I fantasize about the past

My life has changed so much. I often reflect on my life with my 2nd husband. That was my 20"s . After that I went crazy and it's been hard mostly ever since.

I'm alone. I'm struggling financially. I have lost my family and any hopes of having a family again. I'm now 45.

My life is just sad and difficult emotionally. I never had all the kids I wanted, I screwed up my son so bad he killed himself. My daughter loves her step mom which is good but hurtful though i know she loves me.

I just really regret my life choices and there's no going back. I don't know if I'll ever be happy.

Everything in life is temporary. Living with an illness such as ours is a continual battle. You must remember you are not alone. I have been there too! Yes, we all have our regrets. I realized after becoming ill that my judgment is impaired and should rely on others to help me. I know this is not what you want to hear probably. I am happy with what I have and am like you. I don't have much in materialistic goods or money itself but am blessed with relatively ok health besides my illness which is under control now. I also never had kids and am older than you. You should stop looking back and wishing you could have, would have, should have. I would keep looking ahead and never turn back! What we make of today can change our destiny. Life is a journey, not a destination. Please don't feel so bad. I know it hurts thinking about mistakes and problems arising from our illnesses. But, this does not solve anything. It only hurts us more. I hope that you find something positive to think about and find happiness in what you have in your life. You have your freedom and your independence. This is a blessing too! I wish I could be like you and be able to take care of myself on my own. You are doing better than I am! I hope you feel better soon.