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NeedHelp104
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Member Since: May 2017
Location: Los Angeles
Posts: 98
5 yr Member
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Default Jun 12, 2019 at 07:25 PM
  #1
I am a 22-year old male with no friends, no social life, no girlfriend, no interests or hobbies, all I do is study for school and I've been chronically depressed for many years. I am convinced now that I will probably never be completely happy with life. I cry almost every other night and I have no therapist because she left. I am in an academic program, and everyone else in my program is happy, not depressed, has a significant other, while I am here struggling with stupid basic things and how to cheer myself up. I have no interest in almost anything, and I have to force myself to do things and I've given up doing that. Everyone around here is excited about watching x,y,z, and I am just sad I don't have that motivation or excitement. I miss being a child and not having to deal with these type of emotions---most agonizing form of suffering I have experienced in my life. I am crying as I type this---I just want to be happy. That's all. I hear from elderly people and people much older than me that living in my twenties will be the prime of my life and I just can't relate.

Depression has caused me to gain so much weight, sleep a lot, lose motivation, concentration. I wish I knew someone who suffered from depression so I could relate for once. People in my program are nice to me, but they ask about my personal life: "So what do you do? Any girlfriend?" And I am here left speechless, because I find it so hard to enjoy doing anything, being content with myself, and opening myself up to others. It's incredibly embarrassing.

My parents don't understand. No one close to me will ever understand, I think. I'm incredibly jealous of those who have happy lives---things they wanted to come true, on vacations, whatever. Even enjoy going to the gym---because I can't do that.

Sorry guys. I'm just really upset. I want to be normal. I want to live life. I am just struggling so much achieving this.
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Default Jun 12, 2019 at 09:42 PM
  #2
Hello NeedHelp104. I am so sorry you're suffering. I live with depression myself, it's getting better over time but can be really tough some days. You first need to take some slow, deep breaths. Keep breathing slowly and deeply. It's okay. It's okay that you are depressed. I get depressed too.

I am a 22-year old male with no friends, no social life, no girlfriend, no interests or hobbies, all I do is study for school and I've been chronically depressed for many years. I am convinced now that I will probably never be completely happy with life.

Anyone without a social life and connections who studied all the time would be depressed too. You are NOT abnormal or incapable of being happy. You are currently depressed because you have not yet built the life you want. And you're only 22 so there's plenty of time to get there. That's not easy to do but can be done. Your depression is a guide. It's a response to your current environment. Indicating that this is not the life you want, so you need to build a different life. That will take time and support. Are you open to talking to a new therapist? Where did the other go? Many offer phone or Skype therapy.

What are you studying? That's one interest, right? Have you heard of Meet-Ups? There are lots of them. Not dating. Just nice, low-pressure ways to meet new friends. All sorts of options.

Do you have a job? Even a few hours a week to focus on something other than studies? Sometimes that can be a way to make a few friends especially if it's a light, non-professional, part-time job. Or a volunteer opportunity?

I wish I knew someone who suffered from depression so I could relate for once.
What about a support group? Any in your area?

I am convinced now that I will probably never be completely happy with life.
That's a very serious statement (and actually quite dangerous) to make at age 22. Be careful about self-fulfilling prophecies. I am in my 30s and I can tell you that NOBODY is completely happy in life. Happiness is episodic. If someone were happy every moment of the day or eve, they'd be manic....likely high on some sort of hallucinogenic substance. Life is hard for all of us. it brings pain and sorrow and loss and confusion. It can bring happiness too but not all the time and not "completely."

You need to let go of that delusion as a starting point. Any human who expects to be completely happy all the time is guaranteed to feel miserable. What you need is to create some joy for yourself each day. You can start very small. A hot shower, a favorite beverage, a soft blanket, an act of kindness for someone else etc.

You are comparing yourself to others a lot. That's also a path to misery. We are each on our own path. It doesn't matter if you don't have a gf or don't like the TV shows that many like. I don't like them either. People go on about The Bachelorette etc and I have absolutely nothing to say. That doesn't mean I can't be happy...just means that I don't enjoy vapid reality TV.

I hear from elderly people and people much older than me that living in my twenties will be the prime of my life and I just can't relate.
People say all sorts of things which aren't true. Some people enjoy their 20s. Some don't. My 20s were quite rough. My 30s are better. I think my 40s will be even better because I keep working to change my life.

You really need to get some exercise. That's a really important way of elevating your mood. Did you know that your body does not produce sufficient dopamine if you don't move much? Dopamine is really important for a good mood. You don't have to enjoy the gym. I hate gyms. Just get yourself a pair of comfortable shoes and start walking outdoors. Start with 5 or 10 minute walk in daylight. Start small. Build from there. All movement counts. If you don't feel like going outside, just run in place in your living room or walk around and around your apartment. Seriously. When you move more, your mind will respond. It's all connected. Not a miraculous cure but part of the whole picture for living a happier life.

Important things to tell yourself now:
I can be happy.
Happiness doesn't happen on it's own. I need to create it.
My efforts aren't going the way I'd like right now....I'm going to find some help from a therapist to build the happy life I want.

I believe in you. You also need to believe in yourself and find a kind and supportive therapist. Rome wasn't built in a day. Think of building a happy life in small increments. Bit by bit. Breathe. Breathe again. Slowly and deeply. Have you ever tried meditating? Research-based method for relieving depression. It helps me. I can send you some options if you life. Take good care of yourself. The future does not have to be the same as your present.
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Default Jun 12, 2019 at 09:53 PM
  #3
I hope this brings you some comfort right now. The first time I watched it I was feeling severely depressed. It really helped me. Feel free to lmk what you think.

How To Stop Feeling Depressed - Instant Relief From Depression
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Default Jun 12, 2019 at 09:55 PM
  #4
You do need friends. We all do! That will come in time. Try this for comfort in the meantime....

How To Stop Feeling Lacking and Worried About Being Single (Stop Feeling Lonely)
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