How do you cope with envy?

Jun 21, 2019 at 01:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by divine1966

You mean you don’t do any of that???? No drunk dancing with bears???

You're thinking of northern Wisconsin.

Jun 21, 2019 at 01:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by theoretical

Firstly, why do you believe that you'll never be in a relationship?

Secondly, what exactly do you want help with? How to handle envy? Or finding a practical solution to get what you desire?

I have created a separate topic for solution to get what I desire, and I explained there why I don't believe I can find anybody.

What's the wrongest thing about me among the things, describing what's wrong with me?

So, yeah, I'd like to know how to handle envy until I magically solve all of the impediments for finding a GF. Because I can't even talk with a friend about his relationship, it hurts me so much.

Jun 21, 2019 at 02:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KuzMax

So, yeah, I'd like to know how to handle envy until I magically solve all of the impediments for finding a GF. Because I can't even talk with a friend about his relationship, it hurts me so much.

Honestly, I think this goes a little deeper than simple envy or wanting a girlfriend.

Either way, focus on what steps are needed for you to achieve whatever it is that you desire. For example, you desire to find a girlfriend. What can you do today to work toward becoming a person that a girl would like to date? Maybe that's working on your conversation skills or your physique. Maybe that's finding a hobby that you enjoy and getting good at it (after all, most people find partners in hobbies that they both enjoy). Maybe it's all three.

Keep a journal. Compare yourself to who you were yesterday, a week ago, two months ago.

Jun 21, 2019 at 02:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by theoretical

Honestly, I think this goes a little deeper than simple envy or wanting a girlfriend.

Either way, focus on what steps are needed for you to achieve whatever it is that you desire. For example, you desire to find a girlfriend. What can you do today to work toward becoming a person that a girl would like to date? Maybe that's working on your conversation skills or your physique. Maybe that's finding a hobby that you enjoy and getting good at it (after all, most people find partners in hobbies that they both enjoy). Maybe it's all three.

Keep a journal. Compare yourself to who you were yesterday, a week ago, two months ago.

I can't work because of my mental illness, and I can't lose weight because of my mental illness.

Most of girls keep saying to me that I'm too fat for them. However, before they get known about this fact, I feel some interest in me

The only woman outside my family I talk to nearly everyday, she's lesbian. So, again, no girl really wants me. And I've got some friends, so I don't feel like the problem is about communication.

Maybe it's totally OK to feel depressed about the fact you're being rejected by the opposite sex, because that's about survival of my bloodline. So that's how my brains' supposed to stimulate me to find a way out of it. But it only makes me think about suicide, so controversial...

Jun 21, 2019 at 02:58 PM

Yeah, I know what you're all thinking about. Another annoying guy who's whining about loneliness... There're so many others who struggle with the same problem, and don't find answers for years and decades...

Jun 21, 2019 at 03:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KuzMax

I can't work because of my mental illness, and I can't lose weight because of my mental illness.

Why does your mental illness prevent you from losing weight?

Either way, it seems your mental illness is the first barrier. So don't focus on getting a girlfriend. Focus on learning to cope with your mental illness.

This isn't going to be easy, especially if you can't find a therapist, and I don't want to give the impression that I'm trivializing this issue. But I think you need to focus on this first, and take things one step at a time. Otherwise, you're going to get overwhelmed, and then just give up.

Jun 21, 2019 at 03:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by theoretical

Why does your mental illness prevent you from losing weight?

Either way, it seems your mental illness is the first barrier. So don't focus on getting a girlfriend. Focus on learning to cope with your mental illness.

This isn't going to be easy, especially if you can't find a therapist, and I don't want to give the impression that I'm trivializing this issue. But I think you need to focus on this first, and take things one step at a time. Otherwise, you're going to get overwhelmed, and then just give up.

I'd like to find a person who understands me. It really helps other people. Ask anybody with MI here, who has pair, they'll answer that being single is much harder.

