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PAC1999
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Member Since: Sep 2019
Location: São Paulo
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3 yr Member
Trig Sep 05, 2019 at 10:53 PM
  #1
Hi guys, I was hoping you could help me with whatever mental health problem it is that I have because I have no idea, but my life seems to be getting harder everyday and I’m starting to get suicidal thoughts every now and then. I used to have these thoughts a year ago but I knew in my mind for sure that I was never going to attempt it or anything, I just often wondered if it wouldn’t actually be better for anyone who lives a ****** life with no easy short or even certain way out of it to simply disappear, or at least to never have been born in the first place.
It has only been this semester that I started to get so resentful about everything in my life to the point where this feeling started to get more real. I’ve just been working so hard towards the things that i wanted since the first half of 2017 (after a ****** childhood and pathetic adolescence i actually feel extremely guilty about having had to go through it) and I’ve even made a few goals for my life in the future. I’ve been working towards these things to the point where I was just getting so exausted all the time and through the last 2 and a half years I’ve been able to arrive at a conclusion that I have very little control over my social life and perhaps won’t ever even date anyone.
It simply sucks the life out of me knowing that there are certain things that can’t be changed about who I am or all the stupid things that I’ve done In my life, which often leads my inner critic to call me weak, worthless and pathetic and this is starting to get so overwhelming that I fear this suicidal feeling might start growing up to the point that I just won’t be able to take it anymore.
I’ll never get the courage to talk about this with my parents and I fear I might not even ever be capable of talking about this to my therapist because I’m getting sick of sounding so negative and bringing other people down all the time.

Last edited by bluekoi; Sep 06, 2019 at 10:39 AM.. Reason: Add triggger icon.
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Smile Sep 06, 2019 at 02:59 PM
  #2
Hello PAC: I see this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to Psych Central.

You made reference, in your post, to certain things that can't be changed as well as to stupid things you've done in your life. And you wrote you'll never have the courage to talk about these things with your parents & perhaps not even with your therapist. However you didn't mention what the things are (not that you should... that, of course, is up to you.) But it does make it difficult to know what to suggest here. Anyway... here are links to 5 articles, from Psych Central's archives, that (hopefully) may at least be of some help:

When You Feel Absolutely Awful About Yourself—Regularly

When You Feel Worthless

Breaking Free from the Bonds of Badness

How to Stop Punishing Yourself

How to Survive Suicidal Thoughts

I hope you find PC to be of benefit.

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"I may be older but I am not wise / I'm still a child's grown-up disguise / and I never can tell you what you want to know / You will find out as you go." (from: "A Nightengale's Lullaby" - Julie Last)
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Default Sep 06, 2019 at 04:20 PM
  #3
Welcome, @PAC1999! I am so sorry things are being so hard for you! Please don't be hard on yourself. You're doing EVERYTHING YOU CAN to keep going and you should be proud of yourself for that. Please speak to your therapist about this. They're there to help you! You're not being too negative. You're just doing everything that's in your power to get better. So please, be kind to yourself and try to talk to your therapist about ALL OF THIS! Are you taking any meds at the moment? That may help you. Please do reach out for help in whatever way you can. You are important and you matter. You know that's ABSOLUTELY true! Sending many safe, warm hugs to you and your family and friends, @PAC1999! Feel free to PM me ANYTIME when you need someone to talk to or vent to or even some advice and support! Plenty of others will be glad to help you as well so please don't be afraid of speaking out!

Last edited by MickeyCheeky; Sep 06, 2019 at 04:35 PM..
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