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LiteraryLark
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Default Sep 04, 2019 at 01:58 AM
  #1
So September is generally when I start shopping for Christmas.

But here's the thing. I get very suicidal during the month of Christmas and self-harm, and it's over gift-giving. I slaved over a tremendous amount of gifts for my parents and had a less than enthusiastic reaction to what I got them. In fact, they didn't react very well to most of my gifts. I noticed that over the past five years, since my brother went into the military, that my parents have just not liked what I get them, and each year I try to get creative and get them different things.

To be honest, I really don't want to get my parents anything for Christmas. A couple months ago I offered to pay for Christmas dinner, and they seemed excited about it. But last week, when Christmas presents got brought up again and I reminded them about the Christmas dinner, they seemed hurt that I wouldn't be buying them any presents.

So I don't know what to do. I am hoping that if I don't buy them presents and instead buy them Christmas dinner, it might lessen the suicidal thoughts and the self-harm, but I'm also worried that come Christmas I haven't bought them any presents, it could make the symptoms and the self-harm worse.

What should I do? I'm absolutely torn.

EDIT: Also, gift-giving is not the only reason I get those symptoms, but it's a major trigger. I also suffer from PTSD and December is the peak of major flashbacks for times of trauma that happened around that time. And there's of course the month of the "happy family" and that's not an easy feat as well. If there's drama or fights, they are always amplified over "IT'S CHRISTMAS!"

I also feel particularly lonely during that time. Usually friends are busy with family, and often times I have to go to family functions with really dysfunctional relatives and I feel even lonelier even around a big group of so-called "family". And now that I've moved, my friends are a thousand miles apart so we can't do our little BFF-holiday traditions and I've made no friends since I've moved here.

So the whole month of December is a very, very rough time for me.

Last edited by LiteraryLark; Sep 04, 2019 at 02:11 AM..
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Default Sep 04, 2019 at 10:16 AM
  #2
I hear you, LiteraryLark!! I'd suggest not to stress over those presents too much if you can. Just by them what you can and what you think they'll like. It doesn't have anything too fancy, just something simple! If you're out of ideas, I'd suggest to just ask them what they DO want for Christmas as presents. There's no need to be ashamed of that, ok? Paying for a Christmas Dinner sounds like a MARVELLOUS idea to me! Do that if you want to and ONLY if you want to, of course! Do you feel like your parents' dissatisfaction with the presents you gave them may be only a feeliing you have or do you feel like that's the Truth? Just asking! It IS something to think about for sure. Sometimes our minds can be REALLY powerful in deceiving us and making us believe in things that aren't actually there. Still, if you think thats' the Truth, then I COMPLETELY UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU MEAN! Please be kind to yourself and try to take WONDERFUL care of yourself! Are you getting Therapy right now? Any sort of assistance? I certainly hope so! Anything that can help you, my dear, sweet friend! Feel free to PM me and to reach out to me anytime you need it and you need advice and support, my WISE and WONDERFUL friend! I am SURE plenty of others will also GLADLY and WONDERFULLY help you out! Sending many safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @LiteraryLark, your family, your friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Please do keep fighting and do keep rocking as much as you possibly can like you're already WONDERFULLY DOING ALL AND ENTIRELY ON YOUR OWN AND ALL AND ENTIRELY BY YOURSELF! PLEASE NEVER EVER GIVE UP HOPE, MY AWESOME, BEAUTIFUL, CARING, DEAR, KIND, GENEROUS, KIND, RESOURCEFUL, SWEET, WISE AND WONDERFUL FRIEND!!
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Default Sep 04, 2019 at 01:12 PM
  #3
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Originally Posted by MickeyCheeky View Post
I hear you, LiteraryLark!! I'd suggest not to stress over those presents too much if you can. Just by them what you can and what you think they'll like. It doesn't have anything too fancy, just something simple! If you're out of ideas, I'd suggest to just ask them what they DO want for Christmas as presents. There's no need to be ashamed of that, ok? Paying for a Christmas Dinner sounds like a MARVELLOUS idea to me! Do that if you want to and ONLY if you want to, of course! Do you feel like your parents' dissatisfaction with the presents you gave them may be only a feeliing you have or do you feel like that's the Truth? Just asking! It IS something to think about for sure. Sometimes our minds can be REALLY powerful in deceiving us and making us believe in things that aren't actually there. Still, if you think thats' the Truth, then I COMPLETELY UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU MEAN! Please be kind to yourself and try to take WONDERFUL care of yourself! Are you getting Therapy right now? Any sort of assistance? I certainly hope so! Anything that can help you, my dear, sweet friend! Feel free to PM me and to reach out to me anytime you need it and you need advice and support, my WISE and WONDERFUL friend! I am SURE plenty of others will also GLADLY and WONDERFULLY help you out! Sending many safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @LiteraryLark, your family, your friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Please do keep fighting and do keep rocking as much as you possibly can like you're already WONDERFULLY DOING ALL AND ENTIRELY ON YOUR OWN AND ALL AND ENTIRELY BY YOURSELF! PLEASE NEVER EVER GIVE UP HOPE, MY AWESOME, BEAUTIFUL, CARING, DEAR, KIND, GENEROUS, KIND, RESOURCEFUL, SWEET, WISE AND WONDERFUL FRIEND!!
Thank you Mickey. <333 It's hard to tell what is perceived as dislike or whether it's in my head. Last year truly was the worse. I went WAY over budget and it seemed they really didn't like what I got them. And on top of it, I spent so much on them that I ran out of money before I could get my brother anything. So that really hurt me.

