I'm so mad at having to do all the work

I'm just so mad at the unfairness of my family business that I can't concentrate on work. We really need money so I am working overtime and my hands are literally bloody from work. My sister/business partner does as little as possible and gets nasty when asked to help out. She's the one who holds the purse strings and constantly rages about not having enough money. But she gets angry when there is work to be done that will earn money.

So I'm on a rushed schedule because she wants things done tomorrow and she is supposed to help out. But she decides to take my cute little dog for a walk instead of working. She never helps to look after the dog. Never feeds her or cleans up after her. She doesn't even clean up after he own dog so while I'm soending hours wiping her dog's pee off everything in the house she goes on walks with my little dog and pretends she's a great dog owner for walking a dog. I want to have time to go out and play with my own dogs, but I have to clean her dog's mess instesd because it stinks and the entire interior of the house and all the stuff we use are sticky and brown with dried dog pee.

I'm just so pissed that her laziness prevents me having a decent place to live or time to do things I like. If I stop cleaning it gets so bad that the house smells like sewage. Once I stopped washing her dishes for a few weeks and the kitchen sink was full of rotting garbage like you couldn't imagine. So I have no choices but to try to keep the house clean while she goes out to have fun away from her own mess.

So I'm just really mad. There's a ton of work to be done or we cant pay the bills but I want to stop working. I'm tired of earning the money while she controls everything. I make all the products we sell but she is so lazy she makes me pack th e big items so all she has to do is slap a label on the box and take all the money. I'm really good at my job but I'm broke because she mismanages everything. I really wish she would die so I can enjoy my work and get paid for it instead of being sruck in this perpetual slavery. I hate having to live on a filthy house that she won't help clean hut if I don't work today we won't even have this hovel to live in. I keep fantasizing that she will die in an accident and I will finally be able to get the house clean and keep it clean and not have to tidy up after a horrible slob who leaves dog poop in plain sight and get angry when asked to wipe up her own dogs pee which he drizzles all over the house. I don't want to work in these conditions but I have no choice. I just keep thinking my life would be perfect if she wasn't here. All the days I could have enjoyed working in peace instesd of listening to a narcissist rage and scream about how much she hates having to work.

Sorry about the anger. I just really needes to vent or I'll go around smashing things out of frustration.

Hey @MrsA you say she manages the money, where does the money go? In an account? Is this a business you have with your whole family or just her? If she wont let you have access to the money have you considered filing a lawsuit to force her to allow you access/ownership? I know that is extreme but if you had your own money you could control how its spent including where she gets to live. What kind of legal agreement is there about the business?

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Originally Posted by MrsA I'm just so mad at the unfairness of my family business that I can't concentrate on work. We really need money so I am working overtime and my hands are literally bloody from work. My sister/business partner does as little as possible and gets nasty when asked to help out. She's the one who holds the purse strings and constantly rages about not having enough money. But she gets angry when there is work to be done that will earn money. So I'm on a rushed schedule because she wants things done tomorrow and she is supposed to help out. But she decides to take my cute little dog for a walk instead of working. She never helps to look after the dog. Never feeds her or cleans up after her. She doesn't even clean up after he own dog so while I'm soending hours wiping her dog's pee off everything in the house she goes on walks with my little dog and pretends she's a great dog owner for walking a dog. I want to have time to go out and play with my own dogs, but I have to clean her dog's mess instesd because it stinks and the entire interior of the house and all the stuff we use are sticky and brown with dried dog pee. I'm just so pissed that her laziness prevents me having a decent place to live or time to do things I like. If I stop cleaning it gets so bad that the house smells like sewage. Once I stopped washing her dishes for a few weeks and the kitchen sink was full of rotting garbage like you couldn't imagine. So I have no choices but to try to keep the house clean while she goes out to have fun away from her own mess. So I'm just really mad. There's a ton of work to be done or we cant pay the bills but I want to stop working. I'm tired of earning the money while she controls everything. I make all the products we sell but she is so lazy she makes me pack th e big items so all she has to do is slap a label on the box and take all the money. I'm really good at my job but I'm broke because she mismanages everything. I really wish she would die so I can enjoy my work and get paid for it instead of being sruck in this perpetual slavery. I hate having to live on a filthy house that she won't help clean hut if I don't work today we won't even have this hovel to live in. I keep fantasizing that she will die in an accident and I will finally be able to get the house clean and keep it clean and not have to tidy up after a horrible slob who leaves dog poop in plain sight and get angry when asked to wipe up her own dogs pee which he drizzles all over the house. I don't want to work in these conditions but I have no choice. I just keep thinking my life would be perfect if she wasn't here. All the days I could have enjoyed working in peace instesd of listening to a narcissist rage and scream about how much she hates having to work. Sorry about the anger. I just really needes to vent or I'll go around smashing things out of frustration.

