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Default Jul 07, 2019 at 01:44 PM
  #1
I feel inferior to others and this makes me feel depressed, and not able to improve to be better. I have been unemployed for 3 years in the last 5, and currently I am struggling to find a job and financially and mentally broke, while the people who studied with me and who were at the same level as me at one time now they are doing much better, at least financially. I know I need to stop comparing myself to others and believe in myself to do something, but I always go back to the idea that I am a failure and I feel inferior compared to the people I once knew. What is worse, is I asked for their help by suggesting me some vacancies they know of, and all just ignored me. So, they now know I am a failure, an idea that makes me feel worse.
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Default Jul 09, 2019 at 12:13 AM
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What is worse, is I asked for their help by suggesting me some vacancies they know of, and all just ignored me. So, they now know I am a failure, an idea that makes me feel worse.
You are actually doing the proactive thing by asking your contacts about vacancies.

Kudos to you for not giving up for three years, where most people would have.

You are certainly not a quitter nor inferior.
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Default Jul 09, 2019 at 03:40 AM
  #3
Have you ever had therapy to work through this issue?

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Default Jul 09, 2019 at 04:18 AM
  #4
Please don't give up, @Nxious! I know things seem REALLY hard now but I'm sure you can make. Like ennie has said, you did a GOOD thing by asking for possible vacancies to your "friends". That means that you're TRYING which is GREAT! Keep trying! I hope you'll be able to find a job soon. Please keep looking as much as you can. I'd suggest a therapist as well like sarahsweets has already wisely suggested, but you've said that you're broke right now so that may be difficult. Keep looking! Are there any services in your city or near it that can help unemployed people? Just asking! Try to get ALL the help you can get. Are there any family members that may help you financially? If there are, try to ask them perhaps. Keep us updated on your situation and let us know how it goes and if you find something. Sending many safe, warm hugs and many happy and positive vibes to you, Nxious, and to ALL the people you Love and who TRULY Love you and Accept you for who you TRULY are!
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Default Jul 09, 2019 at 04:21 AM
  #5
There is nothing inferior about asking for help. I'm not sure where you live, but in the US you could check the unemployment office near you and see about more job training. There may also be non-profits that could help you. I'm sorry you feel this way, but don't give up.
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Default Jul 09, 2019 at 07:01 PM
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I am actually a quitter and emotionally and mentally weak, and that's what has led me to this situation in the first place, where I'm doing much worse financially than the people I studied with. Asking for help is OK when the people you are asking help from are considerate and understanding and give you some positive feedback, even if they don't refer or point you to any direction, but when they bluntly ignore you and stop responding to you, it's humiliating and re-enforce the inferiority feeling.

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Default Jul 10, 2019 at 12:04 AM
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Originally Posted by Nxious View Post
Asking for help is OK when the people you are asking help from are considerate and understanding and give you some positive feedback, even if they don't refer or point you to any direction, but when they bluntly ignore you and stop responding to you, it's humiliating and re-enforce the inferiority feeling.
I'm so sorry to hear these people are not helpful. Some people don't understand the hardship of others until they walk in your shoes.

For further employment search, I agree with downandlonely that you can go to a local employment agency.

To work out your feelings, I agree with Sarah and Mickey that you can go to a therapist.

I'm glad you reached out to us on PC. Hope something will turn out for you.
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Default Jul 12, 2019 at 01:45 PM
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Originally Posted by Nxious View Post
I am actually a quitter and emotionally and mentally weak, and that's what has led me to this situation in the first place, where I'm doing much worse financially than the people I studied with. Asking for help is OK when the people you are asking help from are considerate and understanding and give you some positive feedback, even if they don't refer or point you to any direction, but when they bluntly ignore you and stop responding to you, it's humiliating and re-enforce the inferiority feeling.
I've been where you are -- multiple times throughout my life -- and I can sense that you are treading water as far as what direction to go now that you're through with your studies. That is totally normal -- to feel rudderless, without direction, wondering, "what now?" Angst. It's the worst feeling.

I doubt that you are a quitter who is mentally weak. I KNOW mentally weak people, and they are superficial and could care less about their impact on the world, b/c they just want to make money and be popular and important and will step on whomever they can step on, to achieve their success.

I think you are quite intelligent, but are held back by self-doubt and by the lack of resources specifically meant to help you flourish. Whether that be therapy, or a creative outlet, or a hobby. By not pursuing something -- a job, a hobby, a philosophy, friendships, etc. -- you are in essence, treading water, waiting, which is not good for you. I've treaded plenty of "water" and lost out on opportunities that would have given me great success and happiness career-wise, socially-wise, spiritually-wise.

It can be very frustrating when you are an intelligent person who has -- for whatever reason -- found themselves "disconnected" from resources, people, experiences, opportunities because that will cause you to flounder. I've been there and it creates a vicious circle of overthinking and distorted thinking.

There's a TON of books you could get from your local library about finding your direction. They involve doing self-assessment of your interests, etc.,. your values, etc. and they are meant to help you narrow down who you are, what your interests are, and ways you can pursue those interests that will make you happier. One book that comes to mind, is an oldie but goodie, "What Color Is Your Parachute."

Also, do informational interviews with people in the industries that interest you. Just have a conversation with them about their line of work, the path they took, and ask them for advice for your situation. Go talk to your community center about classes that you could take that may interest you. Or, join a freelance website (there's a ton of those) to do different kinds of jobs online (virtual assistant, customer service, data entry, admin support, freelance write, digital marketing, copywriting, you name it...).

It SUCKS being unemployed. It can really mess with your self-esteem, distort your view of the world, and make you feel like giving up. But don't let it. I know you've been jobless for 3 years, but you can turn that around. You can. I'm there right now. But I'm keeping myself optimistic between pessimistic moments, by reaching out to all the resources i can think of, to help me figure out my path, while i continue to apply for jobs.

Pick one thing as your goal to accomplish for the day, or for the week and focus only on doing that. Try that for a while and see how if it helps you at all.
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Default Jul 24, 2019 at 02:37 PM
  #9
Still struggling a lot with the idea that I am behind my peers in my career. Few hours ago I opened a book to start reading because crying all day long won't change anything, but I still haven't read a word. All I was thinking I am a failure and will never be able to find a job, and how all the people I know abandoned me and no longer recognize me. It's very painful. I am depressed, fractured, angry, and bitter. From myself and from the world. I have tried everything I could, but to no avail. I feel people are happy with me failing because this makes them feel successful, as I feel as a failure when I see them successful in their careers!! I have been stuck in this cycle for years, and still not being able to break free!!
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