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Grand Magnate
Marylin
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Member Since: Feb 2015
Location: England,UK
Posts: 3,017
863 hugs
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#1
I am alone and afraid that I will be alone forever.It hurts that I have no love in my life no one who centres around me and likes me for me and cares about me cares about my feelings.I have never had that ever never been loved.I figured out to find love you have to be proactive I am just clueless I don't know how to hold a guys interest and not make the typical mistakes that scare them off.I guess I never learnt to navigate a man's world.It feels impossible.I always mess it up.I didn't want to get hurt anymore so I just gave up.But loneliness hurts just as much.Are there any experienced men or women on here can guide me how to find love and keep a man's interest?
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5stacks, Anonymous44430, Anonymous45521, bpcyclist, bpforever1, MickeyCheeky, mote.of.soul, TishaBuv, zapatoes
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MickeyCheeky
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Legendary
TishaBuv
It’s mostly them, and somewhat me.
Member Since: Dec 2014
Location: USA
Posts: 10,122
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#2
I’m sorry you’re hurting, Marylin. Relationships can be painful. Loneliness is painful. I’m not sure I have any good advice for you, but want to give you support.
__________________ "And don't say it hasn't been a little slice of heaven, 'cause it hasn't!" . About Me--T |
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Junior Member
Lavenderlilly
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Member Since: Oct 2019
Location: USA
Posts: 11
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#3
I wish I could give you some pointers, but really I'm in same exact boat. If you find anything out let me know!! This might sound silly but it helps me, I have a cat and though it might not sound like much, having a pet around has helped me feel not as lonely, it's something to take care of, something that relies on you and my cat is extremely loyal and loving. And cats are cleaner than most men lol
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Wise Elder
winter4me
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Member Since: Dec 2012
Location: new england
Posts: 7,733
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#4
Not that I always follow my own advice but it sounds like you might be more comfortable starting with a group of people with similar interests vs one on one with someone you want to love you---nurture yourself and be active as you can (eg: meetup groups for walking, going to dinner/social events that will provide company and shared activities without the pressure of facing imminent intimacy or hopes of being exclusively cared for...I have noticed as I age that the small things shared or experienced are often the most treasured memories.
__________________ "...don't say Home / the bones of that word mend slowly...' marie harris |
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Legendary Wise Elder
divine1966
Tired!!!
Member Since: Dec 2014
Location: US
Posts: 22,304
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#5
Two of my good girlfriends have never been married and have not had serious relationships for like 20 years or more. They fill their lives with other stuff like friends and hobbies and volunteering and family activity and career and exercise and animals and nature etc etc etc I know and understand pain of wanting love and not finding it but there are other things that bring people pleasure and enjoyment.
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bpcyclist, MickeyCheeky
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Junior Member
SirHabit
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Member Since: Oct 2019
Location: Milwaukee
Posts: 19
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#6
Quote:
Last edited by SirHabit; Oct 05, 2019 at 02:17 PM.. |
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MickeyCheeky
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bpcyclist, MickeyCheeky, unaluna
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Junior Member
SirHabit
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Member Since: Oct 2019
Location: Milwaukee
Posts: 19
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#7
Quote:
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MickeyCheeky
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MickeyCheeky
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Magnate
bpforever1
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Member Since: Aug 2017
Location: earth
Posts: 2,063
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#8
Well, I'm doing well with my man for now. If the op wants to ask me questions, go ahead. I've know my man for two years now.
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MickeyCheeky
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MickeyCheeky
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Magnate
Aviza
Calm
Member Since: Jan 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 2,456
86 hugs
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#9
What do you offer a man? I read your post you want someone to take care of you, that turns men off. They want someone to take care of them. So you have to have a mutual caring relationship. You have to think about what you bring to a relationship.
__________________ Son: 14, 12/15/2009 R.I.P. Daughter: 20 Diagnosis: Bipolar with Psychosis. Latuda 100 mgs. |
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MickeyCheeky
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MickeyCheeky
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Anonymous44430
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#10
i understand how you feel. I agree with the other replies on an intellectual level but know you cannot turn off emotions like being needy if you are
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Grand Magnate
nicoleflynn
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Member Since: Jan 2012
Location: rochester, michigan
Posts: 3,111
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#11
The way to get others (men and women) interested in you, is if YOU show interest in them....Simplistic, but true. Ask questions about them, and you can begin a dialogue that will lead to friendship and more.
