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#1
There are dark emotions I feel that I cannot quite describe. It's a feeling inside that is not shown on the outside. It's a hidden feeling that remains numb and only felt through images or colors. It's like Harry Potter's natural Parseltongue.
My alternate personalities inside (I have dissociative identity disorder, or DID) were not always cheery characters; some were dark alters before they turned into protector alters and then integrated with me. Their anger became my anger at one point, but the feelings were still muffled and only expressed during safe times when I could "speak Parseltongue." Numb on the outside, I dissociated inward to feel in a safe place known as the "inside world." Self-hypnosis is an automatic and daily process for me, and many days I'm living with one foot on the inside and the other in the real world. The real world doesn't know Parseltongue, as it is masked by the Invisibility Cloak and a charm that hinders sounds. Creatively traumatized, my inside world's chambers were filled with screams and echos, the kind you would imagine in a Cathedral that was under attack by demons. All the secrets of our internalized abusers remained hidden inside this Cathedral, including their victims' screams - my screams after integrating with my dark alters' screams. Parseltongue quelled the anger inside, as it mirrored that which must not be named in the real world. Silenced, muffled, and bound, I stood there frozen without a wand or any enchantments to break free my confusion. My emotions regulated, the alternate personalities fused, without a whisper about all the darkness that could only be translated through Parseltongue. To me, Parseltongue is an emotion, albeit borrowed from the Harry Potter movie series. I gave my numb anger a name, and I comforted my confusion with some understanding. The numb anger remains contained like a memory, its transformation in the form of muted justice - the kind that is self-healing, self-forgiving, and self-loving. |
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MickeyCheeky, WovenGalaxy
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MickeyCheeky, WovenGalaxy
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#2
Thank you SO MUCH for Sharing your Story, @lillib, and I am TRULY, DEEPLY SORRY for what you've been through! I Hope and Pray that you'll be able to find Peace within Yourself and that you'll Accept Yourself for the BEAUTIFUL Person that you TRULY ARE, Both INSIDE and OUTSIDE! Be REALLY, REALLY, REALLY, REALLY, REALLY KIND TO YOURSELF, @lillib, because you deserve it! Hit me up and PM me ANYTIME when you want to! I am SURE plenty of others will be REALLY, REALLY, REALLY, REALLY, REALLY Happy and Glad to Help as well! Feel free to PM me ANYTIME when you need Advice and Support or even simply someone to talk to! KEEP FIGHTING AND KEEP ROCKING AS MUCH AS YOU POSSIBLY CAN LIKE YOU'RE ALREADY WISELY AND WONDERFULLY DOING ALL AND ENTIRELY BY YOURSELF AND ALL AND ENTIRELY ON YOUR OWN NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?
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Anonymous42119
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#3
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Thank you so much! I love your response to me! It is so encouraging! I will PM you soon. I have not slept yet so I am going to sleep soon. I hope you have a great day today! |
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MickeyCheeky
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MickeyCheeky
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#4
Hi lillib,
I like your analogy a lot. I have seen the Harry Potter movies, but I wasn't so into them that I remembered Parseltongue. It sounds like you have a very good grasp on what goes on inside yourself. I think that's a skill , and a good skill to have at that. I'm glad you have found some understanding with what goes on inside yourself. That's great. |
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Anonymous42119, MickeyCheeky
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MickeyCheeky
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#5
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I'm a 45-year-old-KID at heart, LOL. I've went to every Harry Potter movie, and sometimes watched them over and over again. I even dressed up in a Harry Potter costume at the showing of their last movie installment. I haven't read all of their books, save the last one, but I loved the movies and the culture! Parseltongue is snake language. Harry Potter could speak it because he had a part of Voldemort inside him, which was the last and final horcrux that Harry had to extinguish. I'm not sure if Harry could retain his ability to speak Parseltongue after extinguishing the Voldemort inside him. (It's okay, you other Harry Potter fans can laugh as I fumble with my explanation of all this; and, please, do correct me if I'm wrong as well as tell me if Harry could still speak Parseltongue). We all have a dark side within us, and sometimes those dark sides are representative of the emotions we feel. Sometimes those dark sides are NOT who we are, but they seemingly overtake our thoughts and emotions, even if numb and disconnected, in many of the same ways that Harry struggled with the horcrux he didn't know until the very end was inside him. Harry hallucinated, felt anger, felt depressed, went through a lot of the developmental challenges that anyone with childhood traumas would deal with, and more. Harry experienced early childhood trauma, and he continued to experience bullying in school, hostile environments, and many other traumas. His resilience in the books and the movie was impressive, however. Harry did have strong social support from multiple levels, so that must have catered to his resiliency. I may not speak snake language (i.e., Parseltongue), but I wanted to give my numb anger inside a name. It's not an alternate personality, but rather a feeling inside that I relate to injustice - the lack of justice I had for all the crimes committed against me. "I solemnly swear that I am up to no good," LOL. Expecto Patronum! Mischief Managed! Hee hee. I just had to say that! (Excuse the spelling and grammatical errors.) Anyway, sometimes creativity helps us to minimize the intensity of our feelings while, at the same time, getting them out and exploring ways to cope with these things that are inside us. If anything, our coping skills are enchantments designed to quell or ameliorate the horcruxes within us. That's where famous wizards and witches in the therapeutic world come in sometimes - to help guide us. --Okay, now I'm a little over-the-top here, but it helps me and all the inner parts of me feel safe to describe it this way. We all have a child part within us (that is, memories from our past childhood that affect our decisions in adulthood), so we sometimes have to revisit those to learn to cope better with all the challenges that trigger us during adulthood. Thank you for your kind response and support! |
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MickeyCheeky, WovenGalaxy
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