Not entirely sure what the exact relationship business and personal is with your sister. Why does she control the purse strings, if you're the one making all the products? Have you signed any kind of a non-compete? What's keeping you from bailing on her and doing your own thing? And what about the living arrangements? Is there any possible way for you in the future to maybe get your own place? It sounds like you feel trapped and that is not a good place to be. The solution to this is always action.

The other thing is, I am not, nor have I ever been, in law enforcement. But I strongly recommend that you not share your preference for your sister's demise with anyone. In particular, don't put it in writing, voicemails, or any sort of email or text. Better to just keep those feeling to yourself. You don't want to create a big potential headache for yourself somewhere down the line.

We didn't have it down in writing. We were both working for minimal wage and sharing a cheap 1 bedroom apartment when my sister persuaded me to turn my hobby into a business. We just liived off the income as it came in. Since we had shared everything since being orphaned, I trusted her to share everything 50/50 with me. I really thought she was an honest person despite the bullying which seemed like immaturity back then.

I didn't realize how bad her mental condition was until she got her own dog for the first time. It destroyed the beautiful house we were able to buy after our business took off. The dog is aggressive and bites as well. And in her 30s she got much nastier and by the time I realized she was not honest, she had control of everything and my credit was ruined. So that's where I am right now.

Now that the house is dirty and in disrepair, my sister accusses me of forcing her to move here. She doesn't clean and then claims to be a victim of a defective house. I suppose there's no point talking to someone like that. Ill see if I get up the courage to call legal aid. I was just thinking before I saw your recommendation whether I could sneak off and make a phone call without being overheard.

Thanks for the caution. The thoughts started about five years ago when she attacked viciously me over something trivial and I realized I had no way out. It always starts with me thinking of suicide and then realizing it's not fair when I'm not the one going around attacking people.

The problem is that my name is on the mortgage and a lot of debt. We owe a lot on an expensive car (our only vehicle) that she insisted we needed for the business. We bought these things together when the business was thriving but now she is trying to force me to give up on our plans after the money is spent and we are near bankruptcy. She still spends extravagantly on new business ventures and then quits before they are finished.

I used to believe we could earn enough to live seperately eventually but things went downhill last year when some emergancies put us in deep debt. My sister deals with money troubles by attacking me and even disrupting the business so things got worse and worse. And she got nastier the more we got into debt, refusing to help with the work and swearing and yelling around me when I'm trying to work. Since I realized my sister was not honest I managed to get a few necessities for myself such as a computer and tried to hide away money online to eventually get away. I haven't succeeded yet.

I tend to think of death whenever I try to find a way out and fail. The thing that make me think of it is her recklessness. She tends to take risks and refuse to follow safety rules. Our family has always had horses and she developed a bizarre habit of doing something that was likely to make a horse fall on top of her (she can't see the danger even when told not to do it). Recently, she gave a violent stalker our home address and we had several months of trouble over that. She has lost control of the car several times by impulsive swerving. I actually constantly worry she will get me killed and I grew up worrying about her safety but I decided if she wants to risk her own life I will not waste emotion mourning her. I just try to stay vigilent to avoid being killed by the accidents she frequently causes. The life time of worrying that led to these thoughts do sem like a form of OCD to me. But don't worry. I'm too sensible to commit any crimes. I will try to regain control of my feelings though.

Home - Legal Aid Center of Southern Nevada
I suggest you look into what legal business rights you have, It doesnt matter if there is nothing written or no plan. There is something called implied rights that can help protect you.

You absolutely must see a lawyer--pronto.

Yes. I started looking for a pro bono lawyer today since I don't have any money. I will akso wait until she goes out for something that will take a long time so I can have privacy to call legal aid and find out what options I have for pursuing legal remedies. Does anyone know if you can you delete phone calls from your phone records? I never tried it before so I don't know.

I also thought of another way to deal with the mess. I think if she throws something on the floor after she uses it, I should put it away out of sight and not tell her where it is. That way I'm not living with her mess or catering to her needs. I have spent months trying to clear the hallway in the hopes of being able to safely carry my disabled dog outside for exercise. Decluttering means I have to wipe her dog's dried urine and sometimes poop off things like tools and household items and launder clothing and bedding that are soiled with fecal matter. I was starting to make progress when my sister tossed a vacuum cleaner out of her room and spilt some stuff on the floor. I think I will put everything away where she can't find it. She will scream and curse when she needs things, but at least that will make it take longer for these items to end up back on the floor.

