What is loneliness?

Thank you. I'm glad you didn't take what I said the wrong way. I've been having a rough day and started worrying I may have come have rude myself.

Diagnoses:
PTSD with Dissociative Symptoms, Borderline Personality Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Fibromyalgia and Chronic Pain

Sounds like you're asking if I'm a sociopath of some sort ... But I'll answer as best as I can:

A) Police - neutral. Useful for society, but I don't want much to do with them personally as I worry about all authority figures.

B) Games, conversation, Internet. Lots of Internet. Hobbies. But mostly I'm just bored and endure it.

C) Nice but arrogant. I don't have much to do with other people, tbh.

D) Object of my affection? I'm not sure what you mean. But if you stole my child there isn't much I wouldn't do ...

Primary psychopath, to be specific. Sociopaths are still capable of bonding. But you're clearly neither, so I wonder if this claim about never experiencing loneliness was some kind of farce.

https://psychcentralforums.com/copin...ml#post6579042

This looks to me a lot like someone who's seeking validation from others, and experiencing loneliness because he's being denied it.

I don't believe I'm involved in a farce here. I honestly don't think I understand what loneliness is, and based on descriptions here I don't have it.

But validation, yes, I desire that. Or, to be more specific, I don't want invalidation or people to treat me meanly. I don't see not experiencing loneliness as mutually exclusive with not wanting people to be mean to me.

It seems that there's some meanness and invalidation in your accusing me of acting out a farce ... Why do that?

I'm simply making an observation, though I've been called far worse than "mean."

And that's kind of my point. I don't experience loneliness at any profound level. Along with that comes a set of behaviors and attitudes. Antisocial behaviors and attitudes, to be specific, which would normally be prevented or mitigated by a desire for human connection. You claim not to experience loneliness, yet you don't behave like someone who's never truly experienced it.

For example, unlike you, I only care about the opinions of others inasmuch as their opinions affect me directly. I don't care if you think that I'm mean, not unless you have something that I want - money, information or sex, usually - and your negative opinion of me prevents me from getting that from you. Likewise, I don't care if people are mean to me. In fact, I often seek out antagonistic relationships because I find them to be more exciting, whereas I find bonding to be pointless and boring. If I needed your approval for some reason (e.g. because you were my boss and I didn't want to get fired), then I'd become someone else. Few people in my life have any idea who I really am. Their validation means nothing to me.

In short, it seems to me like you do experience loneliness, but you're denying that fact to yourself.

Might it be possible to not experience lonely without the other stuff? I don't see why it has to be straight to the idea that I'm somehow deluded or lying, rather than alternative explanations.

The additional problem is that I don't know what loneliness is - hence the thread

I didn't understand it until I was 25. I had this constant pain in my chest. I couldn't work out what it was. Then it was like some-one turned a light on in my brain and made the connection to loneliness. I lived my life in my disconnection mode.

I can overthink things until I am just confused. I wonder if you would find it helpful to put this question to the back of your thoughts for awhile. Loneliness is an emotion. Let your emotions tell you when the time is right.

I can't really argue with that
Though I suspect my sexuality and other mental issues affects this too - after all, I am never alone

I might take your advice and just out this on the back burner for a while. If it's not bothering me it likely doesn't matter.

No. Never feeling lonely is the benefit one gets when they're unable to form bonds. That other stuff is the consequences.

You've already described feelings of loneliness. You stated that you wanted a space for self-expression where you could feel validated and recognized. You're not merely seeking a playmate to alleviate boredom, but a meaningful connection and a sense of belonging. And when you were denied this, you felt saddened. That's exactly what loneliness is.

You may never feel alone, but your lover can't give you validation or recognition.

Hmmm... I think I disagree. But ok.

The feeling of being shunned isn't the same as feeling lonely.

Then what is the feeling of being shunned?

It depends also on who's doing the shunning. I was rather amused when the men's rights activists shunned me.

Ugh, I feel like I should be an expert on loneliness. If only I knew how to stop feeling it. Why don't you teach me how not to be lonely, Pygmalion?

No, loneliness is not the same thing as boredom. Loneliness is a longing to be with someone. It almost feels like a physical pain or an ache, like there's something missing inside of you. Not everyone reacts the same way. I think most people look for support of some kind. Some people try to bury themselves in work or binge on something to fill that emptiness. For me, it's mostly rumination and a desire to contact my ex. I try to find distractions or I force myself to remember all the horrible things he did and said. I've made some friends where I live now, but I miss the deep connection I had with him.

Basically rejection. Which is a criticism of your nature. You can feel lonely and not be rejected, you might just be in another location that the people you need to be with.

Sure, you can feel lonely for a number of different reasons. Broadly speaking, loneliness is a negative emotional response to isolation (note: "a" negative emotional response, not "the only" response). Isolation can result from an inability to communicate with loved ones, or from not having loved ones with whom to communicate. It's typical of lonely people to seek out meaningful connections and to experience sadness until meaningful connections are found. The OP sought out meaningful connections, was denied, and felt sadness as a result.

I dont think that an accurate characterisation, tbh.
I sought out fun interaction and was met with hostility. I can't see what that had to do with loneliness at all, tbh.

Then why does it bother you?

If you're just looking for fun times, join a Meetup group for like kite flying or something.

I have noticed that I get boredom and loneliness confused. I get bored easily and tend to build things in my mind that aren’t even real when I’m bored. I believe the stories I tell myself unless I find constructive things to think about or do.

I feel lonely if I don’t interact with people at all but I also get easily overwhelmed by too much social interaction. It’s a tricky balance.

Why does people being hostile to me bother me? Dunno. I want to be believed, treated well and respected. I don't want people to say nasty things to me. Same as I don't want people to punch me, I guess. But I don't see this as connected to loneliness??

I agree with the first bit. Indeed everything except the 'I get lonely' bit.