Lonely and isolated

I feel really lonely and isolated at the moment - like nobody can understand just how **** things really are.

Briefly here’s what’s going on for me:
1. In a heterosexual relationship, started to question my sexuality about three years ago, came to the conclusion that I’m gay and I’ve been feeling trapped and suffocated ever since.
2. My relationship is also emotionally abusive and I’ve been taking steps to leave over the last six months.
3. My brother died very recently due to an accident. It was completely unexpected.

I met up with some friends yesterday. They are all at such happy places in their lives - first houses, new baby, pregnant, wedding planning, etc. - and I know everyone has their own problems, but I’m not sure that they can comprehend just how horrible things are right now, which isn’t a criticism. And I know people go through worse, but I just feel very alone.

Sounds like you've had a rough go of it lately. Have you tried reaching out to the LGBTQ+ community? It's usually not hard to find a support group in most communities. If you can't find one in your area, there are plenty of options on the internet. Who knows, you might even meet a handsome guy.

Also, take that final step and break up with your girlfriend. Be free again.

Wiggle sorry for the loss of your brother. I'll keep you and your family in my thoughts.

I know it's easy to feel alone when you compare yourself to others -- we're all guilty of the comparison game, I know I do it -- but I understand why you feel alone. In conjunction with rediscovering your true sexual identity, you also decided to put yourself first and leave an emotionally abusive relationship and then your brother is tragically killed in a car accident. That is a LOT for a person to have to emotionally process when it all happens simultaneously. I mean, it's a lot.

The first thing to do, is take the pressure off of yourself to have to tie up all of these experiences neatly and soon. There is NO time limit on processing all 3 of those experiences. Try to take on one thing at a time. Prioritize which one is the most pressing for you to emotionally process. If it is your brother's death, prioritize that first and put #1 and #2 on the back burner.

Also, you need to know that just because your friends 'seem' happy, doesn't mean that they are. People LOVE to put on a good public act with their friends. We live in a society of one-up-man-ship or who is the happiest or has the most. It's all a facade at the end of the day. We're all fighting battles constantly, with ourselves, with each other.

When I lost my dad to cancer I was 21. I had dropped out of college, had no direction, was essentially friendless and doing rather self-destructive things to pass the time. But then, my dad's death spurred me into action to grab the reigns back to my life and I fought tooth and nail to get my life back. I went back to college, graduated with my little brother who was in my graduating class (ah, the humiliation), righted some social wrongs with people, found a place to live, a job and cleaned house as they say of things that weighed me down in my life. Meanwhile, I had prioritized grieving my dad's death so that while I did all of that other stuff, I didn't fall apart. The point of my story is to illustrate that you don't need to, or shouldn't try to, tackle everything at once. It's just not a good idea b/c it will overwhelm you to the point where you could have panic attacks, distorted thoughts about what's really going on, and misconstrue situations and conversations.

I am sorry that you feel very alone. But you're definitely not alone. If you feel comfortable here, on PC, post until you feel better about all 3 of these issues that you feel are weighing you down. If you have someone in real life you can turn to and trust, lean on them too. Grieving your brother's death is important to your well being overall.

And, congratulations on realizing your true sexual identity. Just go with it. The right people will be there for you and support you. Forget about the people who reject you for who you are. They're not worth it. And, I hope you can get away from the person you were in that emotionally abusive relationship with. Do not let them anywhere near you right now. You have much more important things to grapple with.

Take one day at a time. That's all any of us can do.

I'm sorry you're going through all of this, Wiggle118. I wholeheartedly agree with all of StreetcarBlanche's advice, and especially that you take things slowly, one day at a time. I also suggest trying to open up to some of your friends. Yes, they seem happy in their lives now, and they probably are, but that doesn't mean they haven't ever been lonely. They could still be understanding and offer support.

Wiggle 118 ! We are in such similar places! I lost my best friend of 25 year's in February. I ended my 20 year abusive marriage the same month when my husband tried to kill me. I've been experiencing possible sex addiction recently and have been engaging in dangerous situations with multiple men. While we differ in the nature of our sexual awakenings, I too am in unfamiliar territory in an attempt to find who I am. I'm overwhelmed by which issue to tackle first and so feel as though I'm just spinning randomly around them all. I appreciate your post as it makes me feel less alone. I find lonliness unbearable and am sure it is a major contributing factor to my promiscuous behavior.🤗

Streetcar Blanche, thank you so much also. Your advice for Wiggle 118 gave me a bit of perspective on dealing with my own similar situation that I found very helpful.🤗

I hope you're doing ok, @Wiggle118! You haven't posted in a while. I COMPLETELY agree with ALL the other wise, wonderful posters. It seems like you're going through A LOT! Give yourself time to grieve the Loss of your Brother. I am DEEPLY SORRY for what youre going through! DEFINITELY leave your boyfriend/girlfriends if he/she's being abusive to you! Also, be proud of yourself for acknowledging and recognizing your sexuality! That's a HUGE step forwards so CONGRATULATIONS! Be proud of yourself! You're AWESOME! I wonder if seeing a GOOD Therapist may be an option for you right now? It seems like that may REALLY help you! Please DO consider it if you'rer not seeing one already! I also agree with ALL the other wise, wonderful posters' advice about opening up to your friends if you feel like it! If they are TRUE Friends, surely they'll stick by your Side and support you when you need it the most! Do NOT be afraid to speak up to the people you trust! Try to avoid comparisons as well as much as you possibly can! You're a unique individual with your OWN qualities so focus on that, ok? Please be kind to yourself! You're fighting a lot so no need to put MORE pressure on yourself, ok? Be kind to yourself and do what you can, one step at the time, like the other wise, wonderful posters have said! You've got this! I hope talking and venting here to me and ALL the wise, wonderful posters here can be of some help! Feel free to PM me ANYTIME you need! I'm sure ALL the others will gladly listen to you as well! Sending many safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @Wiggle118, your Family, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! PLEASE KEEP FIGHTING AND KEEP ROCKING AS MUCH AS YOU POSSIBLY CAN LIKE YOU'RE ALREADY WONDERFULLY DOING ALL AND ENTIRELY BY YOURSELF!

Also sending manysafe, warm hugs to YOU, @FearandLoathing40, your Family, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! I am DEEPLY SORRY for the Loss of your Friend!