What IS IT with people?!

So today I'm cleaning out my mother's apartment of more junk (she's already in the nursing home) and came across a painting my cousin did. So, I messaged him on Facebook asking him where he wants me to drop it off.

Now, he and his wife have been married for 6 years and have never invited me to their house for any reason at all during this time. A few times he and I have argued about why he doesn't like me and so I've accepted that and respect his boundaries.

That said, when you ask "hey I have this of yours, where do you want me to put it?" the response is usually "oh, you can bring it over anytime and leave it" to other variations on that theme. But with my cousin? Just a lot of ********.

Instead of something like "well you can drop it off at my work or my house or my mom's place (my aunt) or my siblings place (he has 5), he messaged back "I have to go to a meeting in 2 hours I'll get back to you." Just utter ******** response.

So, I was prepared to trash his painting b/c frankly it's ugly anyway. But I let my anger get the best of me so I responded, "You know, most normal people would just respond that i could drop it off at their place, but we both know you don't want me near your house or you would have invited me there a long time ago." So he responded, "What the --. Since you have a time crunch, just trash the paining."

He should have just told me to throw his painting away from the start.

I think it's funny that he tries to gaslight me, when I bring up the ugly truth that he doesn't like me but he acts like he does on Facebook (fake). I'm direct too, and mince no words when it comes to MY boundaries. And if people -- even family -- don't like that, well too bad. Why should I change to accommodate someone else? That is not how I want to relate to people -- to act like a doormat so that others don't feel awkward.

Why do you think this response is ********?

Because he doesn't need 2 hours to tell me where to bring his painting. That's why his answer is full of baloney.

Huh. I read his message as: "I'm not going to be home to receive it; I'll let you know when I'm back from the meeting."

No, that's not what his message said. If he had written that in plain words that would be different, showing that he respects my time and my feelings. That is the crux of the dynamic between this cousin and myself; he has never respected my feelings or my time.

I am not a monster. I'm not going to throw out someone's artwork until I ask them if they want it or not. His weakness is his sense of entitlement and his refusal to respect other people's time and feelings.

He gaslights by not being respectful. All he had to do was write, "My schedule will be crazy this weekend with my wife out of town. But I will be home at such and such time, so you can drop it off then." But he won't do that b/c he doesn't respect me or my time, and accuses me of escalating when I call him out on gaslighting me, which is what gaslighters do...deflect and accuse.

I also read it this way.

Blanche, I'm not denying that you have a bad relationship with this cousin or that he is a fake, superficial person. But I have noticed in some of your accounts recently that perhaps the stress right now is causing you to maybe read into things or react more aggressively?

What do I know. I mean I'm not there. If you say it was ******** then you know better than us. But it may be good to slow down responses for a bit to give yourself time to process. Just a thought. Meant kindly and bc I want you to do well.

Rather, I didn't read any negative intentions or ill-will in his message. At worst, it seemed a bit short, and maybe you could say that's a bit rude.

To be honest, the way you use the term "gaslighting" so casually concerns me. Not only here, but in a few of your other posts as well. I'm hoping you just don't understand what the term means, because it's a serious accusation that I wouldn't throw around lightly.