Think about it this way. Mental illness makes people suffer. Loneliness makes people suffer. You don't need to have 'A's on math to conclude that mental illness plus loneliness makes people suffer even more

I want to find solution for at least one of these problems. The problem is, that nothing seems to be able to get resolved.

That's why I decided to adapt. If I can't resolve my global problems, I'll start resolving small ones, like feeling envy, anger, etc. And someday will be able to, at least, work, so my parents don't have to feed me on their money.

Jun 21, 2019 at 03:53 PM

Forgot to answer, that my mental illness is getting worse each time I'm trying to keep a diet, or do some sports, so that's why I can't lose weight

Jun 21, 2019 at 04:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KuzMax

I'd like to find a person who understands me. It really helps other people. Ask anybody with MI here, who has pair, they'll answer that being single is much harder.

Think about it this way. Mental illness makes people suffer. Loneliness makes people suffer. You don't need to have 'A's on math to conclude that mental illness plus loneliness makes people suffer even more

We all seek to be understood, even me. That's understandable.

A romantic relationship, however, is another thing entirely. There's no guarantee that it'll make you happier. There's a very good chance that it will make you more miserable. Relationships are a lot of work and can be extremely stressful, and it requires you to have a lot of skills that you don't currently possess.

It's a lot more complicated than simple math. Allow me to use a better analogy. Relationships are a lot like swimming. It can be enjoyable, even therapeutic and good for your overall health. But if you dive into the ocean without knowing how to swim, you're going to drown.

That's why I decided to adapt. If I can't resolve my global problems, I'll start resolving small ones, like feeling envy, anger, etc.

It's good that you're looking at the smaller problems, but feeling envy or anger is not a small problem that's easily resolved.

Forgot to answer, that my mental illness is getting worse each time I'm trying to keep a diet, or do some sports, so that's why I can't lose weight.

Why is that?

Jun 21, 2019 at 04:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by theoretical

We all seek to be understood, even me. That's understandable.

A romantic relationship, however, is another thing entirely. There's no guarantee that it'll make you happier. There's a very good chance that it will make you more miserable. Relationships are a lot of work and can be extremely stressful, and it requires you to have a lot of skills that you don't currently possess.

It's a lot more complicated than simple math. Allow me to use a better analogy. Relationships are a lot like swimming. It can be enjoyable, even therapeutic and good for your overall health. But if you dive into the ocean without knowing how to swim, you're going to drown.

That's why I decided to adapt. If I can't resolve my global problems, I'll start resolving small ones, like feeling envy, anger, etc.

It's good that you're looking at the smaller problems, but feeling envy or anger is not a small problem that's easily resolved.

Forgot to answer, that my mental illness is getting worse each time I'm trying to keep a diet, or do some sports, so that's why I can't lose weight.

Why is that?

> It's a lot more complicated than simple math. Allow me to use a better analogy. Relationships are a lot like swimming. It can be enjoyable, even therapeutic and good for your overall health. But if you dive into the ocean without knowing how to swim, you're going to drown.

Yeah, but if I've never been in water, how on earth can I learn how to swim?

Jun 21, 2019 at 04:31 PM

That makes no sense. You say that I'm bad in relationships even though I've never had any chance to be in there. Even I don't know for myself, how good I am. How do you know it for sure?

Jun 21, 2019 at 04:34 PM

Yeah, you know, now I understand that my question about envy and other is so stupid. It's like you're on thirst, and you seek for solution to cope with it, instead of just drinking some water. That's impossible. No one can, that will be painful in any way.

Jun 21, 2019 at 04:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KuzMax

That makes no sense. You say that I'm bad in relationships even though I've never had any chance to be in there. Even I don't know for myself, how good I am. How do you know it for sure?

I surmised it from earlier posts in this thread and your general demeanor.

Jun 21, 2019 at 04:53 PM

You know, Thomas Edison in his school was told that he's too stupid to learn anything. Yet everyone knows the name of the man responsible for inventing the lightbulb. Moreover, I don't think relationships is really a skill that learned by many attempts. Are you single?

