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Fuzzybear
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Question Jun 24, 2019 at 09:00 AM
  #1
I’m at a loss as to how to let go of anger and resentment towards those who have intentionally harmed me, or those who have lashed out at me multiple times, face to face, in text messages and so forth. None of these people have taken any responsibility for their behaviour. None of them have taken any responsibility for the vicious and at times violent words they have used towards me.

I do not often lash out at others. When I do I feel guilty and want to make amends.

Does anyone have any suggestions as to how I can overcome what seems to me like justified anger and resentment towards people who have no respect for me.

(This is not about anyone on pc)

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Default Jun 24, 2019 at 11:31 AM
  #2
This is a tough one, and it can be a heavy weight to bear. I'm sorry to hear you're suffering in this way. As someone once told me, "Bitterness is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die." It sounds like you have been very hurt in the past, and for that, I offer my condolences.

Some advice I would offer is to examine the root of why you reacted the way that you did in these scenarios - what was is it particularly that made you so upset? What is it that you wanted from them that you felt you didn't receive? What would you have wanted them to say/do if you could have controlled the situation? As you self-reflect, I recommend acknowledging the feelings and thoughts that come up and be aware of the sensations of your breath and heart rate. This may at least help you become more aware of what's going on in your heart and mind, which may lead to you being able to address the problem at it's core. I hope you're able to find peace and comfort soon.
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Default Jun 24, 2019 at 11:37 AM
  #3
Quote:
Originally Posted by Fuzzybear View Post
I’m at a loss as to how to let go of anger and resentment.
Seems to be a lot of that going around lately.

Quote:
None of these people have taken any responsibility for their behaviour.
Is it really necessary for them to take responsibility for the harm they caused you in order for you to stop being angry? What if they never do? They'll continue on merrily with their lives, and you'll never move on from it. You're effectively handing over control to them.

Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured. -Twain.
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Default Jun 24, 2019 at 12:50 PM
  #4
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Originally Posted by vesseloflove View Post
This is a tough one, and it can be a heavy weight to bear. I'm sorry to hear you're suffering in this way. As someone once told me, "Bitterness is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die." It sounds like you have been very hurt in the past, and for that, I offer my condolences.

Some advice I would offer is to examine the root of why you reacted the way that you did in these scenarios - what was is it particularly that made you so upset? What is it that you wanted from them that you felt you didn't receive? What would you have wanted them to say/do if you could have controlled the situation? As you self-reflect, I recommend acknowledging the feelings and thoughts that come up and be aware of the sensations of your breath and heart rate. This may at least help you become more aware of what's going on in your heart and mind, which may lead to you being able to address the problem at it's core. I hope you're able to find peace and comfort soon.
Thank you for your response. You ask some good questions and this response is helpful to me

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Default Jun 24, 2019 at 01:50 PM
  #5
I have to talk myself through the anger and I have to just get completely away from that person. Getting away from the person helps me a lot but that’s not always possible... How to let go of .....
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Default Jun 26, 2019 at 09:12 AM
  #6
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Thank you for your response. You ask some good questions and this response is helpful to me
I'm glad it was helpful to you! Please keep us updated as you can/want to <3
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Default Jun 26, 2019 at 10:38 AM
  #7
When we feel angry, it is easy to assume that it is a negative trait. Justified anger is our body letting us know we have been violated in some way.

I try to own the right to be angry, if I can identify how I am feeling. Interrupting my emotions and recognising them is hard for me.

I made these notes from a You tube video, JP Sears. (he does funny and serious video's) Look at those under the title "Healing."
YouTube

Dealing with anger healthily

Anger is feeling, emotionally charged, out of control because of shame, violation or fear. It is a symptomatic emotion.
Notice your anger. Is it aggressive or passive? Am I imploding? Or do I feel indifferent to my anger?
Accept your anger.
Don’t deny it or it will grow becoming unhealthy.
Don’t dwell on it, experience it via dissociation.
Feel it, experience it and what drives it.
We are all kids in adult bodies.
Nurture your inner child!
Rescue your inner child by thinking or doing what you enjoyed as a child. What food did you like?
Help yourself through your childhood problems. What would I say to her? Don’t reject her or make her a victim.
Create life experiences in a healthy way.
Deal with the shame, fear or violation.
Create positive affirmations. “I will not be violated again. I will look after and nurture myself. I will surround myself with good people. I care about me.”
Anger leaves us feeling we are not enough to control a situation.
Go from lack of control to taking control.
Address any shame, fear, lack of control and violation. “I am taking control of my life now. I will look after myself and give me what I need. I am angry about the way I have been treated in the past. The past can’t be changed. My future will be different because I am taking control now.”
Feel any tension in my body, contract muscles and then let them relax. Shaking can help.
You can get through this!
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Default Jun 27, 2019 at 10:31 PM
  #8
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Originally Posted by Fuzzybear View Post

Does anyone have any suggestions as to how I can overcome what seems to me like justified anger and resentment towards people who have no respect for me.

(This is not about anyone on pc)
Taking a deep breath helps.

And for me, a gratitude that she is no longer an active part of my life does help a bit.

She is still a distant part of my life, unfortunately. And there are triggering events that bring up the past. I am still processing.

But the fact that I don't need to receive abuse on a daily basis from her, does bring a little bit of a sense of relief.

I don't know if that's helpful....if not, you know as always, HUGS,
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