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Old 08-13-2019, 11:03 PM   #1
-jimi-
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Default I don't like waiting when someone might be mad at me

Who does?

Sigh.

I have a friend who I thought was a straight shooter like me, and a lot of the time he is. He complains other people are too complex and don't say things outright.

But now I'm waiting for him to contact me after a sort of misunderstanding. I so wonder if he will just say it is fine, or if we're not friends anymore...

We only go back a few years and he knows I'm not good with birthdays and numbers. Still, AFTER his birthday he complains not many came. I didn't. I wish he had said like "Hey, wanna come to my birthday party?" I mean after fact he's sad about it but I feel he didn't give people a real option. (Like if you really cared, you would overcome your issues with time and numbers... I feel he almost said that.)

I also feel that if I say the slightest thing negative about him, he takes it like everything is negative. It can even be a neutral thing that is good in one context and bad in one.

He also claimed to me (I'm a friend) that he has NO friends.

I don't need perfection from anyone, but it confuses me that he wants straight answers from others while he doesn't feel it is overly complex to act the way he does...

There was something from the start like "If you don't contact me often enough we're not real friends". Maybe I should have run off then.

But part from all this he's a nice and cool person as well that thinks differently than most (ethically), I would miss that in my life.

I wish he was a dog and that I could train him out of those bad habits... because they really makes me on edge.
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Old 08-14-2019, 12:17 AM   #2
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Default Re: I don't like waiting when someone might be mad at me

I know it won't help your anxiety, but the truth is that if your friend dumps you for forgetting his birthday, he's not a good friend to you and I hope you won't feel too bad. It seems to me that he has serious problems with how he communicates and treats people and it is no surprise that he has no friends other than you. He thinks people failed him by not coming to his birthday, but he failed his friends by not inviting them and by demanding too much.

People forget my birthday all the time and I can't remember anyone's birthdays except for 2 of my oldest friends and a few relatives. Normal people don't expect most others to memorize and plan for their birthdays because it's childish and self-centered.

If you really like your friend you might just have to accept that he has some unusual personality flaws and shrug off his unreasonable anger so long as the friendship is making you happy in some way. If your friend makes you feel bad often or uncertain about whether he is still your friend, it may not be worth having someone that selfish taking up your time and emotions. It's possible that you are the only person with enough patience to be his friend and to forgive him for his bad social skills. Whatever happens, remind yourself that it is not your fault that he is angry. Maybe you should be the one questioning whether he is good enough to be your friend. Is he nice to you most of the time? Does he help you when you need it? Does he remember your birthday without being reminded? Does he do or say things to hurt your feelings? Why do you want to stay friends?

Good luck! I hope your ok whichever way it goes.
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Old 08-14-2019, 10:46 PM   #3
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Default Re: I don't like waiting when someone might be mad at me

Quote:
Originally Posted by MrsA View Post
Why do you want to stay friends?

Good luck! I hope your ok whichever way it goes.
Thanx. Cuz he is usually kind (more than others) and helpful (more than others). He is quite sensitive though, and the time I spent with my best friend made me sort of rough around the edges because her and me are actually often quite rough with each other, it is sort of part of our social contract. With him I have to be different and I haven't yet figured out how. I realized that friendly teasing isn't OK with him, and have to accept that. We're both aspies so I don't think good social skills can be asked of any of us...... it is more important that we learn to know each other to be on the same page.

I think others have hurt him in the past so he expects hurt. I think that one is possibly one of the hardest things to deal with in a friend when it comes to mental "illness".

Anyway, he called me and I didn't answer because well I just missed the call. So now I'm afraid it will look like I missed his call on purpose. Argh. I'll give him a ring as soon as it's possible.

Also, this could also be basically nothing, and this extra stuff could be something I'm just imagining, you know...
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Old 08-15-2019, 12:24 AM   #4
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Default Re: I don't like waiting when someone might be mad at me

Im glad he called.

Yeah nowadays with cell phones, people dont believe you when you say you missed their call. Well, pardon me, but my phone never rings. So unless i just ordered a pizza, i do not take it with me all around the house! This is probably why i have never dropped it in the... lets just say never dropped it. And i am probably not going to answer it while the pizza is still hot. I have few enough pleasures in life as it is.
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Old 08-15-2019, 01:39 AM   #5
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Default Re: I don't like waiting when someone might be mad at me

He wasn't at all angry. And also he didn't even question me about not picking up. Funny how I sometimes blow things out of proportion. I have a quite easy time making friends, but after that there are usually a bit of rocky times, it's hard to figure out new people and also I might not always be easy to figure out either. Sometimes people say good for you you can make friends. But it's where trouble starts, LOL. Doesn't mean I'm an expert in keeping friends.
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Old 08-15-2019, 04:27 AM   #6
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Default Re: I don't like waiting when someone might be mad at me

I'm REALLY HAPPY that he wasn't angry and that things went well! Sometimes our anxiety can get the best of us. It's good that you're acknowledging that. KEEP FIGHTING! Sending many safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @-jimi-, your Family, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones!
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Old 08-15-2019, 12:08 PM   #7
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Default Re: I don't like waiting when someone might be mad at me

Thanx.
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Old 08-16-2019, 10:39 PM   #8
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Default Re: I don't like waiting when someone might be mad at me

I'm glad it worked out. you're a good friend.
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Old 08-16-2019, 11:08 PM   #9
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Default Re: I don't like waiting when someone might be mad at me

I can be a good friend, so can he. I just think we BOTH have the tendency to expect bad from people, because we had that stuff in the past. It's hard to forget about.
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