Obsessive thoughts whenever I see vape stuff

I am having trouble dealing with obsessive thoughts whenever I see anything to do with vaping. Ads. News articles. These stories. I see Juuls for sale at gas stations. The reason they’re a trigger is my beau can’t give it up. It became a big source of argument for us. He said he’d quit, then he was hiding it. Then he got bitter about quitting (even though he didn’t) and when I’d smell it or he’d take “drives” I’d get paranoid and he really put me down for that. So it’s not the vaping per se. But it’s that reminder that he lied to me and made me feel bad about it. For months. He would use his quitting nicotine as an excuse for being angry or irate or irritable. But when I found out he’d never stopped, I just... it bothers me. It hurts me. And knowing how much it manipulates him makes me uncomfortable. I should note- there wasn’t a need to lie. He quit on his own. It was his decision. So his lying was a decision he made for himself.

Anyhow- it’s just, I get so angry and hurt when I see anything to do with vaping. All these bans and warnings aren’t helping. I do feel nicotine is an addictive substance that can cause health issues. So I do worry about him. He goes through a lot of pods. Plus he chews nicotine gum.

Anyhow I’m venting now I guess. I just don’t know how to process the emotion. The visual trigger makes me feel that hurt again. It’s been two months since the lies.

Even when I got in his car last night to go to dinner, seeing the charging thing for his Juul made my stomach flip.

Would you say arguing helps or does it not help?

Having been of the receiving end a couple of times, the most lasting damage done by cheating isn't the sex. It's the deception. The amount of lying it takes to carry on an affair is just astronomical. They lie about everything. They have to. Your life becomes a lie. Similarly, the amount of deception needed to carry on an addiction is impressive. I think you should sit him down and tell him what all this lying has done to you. Explain that you are supportive of him quitting and getting into nicotine/vaping recovery. But the lying has got to stop, if he wants to be with you. If you don't do this and if he continues on the way he currently is, it is only going to get worse for you.

One constant with all addicts is that they never realize just how bad their situation really is. They think everything's fine. You need to make it very clear that everything is not fine. You have to take care of yourself. I wish you all the best.

@SirHabit of course the arguing doesn’t help. The arguments of course stemming from the lies. He’d feel guilty about lying and so he’d yell at me for expecting him to quit. After he said he wanted to. I just thought he was irritable because he was quitting nicotine. But still- I prefer not to be yelled at or blamed for a choice he made. It’s the back and forth that has frustrated me. I should mention, he would be short on making our rent payments because he spent all his money on nicotine produces. So... again— yes, I’d rather not have an argument. In fact, they always start off with me calmly expressing my concern at our rent being late because he’s spent his money on vape products. Or that his lying to me has made me feel insecure. His response is always to lash out at me. Tell me to keep my feelings to myself. And to mind my own business. Hence- my seemingly rooted anxiety about this.

@bpcyclist thank you. It’s very confusing for me. He of course can do whatever he wishes to his own body. It’s the lying that has gotten me messed up in the head. Worse, I know he bad mouthed me to our friends and family. Saying I’m controlling. When I didn’t even know he was vaping again. He’d then come home and say his friends told him he’s a pu$$y for listening to me. Which is just mind blowing because I found out later- he wasn’t. He hadn’t stopped. He was just going to their house to vape. Meanwhile I just know he’s angry and always leaving and short on money and generally bitter. And worse- I felt bad because I thought it was my fault. Like- because I supported his decision to quit, and of course my concern at the health risks to nicotine every waking hour, I deserved to be the brunt of his anger. He was moonlighting me for months. Making me feel like I’m so horrible. His excuse was- he was afraid of me. But afraid of what? If he’d sat me down and said- “ok I really wanted to stop but it’s just not a good time. I don’t really want to quit. And so I am going to continue”. It’d be ok. I’d be ok. I would understand. But he never gave me that chance. He just immediately chose to lie. And he did that three times. Each time, me growing increasingly insecure and hurt and losing my trust in his words.

But back to the real trouble I’m facing on a personal level—- all these feelings flood in whenever I see anything to do with vaping. Because it reminds me of all of this.

I know I should just get over it. He vapes openly now. He chews his gum inside. And that is just how it goes. But they’re visual reminders of how many months he hid from me. And now a part of me feels like, I’ve given up.

Thanks for the encouragement.

Hey @jaymoq

Quote:

Originally Posted by jaymoq Anyhow- it’s just, I get so angry and hurt when I see anything to do with vaping. All these bans and warnings aren’t helping. I do feel nicotine is an addictive substance that can cause health issues. So I do worry about him. He goes through a lot of pods. Plus he chews nicotine gum.

I just wanted to mention that I have been following the news about vapes and the overzealous hysteria lately. IMO the bans and warnings are being broadly thrown at all vaping products. If you read up on it you can read that the health issues that are occuring now are mostly all related to black market vape products link to black market THC vape juice. I am not going to say that inhaling anything into your lungs is ok just that vaping has become the target for people that want to jump on the "do-gooder" band wagon.

But I know the past issues you have mentioned having with him and lying about vaping so I understand.