaging me which is ok but it is rather a stark difference from before. Oh well! I want to control my impulsiveness but it is always in hindsight that I realize I acted impulsively. The shot I am receiving helps but does not help with my judgment nor my behavior when I feel irrational. It is always a battle.

Since I am married, I rarely message any men on here. Though sometimes my imagination/anxiety says there could be women I talk to that are really men posing as women.

I have a lot of trouble with impulsively sharing too many personal details about my life. I have changed my username (deleted an account) three times. I get embarrassed about things I have said on posts or PMs. I have finally stopped PM'ing TMI about myself. In the past, I have impulsively PM'ed way too much making myself a pest--I think I have gotten this under control too! I am sharing less about my family than I used to but there is room for improvement. Still not having much success with keeping personal details about my life to myself. I understand what it is like to get carried away on a sharing platform. I have days where my self control is so lacking--perhaps I need to retire on a mountain without any internet connections and live on self-generated electricity (it is very limited when you live like that) so that I am unable to get myself into any trouble.

Don't feel bad about cutting online ties. Feel proud that you are doing what you need to do in order to keep safe and stable.

Well, I'm trying to remain stable and still recovering from my psychotic episode. It is not easy. I am trying to avoid any type of stress that could make me manic or psychotic. However, there is a need I have to reach out to others still. I am basically all alone but with my family. My family unfortunately does not listen to my problems. So, I feel alone when I have them. I am doing ok now. I know I should have not interacted with men who just want to use me for kicks. I am old enough and experienced enough to know when others want to take advantage of me. It is a sad world out there besides me. For some reason women whom I have contacted have not responded yet. It is ok. I just wanted to practice my new language. I will be ok. I am glad the medication is working to some extent. Otherwise, I would have may be met men whom I did not want to meet. I don't want to waste my time and their time if there is no interest between us. I am a loner and am to some extent happy as a loner. It's just that at times I want to talk to others besides my family and reach out online. I am happy that this site is available. If not, I have no opportunity to vent.

When you say "this site," do you mean here at PC? Or the pen pal site?

Yes, be proud of yourself for ending contact with those guys. Loneliness is hard. So your behavour makes sense. But be proud of yourself for being strong. Maybe try a different site to practice your language. Have you considered meeting ppl in real life? Or is that one of the things you're trying to avoid due to mania and psychosis?

This site is in reference to the pen pal site. I wish I could meet people in person. However, my family thinks it is not wise. I have a very dysfunctional family. My mother is not diagnosed but I believe she is bipolar with paranoid tendencies. I love her dearly but she is paranoid about people and believes it is best for me to avoid everybody although this is not technically possible. I was independent in another country but became psychotic recently and returned home. I am waiting to move back to the country I came from to work again after I become more stable. I am highly educated and have good credentials. However, my illness tends to worsen every three to five years. This time I am on the shot and am hoping it works out for the best. I am improving but with my given situation, I think it is wise to just be alone for awhile. Thank you for your reply!

I have been in your shoes. In fact i am quite alone and starting over. I am not bipolar, however i don't think you have to be to feel similar to the way you may be at times.
Trying to meet new people and make small talk can be frightening. I hope things become better for you. I know loneliness. I was lonely even when i was with someone. It's hard for me to talk to people, but it's not impossible. Take care of yourself.