FAQ/Help |
Calendar |
Search |
Poohbah
Member Since Nov 2017
Location: Europe
Posts: 1,417
6 1,603 hugs
given |
#1
I'm asking this question here because I'm not interested in spiritual solutions such as work with energy or chakras.
Is there a "normal" psychological, rational or physical way to block one's empathy? What I mean is feeling emotions and moods of other people as if they were my own. Please DO NOT MENTION ENERGY OR CHAKRAS. Thank you :-) __________________ Complex trauma Highly sensitive person I love nature, simplicity and minimalism |
Reply With Quote |
Guest
Posts: n/a
|
#2
Perhaps building up resilience to one's own feelings?
|
Reply With Quote |
WishfulThinker66
|
Poohbah
Member Since Nov 2017
Location: Europe
Posts: 1,417
6 1,603 hugs
given |
#3
__________________ Complex trauma Highly sensitive person I love nature, simplicity and minimalism |
Reply With Quote |
Veteran Member
Member Since Mar 2019
Location: USA
Posts: 540
5 55 hugs
given |
#4
I can’t say I ever feel other people’s emotions. I more typically understand them intellectually and via recalling my own similar experiences. I do nothing to be this way, it is natural and have always been as far as I remember. I don’t even really comprehend how one person can feel someone else’s emotions in the moment when they are not in the same state/situation other than relating via own memory. If it is about memory of own past experiences, maybe some conscious control to shift focus and thoughts to something else?
|
Reply With Quote |
Always in This Twilight
Member Since Feb 2015
Location: US
Posts: 20,735
(SuperPoster!)
9 74.9k hugs
given |
#5
It sounds like you may be an empath (which one particular author calls a "highly sensitive person"). I have some similar abilities/issues, where it feels like I take on another person's emotions at times. This was often an issue with my mother-in-law, who has bad anxiety. I also have anxiety issues, and it can sometimes feel like I would feed off of her anxiety and make my own worse. She's gotten hers more under control now (therapy and meds), so it has less of an impact. But I also can often sense when someone is sad, even when others might not notice (this has been confirmed by asking them), which I feel can be a positive thing at times, because it can lead to my being more caring or sensitive to them. Picking up on my H's anger or stress isn't so good... I haven't yet figured out the best way to handle this (well, with MIL, I used to just limit time spent around her). But just wanted to give you the terms "empath" and "highly sensitive person" to help you search for possible solutions.
|
Reply With Quote |
seeker33
|
Grand Magnate
Member Since Nov 2010
Location: Crimson cattery
Posts: 3,512
13 3,133 hugs
given |
#6
When you feel the emotion ask where is it coming from, if the answer is someone else and there is no connection to you then I would use self talk. Remind yourself that the emotion is not yours and you don’t have to feel it. If it were sadness make a list in your mind of all the things you have to be happy about that day. I would also ask myself though “what is this emotion trying to tell me”. A lot of times when I empathize too much it is because what ever that emotion is in the other person I am not allowing myself to feel. For example they are scared they are going to loose their job and I start feeling scared. Am I worried about loosing my job? No, am I worried about finances? a little but not enough for this reaction, am I scared about a health issue I’ve been having and I don’t want to face it? Yes... OK so my fear that this health issue may be significant is really big and I am not letting myself feel it. So, now my emotions are using that persons fear to release an unrelated fear I have but am ignoring.
__________________ There’s been many a crooked path that has landed me here Tired, broken and wearing rags Wild eyed with fear -Blackmoores Night |
Reply With Quote |
seeker33
|
Always in This Twilight
Member Since Feb 2015
Location: US
Posts: 20,735
(SuperPoster!)
9 74.9k hugs
given |
#7
Here are a couple links
Top 10 Traits of an Empath 5 ways sensitive empaths can avoid emotional exhaustion |
Reply With Quote |
seeker33
|
Elder Harridan x-hankster
Member Since Jun 2011
Location: Milan/Michigan
Posts: 39,840
(SuperPoster!)
12 66.3k hugs
given |
#8
"Not my monkeys, not my circus."