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MickeyCheeky
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MickeyCheeky
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Legendary
MickeyCheeky
My echo is the only voice coming back
Member Since: Jun 2016
Location: Italy
Posts: 11,817
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#12
I am TRULY, DEEPLY SORRY for the pain and the Loneliness you're experiencing, that you're HURTING AND STRUGGLING SO BADLY, that you're FEELING SO MUCH LONELY, THAT YOU'RE FEELING REALLY, REALLY, REALLY, REALLY, REALLY LONELY AND THAT YOU'RE GOING THROUGH ALL OF THIS ALL AND ENTIRELY BY YOURSELF AND ALL AND ENTIRELY ON YOUR OWN NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, @Marylin! I TRULY, REALLY AM! PLEASE NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER GIVE UP HOPE NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS AND PLEASE NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER LET ALL AND ANY OF THIS BRING YOU DOWN IN ANY WAY, SHAPE, FORM OR METHOD! I COMPLETELY AGREE WITH ALL AND EVERYTHING THAT ALL AND EVERYONE OF THE OTHER AWESOME, CARING, DEAR, SMART, INTELLIGENT, WISE, BEAUTIFUL, KIND, SAGE AND WONDERFUL POSTERS HAVE ALREADY GLADLY, CARINGLY, DEARLY, SMARTLY, INTELLIGENTLY, WISELY, BEAUTIFULLY, KINDLY, SAGELY AND WONDERFULLY SAID BETTER THAN I POSSIBLY EVER COULD IN MY ENTIRE AND WHOLE LIFE! My advice is not really focused on how to get a Man, as I am not really sure about that either myself unfortunately! I DO believe that ALL Men are different and most likely like different things, so perhaps you should try to focus on what kind of Man do you want in your Life first perhaps? Perhaps more importantly, though, My Advice would be to focus on YOURSELF for a little bit and perhaps start making some Friends first if you're not already doing it Yourself! Making Friends will help you Gain some more Confidence, will Improve your Self-Esteem, will Help you to Develop your Social Skills and will Enlarge the Amount of People that You Can Get To Know! So Please, definitely focus on YOURSELF and on MAKING AS MANY FRIENDS AS YOU POSSIBLY CAN and Hopefully, with Time, you'll get to know a Man for You that will become your Partner for Life! I'd also suggest to reach out to a Therapist or to a Pdoc if you cana nd want to! I fell like that may REALLY, REALLY, REALLY, REALLY, REALLY HELP YOU OUT A LOT! Sending many safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @Marylin, your Family, your Friends, your Therapists, your Pdocs and ALL of your Loved Ones! KEEP FIGHTING AND KEEP ROCKING! I AM TRULY, DEEPLY SORRY FOR WHAT YOU'RE GOING THROUGH AND THAT YOU'RE HURTING AND STRUGGLING SO BADLY! I TRULY, REALLY AM! PLEASE NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER GIVE UP HOPE NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK? KEEP FIGHTING AND KEEP ROCKING AS MUCH AS YOU POSSIBLY CAN LIKE YOU'RE ALREADY WONDERFULLY DOING ALL AND ENTIRELY BY YOURSELF AND ALL AND ENTIRELY ON YOUR OWN NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?
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Marylin
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Legendary Wise Elder
Community Liaison
~Christina
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Member Since: Jul 2011
Location: Tennessee
Posts: 22,450
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#13
I don’t know if you have a Therapist but I think working on this in a therapy setting would help you in many levels.
Sure we all need to learn how to love ourselves because I do feel it’s true a relationship will likely fall apart if it’s off balance. There are some men and women that see someone starving for attention, affection and love as a target unfortunately. So I think learning in therapy about red flags is very important. You can also learn how to pick up on clues that someone is interested. Also of course is learning what a healthy relationship actually looks like. Trust me it’s not like in romance novels or movies. Relationships take work from day one. It’s like having a garden it needs tended too. Obviously you have to put yourself out there physically and mentally. Many couples meet through mutual friends, meet ups might be a source of finding someone looking for a relationship also. I met my first husband the old fashioned way in a bar !! lol !!! he was a musician. Then I met my second husband back in the hay day of chat rooms online, it was a group of people from our area.. 17 years together now Now a days ? There are many dating sites you might try. Yes they cost money but it weeds out a lot of people just wanting a “ hook up only” it’s to me an investment for yourself. Maybe a life coach could help you navigate into dating and help you determine if there is a healthy relationship starting. Hundreds of years ago men married women out of duty and to be the “great protector and provider” and for having children to carry on there name. . This just doesn’t happen much in the modern world. There are some men that have “Prince charming syndrome” and want to swoop in and take care of someone, but any I have seen eventually crumble. A relationship needs balance, one can not take take take out of a neediness. Mutual respect love and same goals I feel are needed for a long lasting stable love. As with anything in life it takes work whether it be physical or mental. I think you just need an idea where to start and learn how healthy relationship are built. Don’t give up.. good luck __________________ Helping others gets me out of my own head ~ |
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Seahound
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Seahound
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Member Since: Oct 2019
Location: Texas
Posts: 36
5 hugs
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#14
It's cliche, but how can you love someone if you don't love yourself? This is where I'm at right now .
Do you love yourself? Are you comfortable expressing yourself ? Are you secure enough to know what you want and what you're expecting in return without selling out your happiness just to be in a relationship? I've been in a relationship for a long time that probably should have never made it this long. We both brought our baggage in and settled for mediocrity. You bring yourself with you wherever you go. We like to say a relationship is 50-50 but sometimes it needs to be 60/40 or 70/30 but it should all even out most of the time. Take it from someone who has compromised and watched their partner compromise happiness for the sake of " being in a relationship, " it can make you more unfulfilled. My wife and I could split tomorrow and I know I would have no desire to jump into another relationship because I am not where I need to be . I am growing but it would not be fair to a new partner to bring my insecure self to start this process over again. Seahound |
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Member
5stacks
Of regret
Member Since: Aug 2019
Location: Birmingham, Uk
Posts: 171
60 hugs
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#15
I don't have any advice but I feel the same way.
__________________ "Life swings like a pendulum backward and forward between pain and boredom" "The more the universe seems comprehensible, the more it seems pointless." |
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Grand Magnate
Marylin
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Member Since: Feb 2015
Location: England,UK
Posts: 3,017
863 hugs
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#16
Thank you all for your replies all very sound advice. Sorry for the long delay in replying, my computer broke down and I only just got a new one and am able to get back online.
Its wonderful to have support from guys like you! |
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Seahound
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