I never heard of implied rights. Thanks you for giving me an avenue to look into.

I really think you need to get out of that apartment and get away from your sister. Just because people are family doesn’t mean they are good people and doesn’t mean they need to be in our lives. I’m really sorry you’re going through this. You should benefit from your own hard work so I completely agree with the advice of others that you get an attorney.

The more you focus on marketing the business to more people, the less you have to do yourself. If you are bringing in enough new business, then you can hire another to do all the work.

Phone records in the modern age are basically forever, so don't bother. I am glad you are taking some steps to try and improve the home situation. I agree with the above that you must get your self out of that house as soon as humanly possible. It sounds like your sister is almost a hoarder. That's a whole other level of complication. I am so very sorry you are facing all this. It must seem overwhelming.

But you can do it. Just keep plugging away. You'll get there. I am really pulling for you!! Take care of yourself!!

Just an update. I did talk to someone and it seems I don't have enough to take my sister to court over this. Because I manage to avoid serious injury from her dangerous behaviors I can't go after her for nearly killing me a few times. And her being nasty, leaving dog pee everywhere, and being a bully about money is considered only a family dispute.

I have decided to take more control over the business now that I realized she's been managing it like someone with a mental illness. She has driven us to the point of bankruptcy by investing in a series of new ideas that she gets excited about and then abandons before the projects are finished. I think knowing these behaviors are the result of mental illness has made me see thing more clearly.

Things have also been less nasty since I last posted. I think the change in my persoective changed the dynamics a bit. So right now I'm working overtime to get the bills paid and I'm going to stop her destroying the business. I think she is disrupting the business to spite me because the brand is my life's work and she only stopped the destructive behavior when things got so bad thst we might not have a place to live in a few months time.

I think the only way to avoid losing everything is to push on with the projects she invested our money on and finish them. I realized yesterday that if I say I will do the work without her and take all the credit, she will come along cursing and ranting but at least the work will get done. I remembered that in our 20s she would follow me angrily when she couldn't stop me exercising because she was afraid I would get into better shape than her. It's like that with work. She never quits the business even though she says she wants to because she doesn't want me to have more accomplishments than her. It's not ideal, but at least I figured out a way to get things done. And I have to get out of debt in order to get my own place to live so I have to put up with this for now. And I'm going to put my foot down if she tries to invest in another exciting new idea before finishing all the stuff she started.

You sound very evolved to me.

I'm not sure what you mean by "evolved". I am setting some rules. Like if I do the main part of a job, she can't bully me into doing the part that is supposed to be her job. She's been trying to make me do her part for 2 days and tonight there is a tantrum because I'm staying firm about it. I really hate the way she tries to turn simple tasks into a team effort and then she procrastinates until 2 AM and won't let me go to bed after a long day of work. The odd thing is that the tantrums make me feel giuilty about not helping out when I already worked alone all day.

Thanks for being supportive. I feel like I've been complaining a lot lately and you've been so nice about it.

It sounds like you are making some positive changes. She is just being who she is and trying to manipulate you.

Thank you for explaining. Yes, I only realized this month just how bad her mental problems are. Today I learned the term "financial incest" which was something our parents did and "money anxiety disorder" which my sister definitely has. The parents had more influence on my sister because she was really naiive and even helped them commit crimes like medical fraud to sell cancer cures. So now she imitates our stepfather's actions as an adult which includes overspending and then blaming me for it.

Most of her meltdowns were over money until the last few years when everyday things started to piss her off as well. I was just thinking about an incident when we were in collage. We lost the tweezers we shared and after a month without tweezers, I bought some new ones for $1.39. My sister was ok with the purchase until she found our old tweezers between the couch cushions. Then she started yelling at me for having spent the $1.39 and when I tried to walk away, she came after me and kicked me. Today I decided I'm not going to let her bad temper stop me spending money on things that I need. I bought something for $15 without her knowing and I'm a bit anxious about when she finds out, but I'm not going to let it stop me anymore.

I am so happy for you that you are taking these steps. That is awesome! But be prepared for a big backlash. She won't like it one bit. So, stand your ground. Let her know there's a new sheriff in town and thing aren't going back to the way they used to be. Be firm but calm. Try not to raise your voice to meet hers. Just sit and wait until she is quiet, then speak. The very fact of how you engage with her is going to make its own point. Hang in there. Things will get better. Onward!!

Thank you for the advice!