Also i liked the books about boundaries by Anne Katherine. |
Reply With Quote |
possum220, seeker33
|
...............
Member Since Sep 2006
Location: in my head
Posts: 2,911
17 8,779 hugs
given |
#9
I'm going to mention energy sorry. Mostly because this is how I understand it and what it looks like for me. Not so much taking on their emotions as much as being blasted at times by the energy that they are throwing out there.
With you, the whole chakras and energy talk annoys me, even though, that is how other people's emotions feel for me. The best thing I have been able to figure out is to minimize exposure, to take frequent breaks when possible. I often find myself using the bathroom to be able to close my eyes and just breath a bit, like trying to shake it off/out of me. I might even find myself flicking my hands like I am literally trying to expel or release it from me. It doesn't take away it completely, it does bring it down some. I can get this feeling from all kinds of emotions, even when people are overly excited (happy). It can be exhausting and difficult for me not to get sucked in. There is some of the reminding myself that it is not mine - it is theirs. And sometimes I'm able to find a neutral peaceful stance around it, at which point I'm almost stoic in the face of turmoil. It is as if I am the calm parent to a toddlers tantrum. That's not to say the other person is having a tantrum. For me it's the energy that is being thrown off is as powerful as a tantrum. I think I do this best when I can clearly stay in the place that none of it is about me, and I'm not taking any of it personal. Not sure if this is helpful and tbh, I'm still trying to figure out a better way of handling it overall. |
Reply With Quote |
possum220, seeker33
|
Grand Poohbah
Member Since Apr 2017
Location: In a land far far away
Posts: 1,574
7 1,304 hugs
given |
#10
I don't really have a lot of empathy for 'random' people, so I can't comment on that, but if I had no empathy at all for a friend, family member or similar that's suffering, that'd be unhealthy. Normally, there's a connection to those people that makes us feel with them.
Having too much of it for those people is something I sometimes struggle with, for me it's mostly related to emotion regulation in general. So maybe looking into regulating the emotions that come up could help. |
Reply With Quote |
seeker33
|
Guest
Posts: n/a
|
#11
Quote:
Don't do this too often or people will think you're an asshole. |
|
Reply With Quote |
seeker33
|
Magnate
Member Since Jun 2018
Location: Canada
Posts: 2,285
5 117 hugs
given |
#12
Seeker33 - I understand you. I suppose I could say I empathize with this.
I empathize with most people and things. It is difficult for instance for me to read news or even things on FB without feeling badly. These forums can be bad too. Particularly difficult is the need to help when I am powerless to do so. One such situation which is really difficult is my weekly support group for Mood Disorders. I hear a lot of difficult stories. I generally come home really wound up and feeling terrible - quite often crying. So what do I do? - I talk about it with my husband. I get it all out. He is really good about centering me and telling me how it is. He is really good about encouraging me to realise that other people's problems aren't my own and discouraging me from the overpowering need to fix them. - I write about these feelings. I put them down on paper. Then I stand back and pretend that I am a friend - what would they tell me about what I am doing? It helps. |
Reply With Quote |
seeker33
|
Magnate
Member Since Oct 2018
Location: California
Posts: 2,025
5 1,520 hugs
given |
#13
Seeker, you are probably familiar with Elaine Aron's books on The Highly Sensitive Person. In at least one of them she describes a technique for fending off these vibes from other people by silently sending out your own message, something like "Sorry, not receiving. Sorry, not receiving now." Something like that. I know that has to do with "vibes" and so forth, but if you know Aron you know she takes a relatively traditional approach to these things. I've used it myself to block ugliness or neediness coming my way when I don't want it. It has the effect of kind of boomeranging that incoming stuff off of you before it can sink in.
Good luck with all this. |
Reply With Quote |
seeker33
|
Poohbah
Member Since Nov 2017
Location: Europe
Posts: 1,417
6 1,603 hugs
given |
#14
Thank you everyone for your kind responses! I'll give your tips a try and see what works for me.
__________________ Complex trauma Highly sensitive person I love nature, simplicity and minimalism |
Reply With Quote |
Reply |
|