You are so kind, Mickey, with your wonderful words. I truly appreciate it.
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Default Sep 04, 2019 at 01:56 PM
  #4
And I think you are right, Mickey.

I always overdo it on Christmas. Last year was different because it was our first Christmas at our new home and all year we talked about a "BIG" Christmas and "LOTS" of presents, so I went way overboard with all the presents.

And I think you are right, I can still get them something, but I need a new mindset about it. And I'm not sure how to do that. They did say they'd really like more books for Christmas, and where I live they have a library book fair where books are typically 25 cents to 50 cents, so my money would stretch that way and that'd be one thing they truly want. And if they don't like a book, I would have only spent 50 cents on it.

But now I'm curious as to what else I could get them that they would like and appreciate...books are a big one. I am thinking also, I could give them a box or two full of wine picked out by the "wine guy" they like who works at the grocery store they go to and recommends new wine for them to try, and they've been doing that for months now. I believe my parents would appreciate that, especially if I ask them for a list of wine they've tried and liked.

To me, that doesn't seem like a lot. I truly over do it every Christmas. But if I get a dozen or two books, that's a dozen or two books to unwrap plus the two wine boxes to pull out and look at. It may have to be enough...Other things I am thinking about are lotion and soaps from Bath and Body works for my mom, BBQ sauces and accessories for my Dad, and See's Candy for my parents. Yes, that should do it. The See's Candy will be a super Christmas treat because the closest location is an hour and a half away.

Yes, thank you Mickey, you gave me some ideas to brainstorm, and now I feel better. I couldn't possibly get them nothing. But at the same time, I can't go crazy over gift giving and having a simple list will keep me on track. And hopefully, the symptoms won't be so horrible this year.

So, books, wine, Bath and Body works, BBQ stuff, and See's candy. Yep, that seems very doable.
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Default Sep 04, 2019 at 02:03 PM
  #5
Well, it seems like you have everything figured it you so good on you and be proud of yourself! I think those are WONDERFUL gifts. Hopefully they'll appreciate them. And if they don't, you can alway say you've tried. Wish you THE BEST OF LUCK!
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Default Sep 05, 2019 at 12:06 AM
  #6
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Originally Posted by MickeyCheeky View Post
Well, it seems like you have everything figured it you so good on you and be proud of yourself! I think those are WONDERFUL gifts. Hopefully they'll appreciate them. And if they don't, you can alway say you've tried. Wish you THE BEST OF LUCK!
I have a tendency to resolve my issues before anyone else has a chance to provide their input...but you did put me on the right track!

I wrote down a list of gifts for all the birthdays coming up and Christmas for all my loved ones, then wrote down what I'm willing to spend per item.

Also, it wasn't just gifts that concern me come Christmas, it's the other issues I deal with as well, the PTSD and my loneliness, etc.

I had a talk with my mom and she agreed to let me drive down to California to visit my grandparents and my friends during winter break from school.

It was really nice to have all the birthday/Christmas stuff written down because I also made a list of all the foreseen expenses that will come with the trip, hotels, food, mad money, etc. and now I now roughly how much I need to set aside for everything and when.

And seeing my grandparents and my friends in December will really lift my spirits and help with my symptoms.

Thank you very much, Mickey, for your help. It may not seem like you did much, but it was just enough to get the wheels turning and help me figure it out myself. And your kind words are always so special and dear to me and I really appreciate it.
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Default Sep 07, 2019 at 10:13 AM
  #7
LL, I believe that you would do well to pat yourself on the back (or give yourself a big hug ) for making the effort to celebrate Christmas at all, when December presents itself as a challenging month for you.


People can be so unappreciative, or at least it seems that way to me. Too bad for them, isn't it? Seems to me that way too many people go through life half alive.


I absolutely love the autumn, but every year I slam down into a serious depression. By the time it gets to Thanksgiving, Hanukkah, Christmas, my birthday (!), and the New Year holiday I'm just plain begging the universe to relieve my inability to function. It hurts like heck to hear all about friends celebrating, but I'm home all alone...just another day.

Frankly, I'm no fan of the winter holiday season.

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Default Sep 07, 2019 at 01:00 PM
  #8
Thank you, Beth.
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