Because I talked much to friends who are in relationships, and they don't consider it as a skill, like swimming.

Jun 21, 2019 at 04:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KuzMax

You know, Thomas Edison in his school was told that he's too stupid to learn anything. Yet everyone knows the name of the man responsible for inventing the lightbulb. Moreover, I don't think relationships is really a skill that learned by many attempts. Are you single?

I'm not telling you that you'll never be in a relationship. In fact, it was you who said that.

A relationship is not a skill, but it requires certain skills, which you need to learn those skills if you want to have a successful and happy relationship. Thomas Edison didn't pull a lightbulb out of thin air. He had to work at it for a very long time before he finally succeeded. So yes, you will be in a relationship, but it takes work.

I'm single by choice.

Jun 21, 2019 at 05:01 PM

That's why you don't understand me. Believe me, there are some people who's just not designed to be alone. They suffer alone more than in the worst relationships ever. And I'm among them.

Jun 21, 2019 at 05:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KuzMax

That's why you don't understand me. Believe me, there are some people who's just not designed to be alone. They suffer alone more than in the worst relationships ever. And I'm among them.

How would you know if you've never been in a real relationship?

I think ... and correct me if I'm wrong ... but I think you're seeing a relationship as a solution to your misery. It isn't. It won't make you happy.

And I may not be in a relationship, but I've been in plenty.

Jun 21, 2019 at 05:07 PM

I don't want plenty of relationships. I'm not sure we're talking about the same type of relationships. Can you describe what are you expecting from relationships?

Edit: what you were expecting from relationships, when you were building ones?

05:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KuzMax

I don't want plenty of relationships. I'm not sure we're talking about the same type of relationships. Can you describe what are you expecting from relationships?

Edit: what you were expecting from relationships, when you were building ones?

I didn't imply that you wanted multiple relationships. I only mentioned it to say that I know from experience that merely being in a relationship won't make you happy.

I didn't expect anything.

Edited to add: I'm going to bow out of this conversation for a while. I know you said you wanted purely practical solutions, but you seem to be taking it a little too personally, and I don't want to upset you.

divine1966 · Jun 21, 2019 at 06:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by theoretical

You're thinking of northern Wisconsin.

You guys are killing me. 😂😂😂Was it you dancing with bears I saw in WI?

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Anonymous56790 Guest Posts: n/a	Jun 21, 2019 at 02:58 PM #25 Yeah, I know what you're all thinking about. Another annoying guy who's whining about loneliness... There're so many others who struggle with the same problem, and don't find answers for years and decades...
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Anonymous56790 Guest Posts: n/a	Jun 21, 2019 at 03:53 PM #28 Forgot to answer, that my mental illness is getting worse each time I'm trying to keep a diet, or do some sports, so that's why I can't lose weight
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Anonymous56790 Guest Posts: n/a	Jun 21, 2019 at 04:31 PM #31 That makes no sense. You say that I'm bad in relationships even though I've never had any chance to be in there. Even I don't know for myself, how good I am. How do you know it for sure?
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Anonymous56790 Guest Posts: n/a	Jun 21, 2019 at 04:34 PM #32 Yeah, you know, now I understand that my question about envy and other is so stupid. It's like you're on thirst, and you seek for solution to cope with it, instead of just drinking some water. That's impossible. No one can, that will be painful in any way.
	Reply With Quote

Anonymous56790 Guest Posts: n/a	Jun 21, 2019 at 05:01 PM #36 That's why you don't understand me. Believe me, there are some people who's just not designed to be alone. They suffer alone more than in the worst relationships ever. And I'm among them.
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Anonymous56790 Guest Posts: n/a	Jun 21, 2019 at 05:07 PM #38 I don't want plenty of relationships. I'm not sure we're talking about the same type of relationships. Can you describe what are you expecting from relationships? Edit: what you were expecting from relationships, when you were building ones?
	Reply With Quote